mostly because I assume only Bep reads this...
I discovered the posted note function on my computer last night that allows me to put electronic posted notes-reminders- all over my desk top so I started writing myself little notes. They got kind of dark. I kind of want to take them off my screen but I don't want to forget them so I'm going to post them here. Here goes...
God is enough..
God is in control.
God knows this is happening and will not make me go through it alone.
You made a lot of mistakes.
You should have ended your relationship with Chelsea when you saw that she was changing and becoming much more self absored and constantly worried about money. She made it very clear more than once that loyalty to friends came second to personal advancment and you know that's wrong. You always stay loyal too long.
And you should have asserted youself more when your husband wanted to be around her because you gave them a chance to be tempted. Pride goes before a fall and you had too much confidence in your relationship with Dave. Nothing is unbreakable. In fact you were wrong to befriend her when Tim broke up with her. Your loyalty should have been to Tim.
A lie believed as truth will effect you as if it were truth.
Just because someone says something doesn't make them right!
-This also applies to people that claim to love you.
People that judge you when you are in pain are jerks.
You know what happened.
You know the difference between right and wrong.
You did not leave your marriage without trying to fix it.
You are nott sleeping with your husband's best friend.
You did not condemn your 1 yr old son to a harder life.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!
You should have been more discerning.
You should have listened to your mother because even though she's crazy she is often right about people.
You should have expected more from you husband and not excepted less.
You should have anticpated his feelings even if he DIDN'T share them and have gone back to work and moved out of this house and cleaned more. There were preventative things you could have done.
You are pretty.
You are smart.
You have things to offer.
You can still find love.
Don't get jaded.
Don't get bitter.
Hold on...
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
I miss Dave so much. I love him so much.
I would still forgive him all of this - even the cheating.
It was cheating. It was adultery. You can not rationalize it.
If he was suicidal it didn't mean he had to leave. It meant we needed to change things to help him. He bailed. He didn't need to bail. Don't blame yourself and don't let him treat you badly or make you feel like something is wrong with you. You can love him but don't let him get away with hurting you more just so he doesn't have to feel like the bad guy. He is the bad guy. He left his wife and son for a woman who was a bridesmaid in his wedding, his wife's friend and shared a long term intimate relationship with his brother. If he had just left that would be bad but he left in the most painful way possible only thinking about himself and his happiness. He showed no caring or respect or kindness for the time we spent together. He bulldozered your life. Don't trust him. He is not a good person, honey, don't trust him even if you do still love him.
You always stay too long at the fair. Your ability to keep friends has been a stength but also a deep weakness. Sometimes you have to prune your life, even if its painful in order to avoid an even more painful death of the good branches You should have cut her off.
I miss my husband.
I miss him so much.
I miss waking up and seeing him across from me.
I miss being in it together.
Were we ever really in it together? I'm not sure. I'm not sure if he wasn't just a shadow the whole time and if he was then how did I not know. I miss my husband.
You will always have Zach!
He is amazing and he is yours. Be grateful.
------------------------------
Yep this is what happens when I right notes to myself. That is all.
God is enough..
God is in control.
God knows this is happening and will not make me go through it alone.
You made a lot of mistakes.
You should have ended your relationship with Chelsea when you saw that she was changing and becoming much more self absored and constantly worried about money. She made it very clear more than once that loyalty to friends came second to personal advancment and you know that's wrong. You always stay loyal too long.
And you should have asserted youself more when your husband wanted to be around her because you gave them a chance to be tempted. Pride goes before a fall and you had too much confidence in your relationship with Dave. Nothing is unbreakable. In fact you were wrong to befriend her when Tim broke up with her. Your loyalty should have been to Tim.
A lie believed as truth will effect you as if it were truth.
Just because someone says something doesn't make them right!
-This also applies to people that claim to love you.
People that judge you when you are in pain are jerks.
You know what happened.
You know the difference between right and wrong.
You did not leave your marriage without trying to fix it.
You are nott sleeping with your husband's best friend.
You did not condemn your 1 yr old son to a harder life.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!
You should have been more discerning.
You should have listened to your mother because even though she's crazy she is often right about people.
You should have expected more from you husband and not excepted less.
You should have anticpated his feelings even if he DIDN'T share them and have gone back to work and moved out of this house and cleaned more. There were preventative things you could have done.
You are pretty.
You are smart.
You have things to offer.
You can still find love.
Don't get jaded.
Don't get bitter.
Hold on...
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
I miss Dave so much. I love him so much.
I would still forgive him all of this - even the cheating.
It was cheating. It was adultery. You can not rationalize it.
If he was suicidal it didn't mean he had to leave. It meant we needed to change things to help him. He bailed. He didn't need to bail. Don't blame yourself and don't let him treat you badly or make you feel like something is wrong with you. You can love him but don't let him get away with hurting you more just so he doesn't have to feel like the bad guy. He is the bad guy. He left his wife and son for a woman who was a bridesmaid in his wedding, his wife's friend and shared a long term intimate relationship with his brother. If he had just left that would be bad but he left in the most painful way possible only thinking about himself and his happiness. He showed no caring or respect or kindness for the time we spent together. He bulldozered your life. Don't trust him. He is not a good person, honey, don't trust him even if you do still love him.
You always stay too long at the fair. Your ability to keep friends has been a stength but also a deep weakness. Sometimes you have to prune your life, even if its painful in order to avoid an even more painful death of the good branches You should have cut her off.
I miss my husband.
I miss him so much.
I miss waking up and seeing him across from me.
I miss being in it together.
Were we ever really in it together? I'm not sure. I'm not sure if he wasn't just a shadow the whole time and if he was then how did I not know. I miss my husband.
You will always have Zach!
He is amazing and he is yours. Be grateful.
------------------------------
Yep this is what happens when I right notes to myself. That is all.