The Year of Failure
I didn’t have a name for this year when it began because I didn’t know what to expect. But now that it’s nearly done, I think the most apt name for it would be the year of failure. I had ONE thing that I wanted to accomplish this year, and I did not accomplish it. It wasn’t for lack of trying. But when I get right down to it, I failed. Without recapping the entrée year, I knew what I should do going into the year, and I was fallowing through on most of it. But then Hawaii happened, and everything seemed to go downhill after I came back from that. I got discouraged, and I fell into despair. And then I kind of sew-sawed back and for the between hope and despair. I build myself back up only to get knocked down again. However, ever time I got knocked down, I seemed to get lower and lower. I had an idea how to get myself out of that hole, but every time I tried, I just fell down again.
Life is marginally better though, now. I knew that part of what I needed to do to get myself up again was get a job - any job - just so I could have something that got me out and got me doing something. And though I tried, all of my previous attempts at that failed. As November rolled around, I decided to give seasonal work a chance. I figured it’d be a way for me to get some money, and help take my mind off of things. And I’m happy to say that it worked out for the most part. I don’t think I managed to save as much as I would have liked, but something is better than nothing. They are keeping me on after the holidays. I’m not sure how many hours i’ll get, and I know it won’t be like it was in November/December. But still, some income is better than now income. And just being active has helped me to work through some stuff. I’ve managed to get my weight back down to about what it was when I came back last year.
When times got bad, I knew that if I could survive it, I would come out the other end stronger for it. And it seems that I managed to survive, and things are starting to look up again. I’ve got an interview coming up that’s a second interview, and I just feel like I’m going to get that job. But if I don’t then I’ll still have hours at my current job. That kind of helps to take some of the pressure off. Still, I just feel like, “i’m going to get this job.” Maybe because it’s not that great. I mean, it’s in my field doing basically what i want to do, but it’s only part time, and it requires me to relocate. So I’d need to find yet ANOTHER job just to support myself. I’m not very keen to do that again, but if its what I have to do, then it’s what I have to do. Anyway, I don’t want to say too much about it though, just because it’s not a done deal. But if I get it, I’m sure the details will come along eventually.
Its very easy for me to focus on the negatives this year, and when I think back on 2013 in the future, I’m definitely going to remember it as a downer year. Still some good did come out of it. I got to see myself at the darkest of times. But I also now have knowledge of what I can do to get myself out of the bad times. And I know that I just need to keep hanging on. I’m being a little vague here, and I know it. It’s kind of the nature of being a public journal that I don’t want to get very specific.
But there were some good things that happened this year that I can be specific about. The several long haul biking expeditions I did this year were certainly a highlight of the year for me. I’ve been to the M more times this year than I have in my entire life before this year. And I was even able to bike all the way to Dubuque and back, which has to be some kind of achievement. Also, I was able to attend a lot of concerts and shows this year, including They Might Be Giants, Cloud Cult, and a John Hodgman comedy show. Plus, I made it to all the Riftrax live theater events too. And of course, Hawaii was a lot of fun too, but I’ve already written extensively about that. Plus, I got to reconnect with a lot of old friends at events like No Brand Con and the Famicom Dojo event last summer.
Sometimes I chide myself for thinking of years as either good or bad, when they are all a mixed bag. Good and bad things happen every year, even during years I’d mark as good. Really, it’s my outlook on life that matters the most. When several bad things happen to me in a row, I tend to think of a year as bad. But recently, I had an epiphany at work. I was having a bad time at work, felling bad about the job I was doing, when I told myself to just think positive. I was able to turn my entire way of thinking around, and made the day go better for me. I need to figure out how to apply this positive thinking to all parts of my life. I’ve found things that help, like yoga. I’ve found that when I’m practicing regularly, my mood is generally better. And during the worst parts of this year, I wasn’t practicing.
So this year was a bust for me. But concentrating on how I failed really won’t get me anywhere. Instead, I need to focus on rebuilding my life. Next year is going to be my year of rebuilding. At the very least, I’m in a better position than I was last year. And my life has already began to turn around since November. heck things started to get better even in October. So I have an idea of what I should do next. I want to see how this interview goes first, but if that doesn’t pan out, and the other job I’m waiting to hear back from doesn’t pan out (I don’t think it will at this point, but you never know), then I have an idea what to do next. So 2013 sucked, but it’s almost over. But right now, I’m feeling like 2014 is going to be my year.
Life is marginally better though, now. I knew that part of what I needed to do to get myself up again was get a job - any job - just so I could have something that got me out and got me doing something. And though I tried, all of my previous attempts at that failed. As November rolled around, I decided to give seasonal work a chance. I figured it’d be a way for me to get some money, and help take my mind off of things. And I’m happy to say that it worked out for the most part. I don’t think I managed to save as much as I would have liked, but something is better than nothing. They are keeping me on after the holidays. I’m not sure how many hours i’ll get, and I know it won’t be like it was in November/December. But still, some income is better than now income. And just being active has helped me to work through some stuff. I’ve managed to get my weight back down to about what it was when I came back last year.
When times got bad, I knew that if I could survive it, I would come out the other end stronger for it. And it seems that I managed to survive, and things are starting to look up again. I’ve got an interview coming up that’s a second interview, and I just feel like I’m going to get that job. But if I don’t then I’ll still have hours at my current job. That kind of helps to take some of the pressure off. Still, I just feel like, “i’m going to get this job.” Maybe because it’s not that great. I mean, it’s in my field doing basically what i want to do, but it’s only part time, and it requires me to relocate. So I’d need to find yet ANOTHER job just to support myself. I’m not very keen to do that again, but if its what I have to do, then it’s what I have to do. Anyway, I don’t want to say too much about it though, just because it’s not a done deal. But if I get it, I’m sure the details will come along eventually.
Its very easy for me to focus on the negatives this year, and when I think back on 2013 in the future, I’m definitely going to remember it as a downer year. Still some good did come out of it. I got to see myself at the darkest of times. But I also now have knowledge of what I can do to get myself out of the bad times. And I know that I just need to keep hanging on. I’m being a little vague here, and I know it. It’s kind of the nature of being a public journal that I don’t want to get very specific.
But there were some good things that happened this year that I can be specific about. The several long haul biking expeditions I did this year were certainly a highlight of the year for me. I’ve been to the M more times this year than I have in my entire life before this year. And I was even able to bike all the way to Dubuque and back, which has to be some kind of achievement. Also, I was able to attend a lot of concerts and shows this year, including They Might Be Giants, Cloud Cult, and a John Hodgman comedy show. Plus, I made it to all the Riftrax live theater events too. And of course, Hawaii was a lot of fun too, but I’ve already written extensively about that. Plus, I got to reconnect with a lot of old friends at events like No Brand Con and the Famicom Dojo event last summer.
Sometimes I chide myself for thinking of years as either good or bad, when they are all a mixed bag. Good and bad things happen every year, even during years I’d mark as good. Really, it’s my outlook on life that matters the most. When several bad things happen to me in a row, I tend to think of a year as bad. But recently, I had an epiphany at work. I was having a bad time at work, felling bad about the job I was doing, when I told myself to just think positive. I was able to turn my entire way of thinking around, and made the day go better for me. I need to figure out how to apply this positive thinking to all parts of my life. I’ve found things that help, like yoga. I’ve found that when I’m practicing regularly, my mood is generally better. And during the worst parts of this year, I wasn’t practicing.
So this year was a bust for me. But concentrating on how I failed really won’t get me anywhere. Instead, I need to focus on rebuilding my life. Next year is going to be my year of rebuilding. At the very least, I’m in a better position than I was last year. And my life has already began to turn around since November. heck things started to get better even in October. So I have an idea of what I should do next. I want to see how this interview goes first, but if that doesn’t pan out, and the other job I’m waiting to hear back from doesn’t pan out (I don’t think it will at this point, but you never know), then I have an idea what to do next. So 2013 sucked, but it’s almost over. But right now, I’m feeling like 2014 is going to be my year.