oy
"And when I'm lying in my bed
I think about life
And I think about death
And neither one particularly appeals to me" (the smiths
thats how i feel right now....I fucked up my eating....I am like 113 now. I am disgusted with myself...I'm tired of doing this and screwing up and feeling so crappy and ugly and fat :*(...and I thought i'd be 100 by xmas..which is sunday
i suck
But honestly why do I care? what am I going to get from being skinny...but the thought of getting fat- I can't even handle that. I guess maybe I feel I can be like fuck you everybody I'm skinnier than you. That's so immature and I bet all they'll think is oh she's skinny-big deal. I even hear from guys that they don't like really skinny girls-who am I doing this for? I don't know. I just feel like things will be better or I'll be prettier if I get skinny...but I get scared that if I get there I still will feel this way. Maybe that's why I keep fucking up and bingeing-i'm subconsciously keeping myself from getting to my goal so I have something to give me hope that I'll get happy or feel pretty. Other people have so much worse problems than I do...and here I am on live journal whining about how sad I am cuz I'm fattish. I'm so stupid.
I think about life
And I think about death
And neither one particularly appeals to me" (the smiths
thats how i feel right now....I fucked up my eating....I am like 113 now. I am disgusted with myself...I'm tired of doing this and screwing up and feeling so crappy and ugly and fat :*(...and I thought i'd be 100 by xmas..which is sunday
i suck
But honestly why do I care? what am I going to get from being skinny...but the thought of getting fat- I can't even handle that. I guess maybe I feel I can be like fuck you everybody I'm skinnier than you. That's so immature and I bet all they'll think is oh she's skinny-big deal. I even hear from guys that they don't like really skinny girls-who am I doing this for? I don't know. I just feel like things will be better or I'll be prettier if I get skinny...but I get scared that if I get there I still will feel this way. Maybe that's why I keep fucking up and bingeing-i'm subconsciously keeping myself from getting to my goal so I have something to give me hope that I'll get happy or feel pretty. Other people have so much worse problems than I do...and here I am on live journal whining about how sad I am cuz I'm fattish. I'm so stupid.