Bringing It Back
I often don't know where to start writing because I have so many thoughts running through my mind I am afraid of rambling about a bunch of nonsense... Isn't that the point though? I mean this is for me right? A chance for me to get all of my worries off of my chest? Venting to only those who would care enough to look at this journal that was created more than a decade ago. Ouch. Saying that makes me feel old. Age only matters when you're cheese though, right? A lot of people think I'm 18 still so at least I have that going for me! (This is the kind of rambling I was waring you about; lets get to the point.)
I'm now 28 years old and have yet to "figure out life." I've recently come to the realization that I've been looking at life all wrong for the past ten years. You see, I have always been what they call a "hopeless romantic," living by the idea that all that you need is love (can you tell I grew up listening to the Beatles?); having someone to love who loves you back was the most important thing in life. Don't get me wrong, love and romance is definitely still a very important thing to me, but what I have come to find is that I never truly learned to love myself to the fullest.
Several years ago a very dear friend of mine warned me of this, knowing me to be a hopeless romantic who would risk everything else in the name of love she said "just don't forget about yourself." At the time I shrugged it off and thought "she doesn't get it. This is REAL, I can feel it." Oh, if I could go back in time and understand what she meant. That is not to say I necessarily regret the past several years of my life (I love you Daniel, very much), but I certainly do wish I had taken this wise advice to heart. You see, I never took the time to really figure out myself and what I wanted to accomplish in life. I was always so focused on my romantic relationships and caring for others that I DID in fact forget about myself. Now I am very sad to say that I am stuck working a shitty retail job where I am underpaid for my position, leaving me feeling like I am working just to get by and exist. I make enough money to pay my bills and feed myself, and I allow myself to go out and have fun once in a while, but I avoid spending any unnecessary money because the one goal I do have for myself is to get my own place. (I'm surrounded by four cats and Daniel's mother who works from home and talks to said cats all day.) On top of my unappealing living situation and current job, I feel as though the person I once knew myself to be has sort of faded away. I don't really know who Shari is anymore. I don't make time for hobbies anymore, I barely cook anymore and I usually don't have the energy to exercise because I always feel so drained from work. These are all things I want to change. I've been saying that for a while, but this time I want to actually make it happen. This is me making a promise to myself to put in the effort to find a better job so I can improve the rest of my life and become a better, happier Shari.
I'm now 28 years old and have yet to "figure out life." I've recently come to the realization that I've been looking at life all wrong for the past ten years. You see, I have always been what they call a "hopeless romantic," living by the idea that all that you need is love (can you tell I grew up listening to the Beatles?); having someone to love who loves you back was the most important thing in life. Don't get me wrong, love and romance is definitely still a very important thing to me, but what I have come to find is that I never truly learned to love myself to the fullest.
Several years ago a very dear friend of mine warned me of this, knowing me to be a hopeless romantic who would risk everything else in the name of love she said "just don't forget about yourself." At the time I shrugged it off and thought "she doesn't get it. This is REAL, I can feel it." Oh, if I could go back in time and understand what she meant. That is not to say I necessarily regret the past several years of my life (I love you Daniel, very much), but I certainly do wish I had taken this wise advice to heart. You see, I never took the time to really figure out myself and what I wanted to accomplish in life. I was always so focused on my romantic relationships and caring for others that I DID in fact forget about myself. Now I am very sad to say that I am stuck working a shitty retail job where I am underpaid for my position, leaving me feeling like I am working just to get by and exist. I make enough money to pay my bills and feed myself, and I allow myself to go out and have fun once in a while, but I avoid spending any unnecessary money because the one goal I do have for myself is to get my own place. (I'm surrounded by four cats and Daniel's mother who works from home and talks to said cats all day.) On top of my unappealing living situation and current job, I feel as though the person I once knew myself to be has sort of faded away. I don't really know who Shari is anymore. I don't make time for hobbies anymore, I barely cook anymore and I usually don't have the energy to exercise because I always feel so drained from work. These are all things I want to change. I've been saying that for a while, but this time I want to actually make it happen. This is me making a promise to myself to put in the effort to find a better job so I can improve the rest of my life and become a better, happier Shari.