Sober Month
So last entry, I off-handedly remakes that I’m doing a sober month, so I’m going to write about that this week because I can’t think of anything else to write about. Well, I CAN, but I’m in no condition right now to write about those things since I’m still having the sleep problems I was having last week due to lack of work/consistent schedule. So yeah, I’m doing a sober month, which means I’m not drinking anything alcoholic until March 1. I’m doing to to prove a few things to myself. I’m doing it to prove that I don’t need alcohol. I’m doing it to prove I’m not an alcoholic. And I’m doing it just to do it, and say I can do it. I don’t really think I’m an alcoholic, but I could easily see myself becoming one. I have an addictive personality. Well, more like obsessive. I’ll get really into something for a while. Like lately, I’ve been on a huge pokemon kick. That’s a good reason why I prefer to play games that have an end point, so there comes a time when I have to walk away. Pokemon can be pretty hard to walk away from, but I think I achieved that today by totally completing the national dex in my boxes (every pokemon including all their evolutions, with the excepting of manaphy, which I only have one of and didn’t bring it up to the latest generations.), and also losing several online battles in a row ended any thought I had of continuing on with that. That’s why I tend to shy away from MMORPGs, since I know I’d get severely addicted to it. So yeah, obsessive personality + frequently depressed seems like a good recipe for alcoholic to me.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve been drinking for years, and I’m still a lightweight. I was kind of hoping I’d build up a tolerance, but nope. In fact, lately I’ve been experiencing this new thing where I’ll only have one, then carry on with my night normally, only to “sober up” sometime after I’ve gone to sleep, and then I’m can’t get back to sleep. And no, it’s not like I drink, then immediately go to sleep. This can happen if I haven’t had anything for a few hours. I’ve found that if I have two, that will generally permit sleep. But that means I have to drink two, and that’s about when I get drunk, so then in addition to getting high calories (I don’t like light beer), I also start to get hungry and make poor eating decisions. Although that sometimes happens at night anyway with no alcohol. It’s just easier to do when I’m drunk.
I’m hoping that a sober month will change my relationship with alcohol. Currently, I can only think of two benefits. It does make social situations a little easier for me by shutting off the part of my brain that is too worried about what other people think of me. But I’m not too worried about that because it only happens in social situations. The other benefit is that sometimes it helps me blow off some steam. Like, I’ll be having a so-so or crappy day, and then I’ll have a few and suddenly things seem a little better. And then I’ll feel great when I wake up the next day. However, sometimes it can have the opposite effect, where I’ll just get sad, or I’ll wake up feeling terrible.
I haven’t had anything since Janueary 30, so as of this writing, i’m 10 sober. I don’t foresee any problems completing this month, though I’ll probably having something on March 1. Mainly because I’m going to a concert alone, so maybe it’ll actually help me talk to people and make some new friends. I mean, I know we all have something in common in that we like the same band! But I definitely won’t get wasted because I have to drive home that night.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve been drinking for years, and I’m still a lightweight. I was kind of hoping I’d build up a tolerance, but nope. In fact, lately I’ve been experiencing this new thing where I’ll only have one, then carry on with my night normally, only to “sober up” sometime after I’ve gone to sleep, and then I’m can’t get back to sleep. And no, it’s not like I drink, then immediately go to sleep. This can happen if I haven’t had anything for a few hours. I’ve found that if I have two, that will generally permit sleep. But that means I have to drink two, and that’s about when I get drunk, so then in addition to getting high calories (I don’t like light beer), I also start to get hungry and make poor eating decisions. Although that sometimes happens at night anyway with no alcohol. It’s just easier to do when I’m drunk.
I’m hoping that a sober month will change my relationship with alcohol. Currently, I can only think of two benefits. It does make social situations a little easier for me by shutting off the part of my brain that is too worried about what other people think of me. But I’m not too worried about that because it only happens in social situations. The other benefit is that sometimes it helps me blow off some steam. Like, I’ll be having a so-so or crappy day, and then I’ll have a few and suddenly things seem a little better. And then I’ll feel great when I wake up the next day. However, sometimes it can have the opposite effect, where I’ll just get sad, or I’ll wake up feeling terrible.
I haven’t had anything since Janueary 30, so as of this writing, i’m 10 sober. I don’t foresee any problems completing this month, though I’ll probably having something on March 1. Mainly because I’m going to a concert alone, so maybe it’ll actually help me talk to people and make some new friends. I mean, I know we all have something in common in that we like the same band! But I definitely won’t get wasted because I have to drive home that night.