Bandom Big Bang 3/4
Jon’s pacing up and down his hallway. It’s a natural reaction to Spencer, the nervousness, but it’s worse than usual. He checks his watch again, then tells himself off. Again. He knows that they’ll be here soon, because he just got a text from Spencer telling him exactly that, but he’s feeling jittery and twitchy because Spencer is going to let him take photos. This is just a level of awesome that Jon is having trouble getting his head around. He’s checked and rechecked his cameras over and over and packed and repacked them in the process. He’s terrified that the photos won’t turn out well and scared that they will but Spencer and Ryan won’t let him keep any of them.
His thoughts are interrupted by the bell ringing. He takes three deep breaths before moving to open the door. Spencer’s standing there, holding out a Boost cup, and Jon feels a surge of emotion that he struggles to tamp down as he accepts the juice gravely. “Thank you, Spencer Smith.”
Spencer grins, then jerks his head towards the street. “Ryan’s getting impatient. Do you have much to carry?”
“Uh. Yeah, actually. Couple of bags.”
Spencer nods, and pushes past him into Jon’s flat. “Nice place. What do you need me to take?”
Jon takes a moment to enjoy Spencer being in his home, before pointing out two of the bags, grabbing the remaining three for himself. “So, what are the plans for today?”
“Pretty normal for a Sunday, actually. We’re going to head to brunch at a café near where we grew up, then we’ll probably head over to my grandmother’s place and mess around with music for a while. Do you want to grab your guitar?”
It’s tempting, but Jon’s getting to do one thing from his Top Five list already and doesn’t want to spoil himself. He shakes his head and follows Spencer out to the car, settling into the back seat with his equipment and breaking out his favourite camera. He tries to do it subtly, but he can see Ryan watching him in the rear-view mirror.
“I’m not here, guys.”
“If you weren’t here, I’d be teasing Spencer about how much you guys like each other. Ow! Fucker! I’m driving here! And we’ve just demonstrated why I can’t really do that right now.”
Jon tries not to giggle or squeal or flail around over that, so he just ducks his head and pretends to adjust the settings.
“Fine. Let’s talk about Brendon, then,” Spencer says with a smirk that Jon can’t resist capturing.
“Let’s not,” Ryan responds hastily.
“Fine. Pete, then?”
Ryan snorts. “He needs to wake up and realise that he’s in love with Patrick before he causes either of them permanent damage. I mean, the making out is great, but hearing him talk about Patrick all the time is kind of a mood killer. Not to mention a little hard on the ego.”
“Hmm. Isn’t it annoying when people can’t take a hint?” Spencer says pointedly, and Jon wonders whether that’s directed at Ryan or himself. Probably not Ryan.
“Pete’s not exactly subtle,” Ryan continues. “He probably couldn’t be clearer without tattooing ‘I love you Patrick Stump’ on his face. Although even then, Patrick would still think he’s joking.”
“Probably,” Spencer agrees, looking out the window. Jon’s sitting behind Ryan, so he’s actually got a pretty good angle for that one. Click.
“Then again, I don’t think Pete’s worked out that his love for Patrick isn’t completely platonic.”
“He’d probably think you were impugning Patrick’s honour if you were to suggest such a thing.” Click. “Not that you would.” Click.
“What are you implying?” Ryan doesn’t actually sound offended, but it’s hard to tell with him.
“You’ll enjoy the make-outs as long as they last.” Click.
There’s a short pause, and Ryan’s, “True,” seems to lack his earlier conviction. Spencer turns to look at him, but doesn’t press for more, and Jon’s not here, so.
Jon fills the silence with the opening and closing of the shutter of his camera for a few minutes, then unbuckles his seatbelt and slides across to the other side so he can see Ryan. Click.
Ryan looks amused, but obviously isn’t going to say anything, intent on taking Jon at his word and pretending he’s not there. Jon’s looking forward to getting out of the car so he can catch their interaction, not just their individual reactions. Click. Click.
They pull up in front of a cafe on a corner in a small suburb and Spencer helps Jon with his bags again. Jon directs them to sit next to each other, even though they would usually sit opposite one another. The waitress recognises them and greets them with familiarity.
Click. Click. Jon’s careful not to get the waitress in the shot. If he’s asked, he’ll say it’s because he hadn’t asked her permission, but in reality, he only wants Spencer and Ryan in these shots. They’re who he’s trying to capture. Anybody else would seem like an intruder. Click.
“Jon?” Jon looks up at Spencer’s voice and sees that they’re all watching him expectantly.
“Sorry. Just. Coffee and toast, please?”
“Watch out, Dee. He’s a barista,” Spencer teases, and Jon flushes.
“I’m not here, remember? That means you can’t tease me.”
“How do you know we don’t tease you when you’re not around?”
Spencer should not be able to pull off a look that innocent. Click. Ryan definitely shouldn’t. Click.
Jon watches as they gradually relax, not quite ignoring him, but not being self-conscious either. He watches through his lens as they talk about people he’s never heard of and things he never knew happened. He watches their casual interaction and silent communication. He listens to Ryan talk about his writing project and attempts to capture the passion reflected by his words. Spencer talks about his drums and his interest in taking lessons to improve his skills, while Ryan insists that he’s fantastic as he is, but that he should pursue lessons if he thinks it will help. Jon begins to feel like an intruder himself as the click, click, click of his camera steals these moments from them, transforms them from something private into something observed.
He’s snapped out of his thoughts by Spencer looking directly at the lens and asking if he’s finished his toast. He glances down at his plate and looks up sheepishly. “Uh. I guess I forgot about it.”
Ryan looks like he’s trying not to laugh, but Spencer just asks if he wants something else. Jon shakes his head and Spencer waves Dee over for the bill. Jon tries to pay for his share, but Ryan and Spencer both glare at him until he backs off. Click. That earns him another glare.
When they arrive at Spencer’s grandmother’s, Ryan leads Jon into the basement while Spencer greets her and asks if she minds if they practice. Apparently she doesn’t, and Ryan informs him that she never does. Spencer settles himself behind his kit and beats each of his drums in succession. He starts a casual 4/4 beat while Ryan tunes. Click. Click. Click.
After a few minutes they launch into a few familiar tunes. Jon can’t help critiquing them as he snaps shot after shot, a habit it’s hard to break. Spencer’s good, really good, and it’s not just his bias showing. He knows more about guitar, so he can give a fairer assessment of Ryan’s skills. He’s pretty good too. Probably not up to Brendon’s level, but he can definitely play. Jon’s hand twitches on his camera, crying out for a guitar or bass. He wishes he’d brought his own now, but that would change the whole tone of the day. Playing with them will come on another day.
Click. Click. Click.
***
Spencer’s going to kill Ryan, he really is. He’s (mostly) sure that Ryan isn’t actually trying to hurt Brendon, but he’s doing a fantastic job nonetheless.
“Brendon’s invited us to see the new Batman movie,” he’d said. “Want to go?”
Spencer snorts, not even remotely amused. He wonders if Ryan really mistook Brendon’s invitation, or if he invited Spencer in full knowledge of Brendon’s expectations as some sort of buffer. Either way, it’s pretty awkward right now. Brendon’s going to spot Spencer any second now, and fuck. He’s actually dressed up. Not over the top, but a step up from his usual casual outfit of tight jeans and t-shirts. This shirt seems to have buttons - in fact, it looks remarkably like the one Jon was wearing to Bill’s farewell party - and it looks like he’s wearing dress pants. Dress pants!
Spencer can tell, even from a distance, how nervous Brendon is. He’s fidgeting even more than usual and seems to be talking to himself. It’s actually kind of adorable in a painful kind of way, and fuck, Ryan’s still not answering his phone. He’s late, he’s not answering and oh, he’s invited Spencer along on what Brendon obviously thinks is a date. Spencer’s going to kill him, best friend or not. Spencer dials again, muttering to himself. “Come on, you fuckhead. Pick up.” And miracle of miracles, Ryan does.
“What, Spence,” he snaps breathlessly, and yeah. Spencer is definitely going to kill him.
“I swear to God, Ryan, you’d better on your way right now, or I’m going to advertise for a new best friend.”
There’s a long pause and Spencer’s heart sinks.
“On my way where?” Ryan asks carefully, as if he’s aware he’s fucked up, but he’s not exactly sure how badly yet.
“Batman. With Brendon.”
“Oh, fuck. I forgot.” Ryan breaks off and Spencer can hear him talking to somebody in the background.
“Ryan.”
“Yeah, sorry. I don’t think I’m going to make it. Tell Brendon I’m-”
“No. Fuck you, Ryan, listen to me. Brendon did not ask us to the movies. He asked you to the movies. On a date. I’m not going to break his heart for you. And you better have a fucking good excuse and it better not have anything to do with Pete Wentz.”
It’s been a long time since Spencer’s been so angry at Ryan. Sometimes Ryan gets lost in himself and doesn’t realise that his actions affect other people, Spencer gets that, but he usually catches himself before he hurts anyone, and Spencer’s furious that it got so far. He’s furious with himself for not realising sooner that Ryan wasn’t paying attention to the people around him. To Brendon. Brendon’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve to be fucked around.
“Fuck,” Ryan says at last.
“Call him, tell him you’re sorry, and do not break his heart more than you have to. Got it?”
“Yeah,” Ryan says quietly, and at least Spencer knows now that Ryan really hadn’t meant to hurt Brendon. He may have known on some level that Brendon had invited him on a date, but he’d probably thought he’d been letting him down easily by pretending he hadn’t known Brendon’s intentions were sincere and not just playful flirting. It was flawed logic, but it was Ryan-logic.
“I’m sorry, Spence.”
“Yeah. I’m not the one dressed up for a guy who’s not going to show.”
Spencer’s not ready to let Ryan off the hook just yet. He eyes Brendon, still fidgeting, eyes darting around expectantly.
“Call him. Now,” he says, voice firm. He hangs up and starts counting. He’s gratified that it only takes a few moments for Brendon to jump and answer his phone. Spencer can’t tear his eyes away, even as Brendon’s face shifts from hopeful to dejected to ‘brave-little-soldier’. He waits until Brendon hangs up, then heads over hesitantly. “Hey,” he begins, then falters. What do you say to the guy whose heart your best friend has just shattered?
Brendon brightens visibly though, and even if it’s not his usual wattage, Spencer feels a little better.
“Hey, Spence. What are you doing here?”
“Um.” Apparently Ryan hadn’t told Brendon everything. Brendon’s eyes widen and wow, that’s probably the most effective ‘kicked-puppy’ expression Spencer’s ever seen.
“If Ryan sent you, then he was never planning on coming, was he?”
“No! No, I mean. He didn’t send me, exactly. Um.” Spencer winces. “He kind of…he didn’t really know it was meant to be a date. He invited me.”
“Oh.” Spencer’s never heard Brendon so quiet. It’s pretty unsettling, really.
“Sorry.”
Brendon shrugs. “Not your fault.”
“Still.”
“Thanks.”
Spencer fishes around for something to say, and eventually settles for, “So. Still want to see Batman?”
Brendon looks surprised, but he smiles and nods. “I…yeah. It looks like a good movie.”
Spencer grins and makes a sweeping gesture. “After you, good sir.”
Brendon’s still giggling when they buy their tickets and popcorn. (“I made dinner reservations, but I’d rather pig out on popcorn, I think!” Brendon confesses and Spencer buys him a choc top too.)
The movie’s really good, and Spencer enjoys Brendon’s company more than he expected to. He’s never really spent a lot of time with Brendon on his own. Usually there’s been at least one other person around. He’s surprised by how much they have to talk about. They eventually say goodnight when they realise how late it’s gotten, and just before he falls asleep he sends an sms to Ryan. Spencer to the rescue. We had a good time. Brendon’s awesome. Your loss!
***
Pete comes into the shop not long after Patrick’s opened. He looks terrible, and Patrick opens his arms immediately. Pete rushes into them and holds on tight, rubbing his cheek against Patrick’s shoulder.
“I think I got Ryan in trouble,” Pete says after a while, and Patrick draws back a little to look at Pete.
“What makes you think that?”
Pete hesitates. Patrick hugs him again, taking care not to look at Pete. Sometimes Pete finds it easier to talk when they’re not making eye contact.
“Ryan called me and I went over and…we were talking and I got upset and he wanted to call you, but…I didn’t want to bother you - don’t interrupt - and so he was talking to me and looking after me and it wasn’t as good as you, but... Anyway, his phone rang and it was Spencer and he shouted a lot, and then Ryan went into the next room and when he came back he looked really worried. And I asked him if he was okay, and he said it was fine, that I shouldn’t worry. But Patrick, Spencer was really mad at him and I think it’s my fault.”
“No, hey. No. It’s not your fault. Whatever it is, it’s not your fault. Friends fight sometimes. Maybe Ryan borrowed one of Spencer’s shirts and ruined it. It could be anything. Don’t worry.”
Patrick takes Pete’s hand, and stokes his back until he notices Ryan arriving and freezing in the doorway. Pete shrinks a little, and mutters goodbye, but Patrick hugs him until he relaxes again before letting him leave. Then he turns on Ryan.
“What the fuck? Why didn’t you call me?”
“He asked me not to.” Ryan’s gaze is steady, and Patrick finds his irritation growing.
“Maybe at first, but whatever you and Spencer fought about made it worse! He thinks it’s his fault!”
Ryan’s shaking his head emphatically. “It’s not. It’s my fault. I fucked up. I tried telling Pete that, but he wouldn’t listen. I’ll try again after work, but I don’t want to make things worse right now. I’m really sorry,” he says, voice softer now. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
Patrick’s torn between asking Ryan what happened and bawling him out for hurting Pete, whether he meant to or not. He decides to do neither, taking a deep breath and turning away from Ryan. He’ll find out what happened later. Right now he needs to look after Pete.
“Look after the shop. I’ll be back…I don’t know when. I’m going to look after Pete.” Patrick pauses by the door. “I believe you didn’t mean to hurt him. Unfortunately, he’s easy to hurt by accident.”
Greta looks surprised and relieved to see him when he walks in. “He’s hugging the puppies,” she says quietly. Patrick nods, and walks past the counter towards the pet enclosure. Pete’s lying inside the gate beside the cages with the dogs crawling all over him.
“Hey,” Patrick says quietly, and Pete jerks his gaze up and starts to smile. “’Trick! You came to see me! Can you climb over? I don’t want these guys running loose and if we open the gate they’ll try to escape!”
Patrick tries to ignore Greta’s giggles as he climbs over the picket fence and drops down beside Pete. He has a lapful of excited, squirming warmth almost instantly. The puppies join them too.
“Ryan says it’s his fault, not yours. He says he’s sorry.”
Pete nods. “I know. I know it’s not actually my fault. It’s just. It’s what I automatically think. It usually is, so it must be the rest of the time, right?”
“Pete…”
“No. I know.” Pete rubs his forehead. “I need to talk to my doctor about my meds, I think.”
Patrick tries not to show his surprise. “That’s great, Pete.”
“Yeah, no. I know. I don’t want to, but I think I need to.” Pete hesitates. “Will you come with me?”
Patrick squeezes his hand. “Of course.”
Patrick and Pete stay like that for a while, puppies crawling all over them. Pete laughs at their antics and Patrick laughs with him, glad to hear the sound. It’s the best sound in the world, Patrick thinks, brushing his fingers over the back of Pete’s hand. When Pete’s been sad for some reason, that first laugh is precious. Worth more than gold. They’ve been there for about fifteen minutes when Greta joins them, eyes sparkling.
“I have gossip!” she announces and Patrick can feel Pete’s surprise as clearly as his own.
“Greta! You’re not a gossip!”
“Not usually, no, but this is priceless! Vicky-T came to tell me herself!”
“What is it?” Pete asks eagerly and Greta grins at him, obviously almost as pleased to see him happy as Patrick is.
“Apparently Brendon can’t shut up about his night last night. Apparently he went to the movies with Spencer and they had a great time and they have so much in common and he can’t wait to have lunch with him so they can finish one of their conversations…looks like Brendon’s over Ryan and onto Spencer! I wonder what Jon thinks?” she muses as she walks away.
Pete climbs off Patrick’s lap and turns to face him. “You should go back and talk to Ryan,” he says very seriously.
“Why?”
“I think that’s what Spencer and Ryan were fighting about last night. I wasn’t really listening, I was too upset, but. I don’t know.” Pete hesitates and the look on his face makes something inside Patrick twist.
“What is it, Pete?”
“Ryan said…the reason I was upset, was that Ryan said he only wanted to be friends. That he didn’t want to make out with me anymore.”
Patrick reaches out to hug Pete, but he gets shrugged off. “No, that’s not. I mean, it sucks, but. That’s not what I meant. I asked if he was going to start making out with Brendon now that he was done with me.” Pete winces. “I was pretty upset. Anyway, I asked him and he got all quiet and he said no, but. I don’t know. Maybe he likes Brendon?”
Patrick reaches out again, and this time Pete allows himself to be hugged. “I’ll talk to him if you want me to. Will you be okay?” Pete nods, and Patrick stands up, brushing dog hair and shredded paper from his jeans. “I’ll come and see you in a little while. Enjoy your puppies.”
Back at the shop, Patrick checks for customers, then turns to Ryan. “Okay. You broke things off with Pete. Why?”
“I’m only an infatuation. I’m not who he needs or who he wants. I was a fun distraction, but...I felt like I was taking advantage. I want him to be happy, and I’m getting in the way of that. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I would have hurt him worse if I’d let it continue.”
Patrick watches him for a while. “If you’d said just about anything else, I’d probably make your life miserable until you quit.” Patrick’s not lying, either. There weren’t a lot of unpleasant tasks at the shop, but Patrick could have found more.
“I should warn you. People are talking. I don’t want you to hear it from somebody you don’t even know, so. People are saying that Brendon and Spencer are dating.”
Ryan looks surprised, then starts laughing. “Oh, no. It’s a misunderstanding. It wasn’t a date. I mean. Well. No, they just saw a movie, I think. I was supposed to go, but I was worried about Pete.”
Patrick nods. If Ryan’s not going to react badly when he hears the rumours, then he’s not worried. “Why didn’t you call me? You know I would have come over.”
Ryan hesitates again. “Look. I wanted to, but Pete asked me not to. He was really adamant. If I’d called you, he would have hated me for it. I care about him a lot. It was a tough call. I probably made the wrong decision, but I was being selfish. I was the one who hurt him. I wanted to be the one to look after him.”
Patrick can understand that, sort of, but he’s still annoyed. When Pete’s broken, it’s Patrick’s job to fix him. That’s just the way it is.
“Patrick? If it happens again, and I hope it doesn’t, I’ll call you. I promise.”
***
Ryan puts off taking his break for as long as he can. He feels like a monumental jerk. Which, yeah, he kind of is. He’s not looking forward to seeing Brendon. Apologising over the phone had been bad enough. Brendon had sounded pretty defeated. Ryan really doesn’t want to actually see the expression that goes along with that voice. He knows he has to, though. He actually genuinely likes Brendon. He’s a good guy. Ryan hadn’t intended to hurt him. He just hadn’t tried very hard not to.
“Ryan, you need to take your break,” Patrick says, and Ryan doesn’t have any more excuses to put it off. He grabs his bag from the back room and crosses his fingers that Brendon’s busy at Boost and won’t see him when he passes by. Unfortunately, luck is not on his side. Brendon looks up just as he’s passing and their eyes meet. Brendon offers a hesitant wave and Ryan actually hates himself a little bit as he heads over and joins Brendon at the counter.
“Hey,” he begins, and Brendon’s smile isn’t nearly as bright as usual. Ryan misses it.
“I’m really sorry about last night. I got caught up with stuff with Pete,” and as soon as that’s out of his mouth, Ryan wants to take it back. He knows what Brendon’s going to assume, what Spencer already assumed, and it’s not that, not exactly, and he can’t really explain without telling them things about Pete that it’s not his place to say. He tries again.
“I was wondering. Did you want to have lunch? I mean, if you haven’t had your break already. I want to make up for last night.”
That’s not strictly true. He doesn’t want to make up for what Brendon wanted out of last night. He’s not going to agree to go on a date just because he feels guilty. He does want to make amends though, for forgetting about their plans and choosing the worst possible night to talk to Pete.
“Oh. Spencer and I had lunch together earlier. Maybe another time.”
He’s so busy trying to read Brendon’s face, usually so open and candid that it takes a moment for his words to register.
“You…oh. Oh, okay. Um. Well, yeah. Another time. I. I guess I’ll see you around?”
Ryan’s frowning as he walks away. He’s surprised that Spencer and Brendon had lunch, and jealous. Spencer and Ryan have lunch almost every day. Sure, sometimes they can’t get their breaks to match up, but they usually at least visit each other. If Spencer didn’t come see Ryan in his break, it probably means he’s still pissed. Ryan hadn’t counted on needing to apologise to Spencer any more than he had already, but it looks like he’s going to have to.
The shop’s empty of customers when Ryan arrives, so he heads straight for Spencer and starts talking before Spencer can say anything.
“I’m sorry, okay? I fucked up. I didn’t mean to hurt him and I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward situation and it sucks that I did, but I can’t take it back. I can only try to make up for it. But please, don’t be mad at me. You’re my best friend and I can’t handle you being mad at me.”
Ryan breaks off when he realises Spencer’s looking at him like he’s crazy. “I’m not. I mean. I was, but I know you, Ross. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him, and I know you’re feeling guilty as hell now that you know you did. Also, that you’re going to bend over backwards trying to make up for it.”
“But if you’re not mad...” Ryan frowns. “You didn’t come and see me at lunch.” And wow, that sounded even more pathetic out loud than it did in his head.
“Oh, damn. Sorry, Brendon and I got caught up and ran out of time. I figured I’d see you in your break anyway. Sorry.”
Spencer doesn’t sound particularly upset, and Ryan tries not to get annoyed. He also tries not to feel jealous, but that’s not working very well either.
“Um. I’m going to go and get some lunch. I’ll see you later?”
“Sure. Brendon’s coming over after work to show me some of his music. I’m sure you’d be welcome too.”
“Right.”
It’s unsettling, this feeling of jealousy. Ryan has no real reason to be jealous. Spencer will be his best friend, no matter what. Even if he does start dating Brendon. Ryan definitely wouldn’t have predicted that happening, but maybe the rumours Patrick told him about weren’t so farfetched. Spencer was spending enough time with Brendon, after all. He must have gotten fed up with waiting for Jon to make a move and Brendon was right there. Still. It’s kind of tacky, and Ryan’s disappointed in his friend. Brendon deserves better than to be somebody’s second choice.
He can see the irony in him thinking that after the way he treated Brendon himself, but just because he doesn’t want to date him doesn’t mean he wants him to be used. That’s the reason he broke things off with Pete. It felt too much like Ryan was using him, when it was clear that Ryan wasn’t who he really wanted.
Ryan sighs and heads to the sandwich shop in the food court. Even when he tries to do the right thing, people ended up getting hurt. He knows that he’s not always attentive to other people and what they need and how they feel, but that’s just the way he is. He hates that it always seems to end badly and not usually for him. He’s not a bad person. He doesn’t like to see people hurting, especially people he counts as friends. Things just seem to go wrong when he’s involved.
He just hopes nobody else is going to get hurt because of his mistakes.
***
If one more person looks at Jon like he’s going to break, he’s going to do something drastic.
Like stop smiling. Maybe even purposely ruin a coffee. Something. Tom’s obviously doing his best at ignoring the situation, and Jon’s grateful.
Tom’s fielding the customers whenever he can, leaving Jon to hide behind the coffee machine. Jon thinks that he would have an easier time laughing it off if Spencer would just come in and laugh it off with him. Tell him it’s ridiculous and stupid and a misunderstanding. Which Jon’s sure it is. Most of the time.
Because what if it’s not? What if Spencer got tired of Jon’s slow progress and Brendon got tired of Ryan ignoring him and they started spending time together and realised how fantastic they each were and how perfect that makes them for each other? What if they really are dating? What if Jon’s lost his chance?
Even if Spencer’s too busy to come by, surely Brendon could stop in and put him out of his misery. Whatever the truth is, Jon just needs to hear it, and from them, not from one his gossipy colleagues. Or even from Ryan. Ryan will know the truth, Jon’s sure. And if it turns out that Brendon and Spencer are dating, well. That’s going to suck, but Jon’s going to do the right thing and step back. He’s not going to interfere with anything that might make Spencer happy.
“Jon.”
Jon turns to Tom, who’s nodding towards the escalators. Jon looks up and sees Ryan on his way up to the food court and his heart sinks. If Ryan didn’t stop by for coffee, maybe he was avoiding seeing Jon. Maybe he’s trying to put off telling him something.
The shop’s pretty quiet, so Jon takes off his apron and tells Tom he’ll just be a minute. He pushes his way through the few people blocking his way and runs to catch up with Ryan. Ryan looks surprised to see him and Jon takes a moment to hope that Ryan didn’t come in because he was busy being lost in his head, not because he was avoiding Jon.
“What’s up?” he asks, aiming for casual but probably falling short.
“I’m a miserable jerk. What’s up with you?”
Jon’s curious, but he’s more interested in getting an answer to his question. And who knows? Maybe they’re linked. “I’m just miserable. There’s a rumour going around that Spencer Smith has a boyfriend and it’s not me.”
Ryan hesitates and Jon’s world comes crashing down. “Oh,” he says, taking a step back.
“No! Jon, it’s not…I don’t know. Spencer hasn’t said anything. But. They saw a movie last night and had lunch together today and they’re seeing each other tonight. So. Maybe. I don’t know.”
Jon’s vaguely aware that Ryan looks almost as wrecked as he feels, but he can’t bring himself to ask why. He’s too concerned with his own state. “Oh. Okay.” There’s hope, he thinks. As long as Spencer hasn’t said anything to Ryan, there’s hope. But Jon can’t do that to himself. He can’t let himself hope, because if he does and then Spencer does tell Ryan that he and Brendon are dating…he’s not sure he could take that hit. Better to give up now.
“Um. I’m going to…yeah, I have to…work. Bye.”
“Yeah. Uh. I’ll come see you when I’ve got my sandwich.”
Jon nods, but he’s not sure that he really wants Ryan to come and visit him, especially if he’s going to want to talk about Spencer. Or Brendon. Or Spencer and Brendon. He doesn’t though. When Ryan comes in, he orders a big slice of mud cake.
“Pete had a rough night last night. I’m going to give this to Patrick to take him.”
He doesn’t ask, because he has a pretty good idea what a bad night is for Pete and a better idea that he doesn’t want to pry, doesn’t want to know why Ryan’s not going to give it to him himself. “I’d better give you extra cream, then,” he says instead.
After Ryan’s left, Jon helps himself to another slice of the mud cake and picks at it, trying not to mope. He also tries not to think about the time he brought chocolate cake to Spencer, because that was the same day he’d introduced Brendon to Spencer.
“Stop moping,” Tom advises, attacking Jon’s cake with a plastic fork.
“Stop nagging.”
“I haven’t started yet. I will if you don’t stop moping. Save it for tonight. We’ll have ice cream and watch romantic comedies. It’ll be awesome.”
Jon sighs, and pushes the cake towards Tom. “Fine. I’ll be Mary Fucking Sunshine until nine o’clock exactly. Then I’m moping again. Okay?”
“Good enough.”
***
Pete’s playing with the puppies again when Patrick arrives. He quickly explains that he did actually stop and work for a few hours, but Patrick just grins at him and leans against the fence.
“You’re going to have to stop playing with the dogs and wash your hands. I’ve got cake.”
Pete’s on his feet instantly, scooping up the puppies and returning them to their large class cages with soft murmurs of, “I’ll be back soon, but cake is something that should never be turned down.”
Pete drags Patrick into the back room with him while he washes his hands, then makes grabby hands at him.
“Cake!”
Patrick grins and hands it over.
“Ooh! Chocolate!”
“I can’t take all the credit, unfortunately. Jon is responsible for the extra whipped cream and Ryan’s the one who picked it up.”
“But it was your idea.” Pete says. He doesn’t want to know if it was Ryan’s idea. He doesn’t hate Ryan, he’s not even really mad at him anymore, but he thinks he needs a bit of a break from all things Ryan at the moment. He said things, things Pete didn’t want to hear.
He’s given Pete things to think about, things Pete doesn’t want to think about, things Pete has carefully spent the last few years not thinking about, thank you very much Ryan Ross. Pete has a defence now, though. If Ryan brings it up again, he’ll just counter with Brendon.
Pete’s sure that Ryan’s going to be jealous over the Spencer and Brendon rumours. He’ll probably deny it, or say that it’s because he misses Spencer, but Pete saw the look on his face last night when he realised he’d hurt Brendon. It was close to the look he’d had about an hour earlier, when he’d apologised for hurting Pete, but more intense.
When Ryan and Pete first started spending time together, they talked about a lot of things, including Brendon. Ryan’s initial opinion of Brendon had been less than favourable, thinking him nutty and over-exuberant. He’d confessed to thinking he was attractive, but had considered his excitability and obvious fascination off-putting. Pete had decided not to point out the similarities between himself and Brendon - there weren’t many, but they’d both been pretty fascinated by and enthused about Ryan.
Pete wonders if Ryan remembers when he started talking about Brendon as a friend, and not just ‘that guy from Boost’. It was around the time that he found out that Brendon was passionate about music.
But it wasn’t until Brendon’s concert that he started talking about Brendon almost as often as he did Spencer. His surprise at his talent and ability and his dedication to his students, and his realisation that Brendon had a lot more depth than he’d given him credit for were a turning point.
That was the moment that Pete realised that his ‘thing’ with Ryan wasn’t going anywhere. That was the day he started counting down to the end. He’d been a whole week off.
“Are you going to eat that, or just stare at it?” Patrick asks, and Pete pushes the cake aside to hug Patrick. Hugging Patrick is one of his favourite things in the world. He wished he could do it all the time, not just a few times a day.
“I made an appointment,” he says.
“Good.”
“It’s for tomorrow. Can you still come?”
“Yeah. Ryan should be able to work. If he can’t, I’ll close the shop. You’re more important.”
And Pete knows that, he does, but it means so much to hear Patrick say it. It means the world to him, and he starts to think that maybe Ryan was right. About this, anyway. He’s not ready to think about that though, so he changes the subject.
“Did you ask Ryan about Spencer and Brendon?”
“Yeah. He said it was a misunderstanding, but when he came back from lunch he didn’t seem quite so convinced.”
“Huh. That’s got to suck for him.”
“Pete…”
Patrick sounds worried, so Pete hurries to reassure him. “No, no. I’m not going to offer myself as a consolation prize. That’s not what I meant.”
“I didn’t think-”
“I know. But I’m not going to feel sorry for myself or try to win him back or anything. I’m pretty sure he’s about to come to the startling realisation that he’s a little bit in love with Brendon. It’s going to be awesome. Well, mostly. Not so much if Brendon and Spencer really are dating.”
Patrick shakes his head, but Pete ignores him and concentrates on his cake. “Jon Walker’s pretty awesome.”
Patrick seems surprised by the apparent non sequitur, so Pete lets that rest for a while before finishing his sentence. “You’re awesomer though.”
“Uh. I don’t think that’s a word, but thanks.”
“You know you’re my favourite, right?”
Patrick’s hug is more than answer enough, but Patrick’s “You’re my favourite too,” is pretty much the best thing ever.
Part Four