The More Things Change...
I guess once I stopped writing, it became harder to get myself to start writing again. That is the only excuse I have for missing the last third of 2014. But now that 2015 is new, I’m going to stop looking back, and start looking ahead. Besides, this entry would be way to long if I decided to go back and recap everything. What I’m about to write next probably won’t come as a shock to anyone, but I need to write it out anyway.
This is the end of my live journal.
Or at least, the end of any semi-frequent postings. But let’s be honest here, I probably won’t posting anything here again. And I’ve seen so many accounts just fad into the ether, I just wanted to put a stamp on it and say, “this is the end.” This is also the end of posting my writings online. I’d still like to continue to write, but I don’t think I’m going to post anything online anymore. In the past, the writings have helped me to figure things out, but I don’t think posting them online is any much more of a help. I’m going to get back into the habit of writing again, but I do not plan on posting any of these writings online. I don’t know, maybe I’ll miss it, and start posting again.
Of course if people want me to continue, then I will. But you got to let me know because these will entries will be for your benefit. I’d start by writing about everything that’s happened since the last entry (though I’ll probably break it up into chunks for digestibility.)
I mean, I’ll still get the benefit of writing entries, but I won’t have to be burdened by posting my stuff online. I’m not so sure how much of my “true self” is in these writings. To be certain, there is definitely a version of me in here, but it’s a constructed version of me. I may show you my flaws (inadvertently at times), but these are the flaws that I want to show. But anyway, I originally started this journey when my college career came to an end. I wanted to keep my friends updated in what i was doing. But gradually, social media like Facebook has come to fill that hole, leaving this somewhat redundant. And I’ve frequently found that I just end up filling people in on what’s been going on with me anyway when I meet them face to face.
I also wonder if it has to do with something else. I started the regular updates back when I had aspirations, but I’ve had to rather painfully admit that those aspirations will never come to bear. I’ve got a full time job now, with benefits and everything, and I’m making more than I’ve ever made before. But…it’s not in the field I went to graduate school for. But I really, really tried to make a go of it. I gave it an entire year plus back when I was living with my dad. I even kept trying this summer. I just couldn’t make anything happen. And it just makes me so frustrated and sad. So I could either keep trying, or settle for something less. And I think that’s what I deserve. I’ve never been anywhere near being the best. Adequate and somewhat competent is more like it. I’m not talented or witty or clever. Most of my ideas are kind of terrible and not very well thought out. I get too emotional, and having trouble getting over my own hang-ups. I’m a third rate mind in a fourth rate body. I’m unremarkably average, and in the only areas where i’m not average, I come up short (pun intended).
Well, if you’re reading this, thank you. I’d also like to thank any one whose been reading these entries over the years. I’m sorry about all the bad spelling, the whining, and especially the general sadness that’s been prevalent these last few years. And on the off chance you’re reading this in the far flung future and are wondering whatever happened to me, then let’s just say he lived happily ever after until the end of his days.
This is the end of my live journal.
Or at least, the end of any semi-frequent postings. But let’s be honest here, I probably won’t posting anything here again. And I’ve seen so many accounts just fad into the ether, I just wanted to put a stamp on it and say, “this is the end.” This is also the end of posting my writings online. I’d still like to continue to write, but I don’t think I’m going to post anything online anymore. In the past, the writings have helped me to figure things out, but I don’t think posting them online is any much more of a help. I’m going to get back into the habit of writing again, but I do not plan on posting any of these writings online. I don’t know, maybe I’ll miss it, and start posting again.
Of course if people want me to continue, then I will. But you got to let me know because these will entries will be for your benefit. I’d start by writing about everything that’s happened since the last entry (though I’ll probably break it up into chunks for digestibility.)
I mean, I’ll still get the benefit of writing entries, but I won’t have to be burdened by posting my stuff online. I’m not so sure how much of my “true self” is in these writings. To be certain, there is definitely a version of me in here, but it’s a constructed version of me. I may show you my flaws (inadvertently at times), but these are the flaws that I want to show. But anyway, I originally started this journey when my college career came to an end. I wanted to keep my friends updated in what i was doing. But gradually, social media like Facebook has come to fill that hole, leaving this somewhat redundant. And I’ve frequently found that I just end up filling people in on what’s been going on with me anyway when I meet them face to face.
I also wonder if it has to do with something else. I started the regular updates back when I had aspirations, but I’ve had to rather painfully admit that those aspirations will never come to bear. I’ve got a full time job now, with benefits and everything, and I’m making more than I’ve ever made before. But…it’s not in the field I went to graduate school for. But I really, really tried to make a go of it. I gave it an entire year plus back when I was living with my dad. I even kept trying this summer. I just couldn’t make anything happen. And it just makes me so frustrated and sad. So I could either keep trying, or settle for something less. And I think that’s what I deserve. I’ve never been anywhere near being the best. Adequate and somewhat competent is more like it. I’m not talented or witty or clever. Most of my ideas are kind of terrible and not very well thought out. I get too emotional, and having trouble getting over my own hang-ups. I’m a third rate mind in a fourth rate body. I’m unremarkably average, and in the only areas where i’m not average, I come up short (pun intended).
Well, if you’re reading this, thank you. I’d also like to thank any one whose been reading these entries over the years. I’m sorry about all the bad spelling, the whining, and especially the general sadness that’s been prevalent these last few years. And on the off chance you’re reading this in the far flung future and are wondering whatever happened to me, then let’s just say he lived happily ever after until the end of his days.