LJ Idol Season 8: Tie-Breaker; Making Fire
My original plan was to rush home from work, pound out the best entry I could in 30 minutes and hope for the best. There was a part of me that was sad to be taking on a dear friend of mine, someone I’ve grown to like more and more as each week went by. If I wasn’t too stubborn for my own good, I might have been the one to sacrifice to give her the honor to move forward, but deep down... I am a fighter.
Since this happened, I want to take this opportunity to address n3m3sis42 and let her know that my heart literally sank when I heard the news of her sacrificing. Yes, this meant I could move forward... But of all the remaining contestants, she’s the one I’m the closest to. I’m honored to call her a friend. I always want my friends to do well, and while yes, I know it’s a game and everyone has to go out at some point (all but one), it still hurts when you see a friend go out.
Especially considering the circumstances. I know she’s a damn good writer. I’m impressed by how she’s been able to grow so much within a year. Her early entries were good, they were unique and true to life... But it was once she dabbled in fiction that she caught my attention and knew we had a threat on our hands. Though she surprised me with some of her Hell Week entries and blew me away with nonfiction again too. She’s multi-talented and that’s something I appreciate in an Idol writer. I like never knowing what to expect when I open up their entry. Will it be about her son this time? Or maybe about the Straw Man, one of my favorite characters? Or will she do something hilarious like the Pinterest entry that I still can’t stop laughing about?
I never knew. And I loved that about her.
She’s been a fine contestant and I’m going to assure you that she will come back even better next season. She grows with every entry she writes and I think she’s a serious threat for all of us next time around, as I think she was a serious threat this time around had circumstances beyond our control hadn’t stepped in and made her drop.
Now that I have said that, the whole circumstances around all this? I can’t ignore it.
First of all, I’m here fair and square. No, you might not think I am the best writer and I’m sorry I’m not your cup of tea. I have loads to learn from the likes of whipchick and notodette and java_fiend too. I’m always striving to get better and better. I only started dabbling in horror and science fiction this season.
But to say I completely suck as a writer? To play that card on me? To say I don’t deserve to be here? I know the goal was to try to beat me down, to hurt me. After all, it was a friend who’d read my therapy posts and knew exactly how to hurt me the most.
But guess what? I’m not hurt. I’m pissed off.
That’s a load of B.S. Idol has never been, nor will it ever be, about the best writer winning. People support me. People like me. I have several people who have stepped forward and said they want me to win it. I don’t think I’m anymore deserving than anyone else left, but I do think I am deserving of being here at least.
Yes, for once in my life I’m going to say it. I deserve this. I didn’t cheat to get here. I hardly even pimped to get here (and there’s nothing wrong with pimping anyway).
Do I deserve to win? Heck, I don’t know. But I think I have an argument for it at least. It just depends on what you’re looking for in a winner. Someone who loves Idol and will do what’s right for the community? Yep. Someone who likes encouraging people instead of tearing them down? Yep, that’s me too. Am I popular? Sure, people seem to like me well enough or else I wouldn’t be here.
I love Idol, and the idea of winning would be amazing, sure. But I would never win at all costs. Is it worth cheating for an icon and a title? No. If you know me, you should know I have integrity. To even question that... Well that’s disgusting
But the worst part about it all is that I let you in to my little world because I LIKED you. I let every one of you in here because I like you. I trust you. I share my deepest, darkest stuff here and I am trying to grow out of my issues and LJ is my safe place.
To violate my safe place like that? To purposefully use my weaknesses against me? Not cool. And if what some people are saying is true and it’s a tactic, well if anyone else is in on this or even wants to continue to make jabs and tear me down, do us both a favor and delete yourself out of my life now.
People who want to tear me down and hurt me for no reason whatsoever have no place in my life. None. I’ve left abusive relationships, dealt with bullying for as long as I can remember. I don’t need grown people calling pretending to be my friends and then attacking me for no reason.
Just know this before you go... Your words didn’t hurt me like you had intended, they angered me. They made me stronger. Because I know better than to believe those things. I topped the contestant-only poll, I made it to the Top 4 (when you didn’t), and rather you agree with it or not... I’m here.
So deal with it.
Anyone who cares to continue to make jabs at my expense should just go now. I’m hot on the trigger to start banning people who don’t get the message they aren’t welcomed in my life.
Life is too short to deal with bullies when I have swarms of people around me who do think I’m worthy, who do think I’m deserving. Rather you agree or not doesn’t matter to me.
I’m proud of my writing this season. I’ve liked my writing and felt like I’ve written some damn good entries myself. I’m not going to let a petty comment or two take that pride away from me.
I may not be the best technical writer, but I can say without a doubt that I’m good one who’s always getting better. And I’m a fighter too, don’t anyone forget that.