(no subject)
I: The Past's Beckoning Call
There are so many things that I cannot let go of. I find myself drowning in the flood of my past. There are things I will probably never be able to accept; I'm just trying to find ways to not let them affect me. When I least want it/need it, it comes trickling back in -- the sting, the chill, the agony of whys and hows. It has been so long, but at times, it is still so fresh in my mind. So, in some ways, I suppose those who sought to hurt me succeeded. I find myself plagued and haunted by things that shouldn't matter anymore. Sometimes, I am overcome with such a rage that I cannot even begin to describe and others, a sadness that feels like sinking into quick sand I can never quite get myself out of.
II: Completely Unrelated Present Thoughts on a Someone who Should Have Been Vanquished Long Ago
I don't like you, and I don't want you in my life anymore. I'm sick of watching you hurt/toy with people with the same games you played with me for years. You always need to get someone else involved in your self-created drama because you can never take responsibility for your own actions. You must demonize everyone else to make people believe that you're not as sad and pathetic as you are. And believe me -- you are. Tread lightly or I will destroy you, and believe me I can.
III: Events/Thoughts in List Form
-- Trenton's 7th birthday was a success. We went to the 88 with my family and went bowling afterward.
-- I drank last night in moderation. I got drunk but not belligerent. I did not have a hangover and had not drank in two weeks. I plan not to drink for another two weeks. Also, I fought the undeniable urge to have a cigarette.
-- I had really hot sexy times with TJ last night after at least an hour's worth of talk about our problems. Good things were accomplished.
-- Today is my 7th full day without cigarettes.
-- My birthday is exactly four weeks from today. Did you know that September 27 is the 270th day of the year?
-- The financial situation is incredibly dire. If something doesn't give soon, KERPOW!
There are so many things that I cannot let go of. I find myself drowning in the flood of my past. There are things I will probably never be able to accept; I'm just trying to find ways to not let them affect me. When I least want it/need it, it comes trickling back in -- the sting, the chill, the agony of whys and hows. It has been so long, but at times, it is still so fresh in my mind. So, in some ways, I suppose those who sought to hurt me succeeded. I find myself plagued and haunted by things that shouldn't matter anymore. Sometimes, I am overcome with such a rage that I cannot even begin to describe and others, a sadness that feels like sinking into quick sand I can never quite get myself out of.
II: Completely Unrelated Present Thoughts on a Someone who Should Have Been Vanquished Long Ago
I don't like you, and I don't want you in my life anymore. I'm sick of watching you hurt/toy with people with the same games you played with me for years. You always need to get someone else involved in your self-created drama because you can never take responsibility for your own actions. You must demonize everyone else to make people believe that you're not as sad and pathetic as you are. And believe me -- you are. Tread lightly or I will destroy you, and believe me I can.
III: Events/Thoughts in List Form
-- Trenton's 7th birthday was a success. We went to the 88 with my family and went bowling afterward.
-- I drank last night in moderation. I got drunk but not belligerent. I did not have a hangover and had not drank in two weeks. I plan not to drink for another two weeks. Also, I fought the undeniable urge to have a cigarette.
-- I had really hot sexy times with TJ last night after at least an hour's worth of talk about our problems. Good things were accomplished.
-- Today is my 7th full day without cigarettes.
-- My birthday is exactly four weeks from today. Did you know that September 27 is the 270th day of the year?
-- The financial situation is incredibly dire. If something doesn't give soon, KERPOW!