(no subject)
there are some things i feel like i can never win at. i feel like i am a brat sometimes because i want things to go my way and i dont feel like they ever really do. i wish things could just be easy, but you always are putting so much work into them. especially into relationships, intimate and otherwise. i get so weary of doing it, but its like, what else can you do? when you do have those nice and easy times, it feels like it makes up for it right then in that moment. at other times it doesnt seem worth it. i get to feeling like sometimes i cant make myself understood by other people, like i somehow intentionally keep them walled off to an extent, or keep me walled off, whatever. going to my dads this weekend which im not really looking forward to as usual. oh well, maybe it will be better than i think it will. its been really beautiful here the past couple days. i accidentally missed globalization again today which really sucks because i do actually like that class. its my favorite one right now. i just got on the bus and then remembered that i had section right after class and hadnt brought any of my stuff for it that was due so i had to get off and wait a while for the next bus to come and by the time i was gonna go across the street to wait for the bus back to campus, i wouldve gotten there by 3 or 250, which wouldve only been 10 or 20 minutes left of class so i didnt feel like that was worth it, dont know if i was right. i hope she doesnt kick me out of class because she asked me if i wanted to stay in it last time and i said yes so she shouldnt. archaeology isnt as cool as i thought it would be. its pretty dull and boring and i heard its an easy class with mostly just busy work. im glad it should be easy, but i was really looking for something that would be interesting, and the professor just rambles a lot so i daze out. anyway, my other class, native peoples of north america is pretty good too. i have one of my profs from last quarter as a ta. but this really annoying guy scott who i had in a class last quarter and who i tried to be nice to, is in two of my classes now. i dont know why but i really just do not like him and as bad as i feel about it its not enough to make me keep pretending i like him. so ive been avoiding eye contact and not saying hi to him anymore hoping he just picks up on that. he always tries to like, flaunt how many girl friends he has like i would care. so thats a little annoying. i havent seen my other friend scott since last quarter but im hoping that we will actually find reason to hang out sometime this quarter. ive been trying to go through all my kazaa music and get rid of it or transfer it to itunes and im down to 86 songs which i think is impressive since i started out with like 1500 or something. i cant get rid of themovies though cause they dont copy anywhere and i cant buy them yet, haha. im a little scared of getting sued by those corporations for pirating, but i dont know how it really works, like how they find you or anything... as a closing statement, taxes are way too difficult and should be made more people-friendly. i hope i filled them out right so the irs doesnt come after me. there was a sizeable amount of drama with me and dylan last weekend but i guess its better now... its an ongoing thing. im kinda anxious about how this weekend will play out with him, meeting my dads part of the family and all... yikes.