WOW for those week of heart do not read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took me a while to even talk about my feelings on this. even longer , for those who know me, to write about it. last Saturday was the most traumatic expieience of my life. In the army , not that i was in for long but still, they can teach you everything except how to deal with someone almost dying in front of you. I know i should prbably write this in a comunity but i'm leaving out specifics and names. anyway, i thought that i had found someone that i could actually be 100% happy with. god was i wrong. needless to say after a long talk, lots of psychic reading , and a long walk through a part of new jersey no one should walk alone through i came back to the place where i fliped to realize that i was lead on and played. "I'm Mike 5 that shit dont happen to me" Well mike it did. then i hear that the certain someone wanted me because she was passed out in a toilet from being very much hammered. i go in there place her head on my knee and proceed to try and wake her as she was passed out by the time i got in there. she wakes up and flips out saying " fuck you i dont need you i dont need anyone" and proceeds to try and run out the door. she was stopped and after about 10 minutes of us trying not to let her out i finnally said fuck it and through her over my shoulder and carried her into a bedroom where i told her to cool off. after struggling with her for about 2 min i finnaly let her go. she goes upstairs gets her coat and her backpack and leaves with a semi large half black man in a kilt chasing her. thats when me and 3 other people jum in a car and go after them. i'm still wondering where we'd have put the man in the kilt. anyway, i get a text message to come back shes back at the house. we get her in the car we drive for what seems now like an eternity, actually only about 2-5 min. she finds out im in the car and tries to jump out. we get to an intersection and she does jump out. i pull the car over and try to help get her back in but she got away. then it happend. she was walking across a busy street ,almost highway status, and gets hit by a car. nothing in the world can prepare a person for that. the sound was almost deafening. and the sight of it happening was unbearable. this is the sceen that has been replaying in my head for almost 5 days now. wow its been almost a week. in all of this though i cant help think that it was my fault because i was the one who wouldnt let up to break it off with her boyfriend. i was the one who sat down and started telling her things about her past that no one knew. i was the one that was trying to hook up with her. i was the one. not anyone else. me just me. so for all those involved im sorry. to Shannon , whom i still care about, im sorry for everything.
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