Re: Glad for you...
Anonymous fanmail is always welcome, but due to the size of my long-winded reply (as usual), I had to post it to my main journal. Livejournal replies can only be so big, evidentally. :-/
Glad for you
(Anonymous)
2005-07-04 16:33
Hello. I am a 32 year old man, married 8 years with 2 kids. I'm happy for you, Plaid2k, that you have found someone to share your life as well as your bed. I first met my partner when I was at a mixer for a fraternity I was pledging, we had a sexual thing for a few months, then the frat house found out and showed us that we were not what they wanted. Then 9 years ago we saw each other again at a wedding and been together ever since, well this isn't about me but I had thought I should let you know a bit about me. I always feel strange just posting without an account. Like I am judging the person without letting them judge me.
Have you ever had your heart broken? How about a leg? The morning after my partner and I were found out, we were returned to the campus main hall with bruises and broken limbs abounding. I needed 17 stitches, 3 over my eye and the rest .. you can guess. Would you tell me that I needed to get a distraction, if we had met the next day? The next week? When would be a good time for me to get a distraction? I cannot find a difference, in feeling, from the frat night and a broken heart. I find it insulting to women how you mention her in here. I understand there is no love for her in your heart but there once was. Right? I mean I can see if you wanted to rant and get your feelings of anger or frustration of her out. Can you not find the respect to just let her go, though? I mean you of course you have in your heart and bed, why not in your life? You mentioned moving on, that if you had a different job it would be easier for you both to move on. Are you getting a different job? Is She?
Though your entries are like novella's, I will continue to read them and be glad for your newfound happiness. Take things slow though. I will never understand how a people can mix sex and love so quickly. Yes when my partner and I first met we did have sex, a lot, but that was all it was was sex. The second time, we waited 2 months before sleeping together (there was other stuff of course, but no penetration). Wear a condom always and keep up the blood testing. I am always glad to hear when people are smart.
Thank you for letting me post and have a good summer.
Re: Glad for you
(Plaid2k)
2005-07-05 5:32 pm
I am glad that you enjoy reading my posts. I, in no way, mean any disrespect towards women, or my ex, Riann. My current girlfriend understands where I stand, and trusts me, but I still hate to say all this. Apparently, though, I need clarification.
Riann means a great deal to me. I once loved her with all of my being, although we didn't always see eye-to-eye and didn't have a whole lot more in common other than the fact we enjoyed the other's company so much. I thought, for a while, that we could enjoy what we don't have in common, together. I still am fond of her, and think back on some great memories we shared. It seemed to go great for a while, but eventually fizzled.
She always warned that she didn't want to settle down right off, and wanted to explore other partners. This shadow always ate at me, even when we were so hung up on each other that we began to overlook our families and friends to spend even more time with each other. I did everything I ever could do for her. I'd make special trips to kill a spider, even turned around halfway to home to kill a bee. After we broke it off, I still helped her and her Mom move. I always bought her gifts for our monthly anniversaries, like a hopeless romantic. Never forgot the important events, but lo and behold, I'd be reminded of anything minor I'd let slip... and I was the one telling her when her family birthdays and stuff was coming up. She thought it odd I wanted her to wish her Mom a happy Birthday when she was out of town. I bought her roses, chocolates and a teddy bear for Valentine's Day. She got me a dvd and a CD. Thoughtful as it was, it didn't seem very sentimental. She never seemed to appreciate the roses I bought on the way over, on a whim, although she dried them and hung them from her ceiling. They're probably in the trash from our first argument.
We argued about silly things, like I didn't call her enough, or at different times of day. We didn't share a lot in common, except for our love, so our phone conversations were prolonged silences of dead-air. That, too, would upset her. I wanted to stay with my family, she wanted to move everywhere, for a year or so, each. We were in love, but didn't mesh well.
I was starting to feel things fizzling out, after the 17 months we were together, and she told me she kissed a guy back that kissed her, and she liked it. I wanted to be sick, but I told her that if that was what she wanted, then go be happy. I was so upset one day, I drove like a madman to her apartment and had an anxiety attack on her doorstep.
She eventually broke communication with him, and said she chose me, but didn't want us to be tied down so she could experiment. I thought I could wait for her. We hung out with each other as friends with feelings, and I considered an open relationship several times, even tried it, but I couldn't handle it. I waited seven months for her, even tried looking around, myself. Asked friends if they had friends, tried online dating, etc. I needed a distraction, myself. If I could love someone else, maybe I could get over Riann.
Then, my friends showed me Amy. We were instantly comfortable around each other, in spite of our typical shyness around the opposite sex. We didn't jump right in the sack, as you may believe we have. We waited until we knew we both wanted a long-term relationship again, wanted the same things out of life, and even dreamt some of the same dreams of what our house would look like, and where we wanted to visit. We actualy mesh. We're very happy with each other, and only upon meeting Amy, did Riann finally decide she wanted to be back with me. She showed up a couple of days after Amy and I decided to be in a longterm relationship, kneeling in front of me, begging me to take her back. At this point, I would have really hurt Amy, although she would have understood, and I felt (and still do) that Amy and I are an excellent match. Riann and I cried on each other, for different and same reasons. She missed her window of opportunity because she listened to her Mom and didn't come back to me, and I find someone I 'fit' better with. She knew she lost me. I still have feelings for Riann, more the memories than who's she's become.
Now, she won't so much as look at me. I don't blame her. I feel bad that she has to go through this, but I know, in time, she'll find someone. I ask my coworkers, on occasion, that she's close to, to see if she's talking to them... not what about, but to make sure she's not bottling things up. I do know a distraction isn't quite the answer, but it may be the step in the right direction for her to find someone that'll make her happy again, and in the meantime, I won't be the first thing on her mind.
I'm glad for you, that you've found your true love. They say that if you lose a love and find them again, it's meant to be, for sure. I thought for a time, that that would be Riann and I, but I found someone that cares about me, takes better care of me and better appreciates what I do for her. We are more compatible.
So, to answer your questions and comments; yes, I once loved Riann a great deal, and still care about and worry about her. I don't mean to sound like I'm always trashing on her, but one can't help comparing past experiences... it's a very human way of helping oneself better appreciate the present. Amy and I aren't in it for the carnal pleasures, we're in it for the long run. Things may seem quick, but they are to scale by age and our comfort with each other. She's on the patch, and I wear a condom... and no, knock on wood, I have yet to break anything on my person (even though I've been involved in 3 vehicle accidents from whomb to now)... knock on wood.
As always, yours and everyone's input is welcome.
Glad for you
(Anonymous)
2005-07-04 16:33
Hello. I am a 32 year old man, married 8 years with 2 kids. I'm happy for you, Plaid2k, that you have found someone to share your life as well as your bed. I first met my partner when I was at a mixer for a fraternity I was pledging, we had a sexual thing for a few months, then the frat house found out and showed us that we were not what they wanted. Then 9 years ago we saw each other again at a wedding and been together ever since, well this isn't about me but I had thought I should let you know a bit about me. I always feel strange just posting without an account. Like I am judging the person without letting them judge me.
Have you ever had your heart broken? How about a leg? The morning after my partner and I were found out, we were returned to the campus main hall with bruises and broken limbs abounding. I needed 17 stitches, 3 over my eye and the rest .. you can guess. Would you tell me that I needed to get a distraction, if we had met the next day? The next week? When would be a good time for me to get a distraction? I cannot find a difference, in feeling, from the frat night and a broken heart. I find it insulting to women how you mention her in here. I understand there is no love for her in your heart but there once was. Right? I mean I can see if you wanted to rant and get your feelings of anger or frustration of her out. Can you not find the respect to just let her go, though? I mean you of course you have in your heart and bed, why not in your life? You mentioned moving on, that if you had a different job it would be easier for you both to move on. Are you getting a different job? Is She?
Though your entries are like novella's, I will continue to read them and be glad for your newfound happiness. Take things slow though. I will never understand how a people can mix sex and love so quickly. Yes when my partner and I first met we did have sex, a lot, but that was all it was was sex. The second time, we waited 2 months before sleeping together (there was other stuff of course, but no penetration). Wear a condom always and keep up the blood testing. I am always glad to hear when people are smart.
Thank you for letting me post and have a good summer.
Re: Glad for you
(Plaid2k)
2005-07-05 5:32 pm
I am glad that you enjoy reading my posts. I, in no way, mean any disrespect towards women, or my ex, Riann. My current girlfriend understands where I stand, and trusts me, but I still hate to say all this. Apparently, though, I need clarification.
Riann means a great deal to me. I once loved her with all of my being, although we didn't always see eye-to-eye and didn't have a whole lot more in common other than the fact we enjoyed the other's company so much. I thought, for a while, that we could enjoy what we don't have in common, together. I still am fond of her, and think back on some great memories we shared. It seemed to go great for a while, but eventually fizzled.
She always warned that she didn't want to settle down right off, and wanted to explore other partners. This shadow always ate at me, even when we were so hung up on each other that we began to overlook our families and friends to spend even more time with each other. I did everything I ever could do for her. I'd make special trips to kill a spider, even turned around halfway to home to kill a bee. After we broke it off, I still helped her and her Mom move. I always bought her gifts for our monthly anniversaries, like a hopeless romantic. Never forgot the important events, but lo and behold, I'd be reminded of anything minor I'd let slip... and I was the one telling her when her family birthdays and stuff was coming up. She thought it odd I wanted her to wish her Mom a happy Birthday when she was out of town. I bought her roses, chocolates and a teddy bear for Valentine's Day. She got me a dvd and a CD. Thoughtful as it was, it didn't seem very sentimental. She never seemed to appreciate the roses I bought on the way over, on a whim, although she dried them and hung them from her ceiling. They're probably in the trash from our first argument.
We argued about silly things, like I didn't call her enough, or at different times of day. We didn't share a lot in common, except for our love, so our phone conversations were prolonged silences of dead-air. That, too, would upset her. I wanted to stay with my family, she wanted to move everywhere, for a year or so, each. We were in love, but didn't mesh well.
I was starting to feel things fizzling out, after the 17 months we were together, and she told me she kissed a guy back that kissed her, and she liked it. I wanted to be sick, but I told her that if that was what she wanted, then go be happy. I was so upset one day, I drove like a madman to her apartment and had an anxiety attack on her doorstep.
She eventually broke communication with him, and said she chose me, but didn't want us to be tied down so she could experiment. I thought I could wait for her. We hung out with each other as friends with feelings, and I considered an open relationship several times, even tried it, but I couldn't handle it. I waited seven months for her, even tried looking around, myself. Asked friends if they had friends, tried online dating, etc. I needed a distraction, myself. If I could love someone else, maybe I could get over Riann.
Then, my friends showed me Amy. We were instantly comfortable around each other, in spite of our typical shyness around the opposite sex. We didn't jump right in the sack, as you may believe we have. We waited until we knew we both wanted a long-term relationship again, wanted the same things out of life, and even dreamt some of the same dreams of what our house would look like, and where we wanted to visit. We actualy mesh. We're very happy with each other, and only upon meeting Amy, did Riann finally decide she wanted to be back with me. She showed up a couple of days after Amy and I decided to be in a longterm relationship, kneeling in front of me, begging me to take her back. At this point, I would have really hurt Amy, although she would have understood, and I felt (and still do) that Amy and I are an excellent match. Riann and I cried on each other, for different and same reasons. She missed her window of opportunity because she listened to her Mom and didn't come back to me, and I find someone I 'fit' better with. She knew she lost me. I still have feelings for Riann, more the memories than who's she's become.
Now, she won't so much as look at me. I don't blame her. I feel bad that she has to go through this, but I know, in time, she'll find someone. I ask my coworkers, on occasion, that she's close to, to see if she's talking to them... not what about, but to make sure she's not bottling things up. I do know a distraction isn't quite the answer, but it may be the step in the right direction for her to find someone that'll make her happy again, and in the meantime, I won't be the first thing on her mind.
I'm glad for you, that you've found your true love. They say that if you lose a love and find them again, it's meant to be, for sure. I thought for a time, that that would be Riann and I, but I found someone that cares about me, takes better care of me and better appreciates what I do for her. We are more compatible.
So, to answer your questions and comments; yes, I once loved Riann a great deal, and still care about and worry about her. I don't mean to sound like I'm always trashing on her, but one can't help comparing past experiences... it's a very human way of helping oneself better appreciate the present. Amy and I aren't in it for the carnal pleasures, we're in it for the long run. Things may seem quick, but they are to scale by age and our comfort with each other. She's on the patch, and I wear a condom... and no, knock on wood, I have yet to break anything on my person (even though I've been involved in 3 vehicle accidents from whomb to now)... knock on wood.
As always, yours and everyone's input is welcome.