LJ Idol Season 8: Open Topic
“I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It's all a question of how I view my life.” ― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
I always warn people that life is an adventure with me, and that’s because I choose to make it that way. The quirks? The bad stuff? The joys? The pleasures? All that junk makes this life mine. The experiences are my experiences. The stories are my stories (unless Kevin wrote them for me, of course).
In the last few seasons of Idol, I’ve had my ups and my downs like most everybody. It’s mostly been good, all around. I would say without a doubt that Idol has changed my life and given me the courage to do things I’ d never have imagined otherwise. I left a semi-abusive relationship. I moved to California. I met my boyfriend during Season 6… And I know we all make you sick with that story time and time again.
But the one constant from season to season has been change. Every season, I come out transformed into someone totally different by the end of things. I’ve grown not only as a writer, but as a person.
In Season 6, I started out totally terrified that I’d go out in the first week. So instead of taking that risk, I used my bye and avoided the week altogether. That way, I could at least say I survived two weeks of LJ Idol. After I “survived” that first week, I threw together my first entry and hoped I wouldn’t be the first of my new Idol friends to be voted out.
In Week 5, I was eliminated. Well I would have been if it wasn’t a non-elimination poll that is. I wrote a deep, philosophical meta piece about what the topic meant to me… after I’d Googled it. I started off the entry with fair warning about my sarcastic sense of humor and then tried to be heavily sarcastic and funny. Call it stage fright maybe but I failed miserably at it while forgetting how to use simple things like punctuation and apparently trying to set a world record for the most parentheses crammed into a single entry.
I started the game that first season with a mission in mind. I would never write anything but happy, light posts. And if people didn’t like that? Well then maybe I wasn’t right for Idol. I also swore I’d never write nor read any of the fiction because I only cared about the nonfiction, personal narratives. Honestly, I came in with a strict sense of what I would write and I maybe had enough material for the first 4 weeks, which explains my elimination in Week 5.
Yeah... That didn’t last for long. I made it a couple months before I dipped my feet into the fiction waters. It was also the week I ended up on my first rec list. I remember exactly how it made me feel to see my name up there alongside some other really fantastic writers. That’s a moment I will never forget and this is why as a vet, I really tried writing rec lists early on. It means a lot to be included, to know that out of so many others, someone thought you stood out from the crowd.
I doubt she remembers she did it, but I remember her for it. Even if she’s not around much these days.
But back to my point here. Before Idol, the last time I’d written anything was back in a high school creative writing class. I loved shocking my classmates and teachers by writing strange and off the wall stories… pieces about kids coming to school with guns, others about aborted fetuses popping up everywhere (see? I’ve always had a sick, strange and dark mind). It was fun for me. A lot of fun.
Eventually though, I stopped writing. I suppose I felt like I’d simply grown out of it and allowed myself to move away from it
Idol brought me back to it. What started out as something to do to avoid sleeping the day away brought back a passion I had forgotten about long ago.
Coming into Season 7, I was excited and determined to move away from the light and fluffy pieces that made up most of my previous season’s body of work. I dove headfirst into the waters of fiction writing. I discovered a love for fairy tales, and that’s what I stuck to when it came to fiction. And now, in Season 8, I write almost nothing but fiction. I steer clear of nonfiction and unless I’m mocking myself profusely about something stupid I’ve done, I rarely write anything light and sacchariney anymore. It happens from time to time, but my style has grown and evolved into my own. I write dark fiction, mostly sci-fi, sometimes horror and I still dabble in dark fairy tales from time to time. I’m learning, experimenting and growing.
This is all still somewhat new to me and I don’t claim to be perfect, the most polished or the most likely to hit the best seller list; I just claim to be proud of what I have written.
These stories are my own. Many portray my life in fictionalized form. I normally don’t realize this as I’m writing them, it just comes out as I write. It’s only later when I look back that I can see my real emotions seeping through, see my experiences being played out in a metaphor and disguised in a way that no one can really tell it’s me.
I can look back at the pieces I’ve written and pick out exactly how I was feeling or what I was going through at the time I wrote it. My final piece of Season 7, a piece which I have a novel built around now, started out with me feeling vulnerable and like I couldn’t do anything right. Kimber was me just set in an entirely different world that I created to escape from the one I was in at the time.
Looking back at the story of the Magic Shoes, a story that began as a dream, I can see that it’s my story and my feelings of being overshadowed, insignificant and pushed to the side set in a tale of fear and horror. These are all feelings I carry, things I later discussed with my counselor about life in general and things I am working on now. Of course this one came from a dream I had, so it makes sense that parts of me came out within it. Parts of me that I hadn’t known existed as I wrote it.
To say these stories are not my own is taking something away from my work and totally demeaning to me. All those hours I’ve spent writing and tweaking, and tweaking some more and yes, tweaking some more to make sure it’s as perfect as I can make it apparently means nothing to some. I can think of nothing more offensive than to question the authenticity of my work and my integrity. Apparently though, some folks don’t think trying to tarnish somebody’s reputation is anything to get worked up about.
But I am plenty worked up, believe me.
I spend hours upon hours, neglecting sleep in favor of writing and making sure what I put out there is good. I send my pieces to as many beta readers as I can in the amount of time I’m given. I edit until I can’t edit anymore. I’m proud of my work and my effort and am sickened to think that anybody believes I didn’t even do it.
But I know that this is just another bump in the road to the future. All of this is simply part of the journey to get where I am today and where I want to go tomorrow. We all have our trials and it’s how we deal with them that counts. To question that I can’t grow, that I can’t change and adapt or seek out help to learn how to get better on my own is simply wrong and I think, is more your shortcoming than mine. I am an individual that’s constantly on a journey in my life and I never settle for being anything but the best I can be. I work for it. And I work hard for it. To have my effort downplayed or even questioned doesn’t tear me down like some want it to, it builds me up, it makes me angry and gives me fuel to surge forward, to be even better.
Maybe at one time writing wasn’t something I took seriously. But after three seasons of Idol, from nearly being voted out in Week 5 way back when to making it into the Top 3 today, I can honestly say I see things a bit differently. I take my writing very seriously and though it’s a process full of highs and lows, I will never stop learning and growing.
Idol has given me more than just my love of writing back. It’s helped me stretch my wings as a person. I’m no longer content to quietly accept what is handed to me or be somebody’s willing doormat. I’m no longer afraid to speak up and to speak out. I’m nobody’s punching bag and I refuse to be somebody’s victim. I’m an adventurer in this life and I mean to find the treasures in this world and in myself.
As I continue to grow and evolve, it’s helping me find my courage, my confidence and more importantly, it’s helping me to find my true voice… something I will never give up or allow to be taken from me again.
The rest of this journey is of my own choosing. I plan to do things on my terms and my terms only from this day forward. Whatever happens happens. Some don't think I deserve to be here and some have said as much. But I am here and I make no apologies for it because I worked just as hard as anybody else to get to this point. And if I go out this week, I’m going out with my head held high because I know I’m stronger than when I started. Stronger than I ever thought I could be. I no longer feel like I’m a participant in something I have no control over.
I’m no longer the victim and I have Season 8 of LJ Idol to thank for that.
I always warn people that life is an adventure with me, and that’s because I choose to make it that way. The quirks? The bad stuff? The joys? The pleasures? All that junk makes this life mine. The experiences are my experiences. The stories are my stories (unless Kevin wrote them for me, of course).
In the last few seasons of Idol, I’ve had my ups and my downs like most everybody. It’s mostly been good, all around. I would say without a doubt that Idol has changed my life and given me the courage to do things I’ d never have imagined otherwise. I left a semi-abusive relationship. I moved to California. I met my boyfriend during Season 6… And I know we all make you sick with that story time and time again.
But the one constant from season to season has been change. Every season, I come out transformed into someone totally different by the end of things. I’ve grown not only as a writer, but as a person.
In Season 6, I started out totally terrified that I’d go out in the first week. So instead of taking that risk, I used my bye and avoided the week altogether. That way, I could at least say I survived two weeks of LJ Idol. After I “survived” that first week, I threw together my first entry and hoped I wouldn’t be the first of my new Idol friends to be voted out.
In Week 5, I was eliminated. Well I would have been if it wasn’t a non-elimination poll that is. I wrote a deep, philosophical meta piece about what the topic meant to me… after I’d Googled it. I started off the entry with fair warning about my sarcastic sense of humor and then tried to be heavily sarcastic and funny. Call it stage fright maybe but I failed miserably at it while forgetting how to use simple things like punctuation and apparently trying to set a world record for the most parentheses crammed into a single entry.
I started the game that first season with a mission in mind. I would never write anything but happy, light posts. And if people didn’t like that? Well then maybe I wasn’t right for Idol. I also swore I’d never write nor read any of the fiction because I only cared about the nonfiction, personal narratives. Honestly, I came in with a strict sense of what I would write and I maybe had enough material for the first 4 weeks, which explains my elimination in Week 5.
Yeah... That didn’t last for long. I made it a couple months before I dipped my feet into the fiction waters. It was also the week I ended up on my first rec list. I remember exactly how it made me feel to see my name up there alongside some other really fantastic writers. That’s a moment I will never forget and this is why as a vet, I really tried writing rec lists early on. It means a lot to be included, to know that out of so many others, someone thought you stood out from the crowd.
I doubt she remembers she did it, but I remember her for it. Even if she’s not around much these days.
But back to my point here. Before Idol, the last time I’d written anything was back in a high school creative writing class. I loved shocking my classmates and teachers by writing strange and off the wall stories… pieces about kids coming to school with guns, others about aborted fetuses popping up everywhere (see? I’ve always had a sick, strange and dark mind). It was fun for me. A lot of fun.
Eventually though, I stopped writing. I suppose I felt like I’d simply grown out of it and allowed myself to move away from it
Idol brought me back to it. What started out as something to do to avoid sleeping the day away brought back a passion I had forgotten about long ago.
Coming into Season 7, I was excited and determined to move away from the light and fluffy pieces that made up most of my previous season’s body of work. I dove headfirst into the waters of fiction writing. I discovered a love for fairy tales, and that’s what I stuck to when it came to fiction. And now, in Season 8, I write almost nothing but fiction. I steer clear of nonfiction and unless I’m mocking myself profusely about something stupid I’ve done, I rarely write anything light and sacchariney anymore. It happens from time to time, but my style has grown and evolved into my own. I write dark fiction, mostly sci-fi, sometimes horror and I still dabble in dark fairy tales from time to time. I’m learning, experimenting and growing.
This is all still somewhat new to me and I don’t claim to be perfect, the most polished or the most likely to hit the best seller list; I just claim to be proud of what I have written.
These stories are my own. Many portray my life in fictionalized form. I normally don’t realize this as I’m writing them, it just comes out as I write. It’s only later when I look back that I can see my real emotions seeping through, see my experiences being played out in a metaphor and disguised in a way that no one can really tell it’s me.
I can look back at the pieces I’ve written and pick out exactly how I was feeling or what I was going through at the time I wrote it. My final piece of Season 7, a piece which I have a novel built around now, started out with me feeling vulnerable and like I couldn’t do anything right. Kimber was me just set in an entirely different world that I created to escape from the one I was in at the time.
Looking back at the story of the Magic Shoes, a story that began as a dream, I can see that it’s my story and my feelings of being overshadowed, insignificant and pushed to the side set in a tale of fear and horror. These are all feelings I carry, things I later discussed with my counselor about life in general and things I am working on now. Of course this one came from a dream I had, so it makes sense that parts of me came out within it. Parts of me that I hadn’t known existed as I wrote it.
To say these stories are not my own is taking something away from my work and totally demeaning to me. All those hours I’ve spent writing and tweaking, and tweaking some more and yes, tweaking some more to make sure it’s as perfect as I can make it apparently means nothing to some. I can think of nothing more offensive than to question the authenticity of my work and my integrity. Apparently though, some folks don’t think trying to tarnish somebody’s reputation is anything to get worked up about.
But I am plenty worked up, believe me.
I spend hours upon hours, neglecting sleep in favor of writing and making sure what I put out there is good. I send my pieces to as many beta readers as I can in the amount of time I’m given. I edit until I can’t edit anymore. I’m proud of my work and my effort and am sickened to think that anybody believes I didn’t even do it.
But I know that this is just another bump in the road to the future. All of this is simply part of the journey to get where I am today and where I want to go tomorrow. We all have our trials and it’s how we deal with them that counts. To question that I can’t grow, that I can’t change and adapt or seek out help to learn how to get better on my own is simply wrong and I think, is more your shortcoming than mine. I am an individual that’s constantly on a journey in my life and I never settle for being anything but the best I can be. I work for it. And I work hard for it. To have my effort downplayed or even questioned doesn’t tear me down like some want it to, it builds me up, it makes me angry and gives me fuel to surge forward, to be even better.
Maybe at one time writing wasn’t something I took seriously. But after three seasons of Idol, from nearly being voted out in Week 5 way back when to making it into the Top 3 today, I can honestly say I see things a bit differently. I take my writing very seriously and though it’s a process full of highs and lows, I will never stop learning and growing.
Idol has given me more than just my love of writing back. It’s helped me stretch my wings as a person. I’m no longer content to quietly accept what is handed to me or be somebody’s willing doormat. I’m no longer afraid to speak up and to speak out. I’m nobody’s punching bag and I refuse to be somebody’s victim. I’m an adventurer in this life and I mean to find the treasures in this world and in myself.
As I continue to grow and evolve, it’s helping me find my courage, my confidence and more importantly, it’s helping me to find my true voice… something I will never give up or allow to be taken from me again.
The rest of this journey is of my own choosing. I plan to do things on my terms and my terms only from this day forward. Whatever happens happens. Some don't think I deserve to be here and some have said as much. But I am here and I make no apologies for it because I worked just as hard as anybody else to get to this point. And if I go out this week, I’m going out with my head held high because I know I’m stronger than when I started. Stronger than I ever thought I could be. I no longer feel like I’m a participant in something I have no control over.
I’m no longer the victim and I have Season 8 of LJ Idol to thank for that.