Holy Update, Batman!
I have still been under a great deal of stress that continues to get compounds as the days pass.
I am sorry if this is triggering. I am going to have to, at the very least, mention the abuse I endured as a child.
I had a considerable amount of Facebook drama recently from a friend's boyfriend that I attempted to befriend. During our second conversation, he basically told me that my life path is wrong, that I wasted money on college and there is no money in what I studied. I gave him another chance only to have him attack things on my Facebook statuses, picking apart everything me or my friends said and went as far as to accuse me of doing all of the things he was doing in highly offensive ways. Even now, everything I post is up for debate, even things that aren't typically debatable. He wants to poke holes in everything I say, and he is obsessed with being right. I don't know what to do about it yet.
Another thing that has been weighing on me lately is my creepy stalker-ish situation. One of my fifth grade teachers added me on Facebook, and our conversations were OK at first, but they started to turn into attention I do not want. He wanted me to send him pictures of my tattoos, which I did, though I thought it was weird because I created a Facebook album for that purpose. Then, it was constant talk about my modeling. He started sending me things asking about high heels, bras and pantyhose and kept talking about how much he loves my bats and even mentioned my tits. I was offline one day, and he sent me four messages all about how he was looking at my pictures and "wow." He asked me if I ever posed nude and asked to see my topless modeling pictures (which I denied of him). He wanted me to send him modeling pictures not already posted elsewhere that "I might want him to see." He created a MySpace to add me. He asked me if he could take pictures of me on his dad's farm. He constantly talks about my pictures to me and things he wants me to do. He told me it was "wonderful" that I'm bisexual and starting asking me personal questions about my first experience and relationships with women. If I ignore him, he still continues to contact me.
I know I don't want him in my life. Maybe it's the fact that I was molested as a kid, maybe it's just common sense, but this kind of attention from someone who was my teacher when I was nine and ten IS NOT RIGHT. I just don't know if I just want to block him and say nothing or if I want to actually tell him off before I do. This guy is skeezy any way. He cheated on his wife with another teacher (and the students knew before his wife), they got divorced and he lives with the other teacher. Not once in our conversations has she EVER come up. I just know that he needs to go because he obviously a pervert, and I don't want anyone thinking I'm a bigger part of his life than I am.
Then, there's the whole family situation. My step-dad's mother talked to me on the phone the other night. Apparently, her daughter is "disturbed" and angry because I have my biological father listed as my dad on my Facebook and not my step dad. Not only is my step dad not on my Facebook to add, but it's none of her business. Her brother was usually pretty terrible to me and abused me physically, mentally and sexually as a child, and even if I could tell her that, she wouldn't believe me. They lied to me about my origin until I was 11. They stole my name, my birth certificate and my birth record from me, the least I can do is list my father, who I am really close with, as my dad!
Any way -- the grandmother asked me if I could add him in there. I told her that he's not on my list. Later in our conversation, she asked me if I loved him. I told her I did (what the hell should I say?). She asked me to add something like, "my dad Brad and I have had our differences, but I still love him." She started crying. I lied and told her I would. She was talking about how she knows that we had our differences, but that is a parent's job. Well, I'm sure that it isn't a parent's job to molest their children and beat them for falling out of line, both physically and mentally. It was just a really shitty situation for them to put me in. The grandmother is the only one I am even in contact with usually. Up until they started adding me on Facebook a couple of months ago, I hadn't had contact with any of Brad's sisters and brothers in five or six years, let alone having them treating me like I'm worth a damn. Most of them never made me feel like part of the family because I'm not blood related.
Add this to my issues with self-image, stress from work and from parenting and how much longing I feel for a girl I can't even have, and you've got a recipe for disaster.
I am sorry if this is triggering. I am going to have to, at the very least, mention the abuse I endured as a child.
I had a considerable amount of Facebook drama recently from a friend's boyfriend that I attempted to befriend. During our second conversation, he basically told me that my life path is wrong, that I wasted money on college and there is no money in what I studied. I gave him another chance only to have him attack things on my Facebook statuses, picking apart everything me or my friends said and went as far as to accuse me of doing all of the things he was doing in highly offensive ways. Even now, everything I post is up for debate, even things that aren't typically debatable. He wants to poke holes in everything I say, and he is obsessed with being right. I don't know what to do about it yet.
Another thing that has been weighing on me lately is my creepy stalker-ish situation. One of my fifth grade teachers added me on Facebook, and our conversations were OK at first, but they started to turn into attention I do not want. He wanted me to send him pictures of my tattoos, which I did, though I thought it was weird because I created a Facebook album for that purpose. Then, it was constant talk about my modeling. He started sending me things asking about high heels, bras and pantyhose and kept talking about how much he loves my bats and even mentioned my tits. I was offline one day, and he sent me four messages all about how he was looking at my pictures and "wow." He asked me if I ever posed nude and asked to see my topless modeling pictures (which I denied of him). He wanted me to send him modeling pictures not already posted elsewhere that "I might want him to see." He created a MySpace to add me. He asked me if he could take pictures of me on his dad's farm. He constantly talks about my pictures to me and things he wants me to do. He told me it was "wonderful" that I'm bisexual and starting asking me personal questions about my first experience and relationships with women. If I ignore him, he still continues to contact me.
I know I don't want him in my life. Maybe it's the fact that I was molested as a kid, maybe it's just common sense, but this kind of attention from someone who was my teacher when I was nine and ten IS NOT RIGHT. I just don't know if I just want to block him and say nothing or if I want to actually tell him off before I do. This guy is skeezy any way. He cheated on his wife with another teacher (and the students knew before his wife), they got divorced and he lives with the other teacher. Not once in our conversations has she EVER come up. I just know that he needs to go because he obviously a pervert, and I don't want anyone thinking I'm a bigger part of his life than I am.
Then, there's the whole family situation. My step-dad's mother talked to me on the phone the other night. Apparently, her daughter is "disturbed" and angry because I have my biological father listed as my dad on my Facebook and not my step dad. Not only is my step dad not on my Facebook to add, but it's none of her business. Her brother was usually pretty terrible to me and abused me physically, mentally and sexually as a child, and even if I could tell her that, she wouldn't believe me. They lied to me about my origin until I was 11. They stole my name, my birth certificate and my birth record from me, the least I can do is list my father, who I am really close with, as my dad!
Any way -- the grandmother asked me if I could add him in there. I told her that he's not on my list. Later in our conversation, she asked me if I loved him. I told her I did (what the hell should I say?). She asked me to add something like, "my dad Brad and I have had our differences, but I still love him." She started crying. I lied and told her I would. She was talking about how she knows that we had our differences, but that is a parent's job. Well, I'm sure that it isn't a parent's job to molest their children and beat them for falling out of line, both physically and mentally. It was just a really shitty situation for them to put me in. The grandmother is the only one I am even in contact with usually. Up until they started adding me on Facebook a couple of months ago, I hadn't had contact with any of Brad's sisters and brothers in five or six years, let alone having them treating me like I'm worth a damn. Most of them never made me feel like part of the family because I'm not blood related.
Add this to my issues with self-image, stress from work and from parenting and how much longing I feel for a girl I can't even have, and you've got a recipe for disaster.