its been a while....

[pixiegurl13]

so me and sony broke up today just like an hour ago.... im pretty, well, devestated. i really like him and i care about him a lot, but im so in love with jeremy still. i told sony all about it. hes upset but he thinks that its best that we arent together now. its hard. i didnt want to lose him, but he doesnt want to talk to me or b around me for a long time cuz he wants to get over me. i feel terrible, but i followed my heart. i do love jeremy no matter wat anyone else thinks. sure we broke up like 8 times, but we also came back to eachother those 8 times. we've had problems in the past, but doesnt everyone? hes my best friend and he means the world to me. i hate seeing him upset and i hate seeing sony upset. this is so hard for me, but i think its the right thing. it feels wrong for me to b with sony or anyone else when i love jeremy the way i do. he means the world to me. i cant stop feeling this way just because ppl tell me too. i kno ppl are gonna b unhappy with me because of this, but i have to b honest with them and myself. i cant keep holding things in just because i dont want to hurt someones feelings. today i realized that no matter wat, sometimes u have to hurt someone whether u want to or not. the more i try to keep it in, the more it would have hurt them later on. i dont want to pretend to feel something that isnt real. im only 16, but i kno wat its like to b in love. im not saying that im gonna b with jeremy for the rest of my life, even tho that seems awesome at the moment, but i kno wat i feel right now. im trying to learn how to deal with my emotions as well as the emotions of others... i want to b there for other ppl, but now im working on taking care of myself too. i kno i cant fix all the problems in the world. i wish i could but that just isnt the case. if i dont deal with my own problems too, im gonna end up being a very unhappy, depressed person. i dont want to b like that. my thoughts and problems always catch up with me when i ignore them so now im working on dealing with them. i hated hurting sony like that, but it had to b done. better now than later. i kno ill b okay in the end. tears come and tears go. ill cry again, but i kno that ill also smile again too. i cant let the lil problems eat away at me... if i pretend theyre not there, it only gets worse.... i hope i made the right decision. i think i did.
Julian got out of jail two nights ago.... i talked to him for a bit yesterday. i might talk to him today too. he said this was one of the worst times hes ever been to jail... they put him in with the adults again. im glad hes out of there, but i hope he learns something from it. he has so much potential, but he never sticks with it. i just hope the best for him.