(no subject)
One more day of the nastiest medication I've ever been on.
I've had less than 10 cigarettes everyday for the past four days.
I'm not looking forward to the viewing [tomorrow] /funeral [Tuesday]. Today, I was really emotional about the whole thing -- blaming myself because she died of pneumonia, dealing with watching someone die for the first time, dealing with someone I lived with for seven years dying, dealing with having someone die from something I had/have. I had a conversation with my dad and another with a coworker that helped out a great deal.
The epiphany -- my anxiety creates so much of my physical pain. Most of what afflicts me is nerve-related -- nerve pain, muscle pain, headaches from nerve aggravation. The lung problems are real. The sinusitis was real. The allergies are real. But the way that my body has been responding is the product of my mind. My mind wants to keep me sick. I am waring with myself. I am determined to deal with this issue in a speedy manner. Tonight, I've already begun to feel better despite the large amount of stress weighing on me.
My goal list has been working for me. I have been exercising 3-4 times a week. I have been eating lots of fruits and veggies. I have been spending more time with Trenton. I have been drawing. I have been trying to be more involved in the lives of others.
Tonight, I took a bubble bath and drank some green tea. It helped a great deal. I've done that before, but I am so much more aware of what it is I'm doing to myself. "Sick with worry" isn't just an expression.
I know, deep down, that I can overcome this. It does not define me. It will not beat me. I will not let it.
I'll wait another two weeks for an update on this subject so that I don't fixate too much.
I've had less than 10 cigarettes everyday for the past four days.
I'm not looking forward to the viewing [tomorrow] /funeral [Tuesday]. Today, I was really emotional about the whole thing -- blaming myself because she died of pneumonia, dealing with watching someone die for the first time, dealing with someone I lived with for seven years dying, dealing with having someone die from something I had/have. I had a conversation with my dad and another with a coworker that helped out a great deal.
The epiphany -- my anxiety creates so much of my physical pain. Most of what afflicts me is nerve-related -- nerve pain, muscle pain, headaches from nerve aggravation. The lung problems are real. The sinusitis was real. The allergies are real. But the way that my body has been responding is the product of my mind. My mind wants to keep me sick. I am waring with myself. I am determined to deal with this issue in a speedy manner. Tonight, I've already begun to feel better despite the large amount of stress weighing on me.
My goal list has been working for me. I have been exercising 3-4 times a week. I have been eating lots of fruits and veggies. I have been spending more time with Trenton. I have been drawing. I have been trying to be more involved in the lives of others.
Tonight, I took a bubble bath and drank some green tea. It helped a great deal. I've done that before, but I am so much more aware of what it is I'm doing to myself. "Sick with worry" isn't just an expression.
I know, deep down, that I can overcome this. It does not define me. It will not beat me. I will not let it.
I'll wait another two weeks for an update on this subject so that I don't fixate too much.