chronology of me
People tend to tell me that I'm a bit of a mystery. That I'm too secretive. It's true I keep a lot of secrets. There isn't a single person in this world that knows the real me. It's not on purpose it's just I tend to be a different person with everyone. Partially because I don't know who I am either so I constantly have to reinvent myself. Each person that knows me have a completely different view on me. I decided to tell you some things about my life that you may or may not have known here.
I was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan and I was so small that I got pnuemonia when I was two months old, nearly killing me. And I was born in the summer! My mom didn't leave the hospital, my dad visited me once.
My father was a drug addict who beat my mom. He threatened her with a gun when I was 4 and left shortly after that but not before threatening to kidnap me. We left Grand Rapids shortly after and needless to say I was kept very close to my mother. But I did have a lot of babysitters because my mom worked a lot to support us. I was very close to my mother when I was younger. I still love her very much but I hate to admit that we are not as close as we used to be. Our opinions are too diffenrent on a lot of things now, which sometimes causes fights between us.
I had surgery on my right eye when I was two because it was lazy. It went completely inward and the doctor said that I was probably seeing two or three of everything. I will have to wear glasses my whole life.
After my dad my mother had a boyfriend who beat and molested me. She found bruises on me and (literally) threw him out of our apartment. (now you know where I get my spunk lol)
I have a small family (on my moms side) and I'm close with them all. I also have a lot of friends I consider family I love them all.
I have moved about a dozen times in my life but never out of state.
My biggest struggle has always been with myself. I developed an eating disorder when I was 13 which would last 7 years and forever fuck up my stomach. I was bulimic which has made my intstines swell (perminately) I can't eat large portions at a time or I will get severe stomach pain.
I also began cutting at the same age. Which I hate to admit is still my addiction but I get better everyday. I'm slowly gaining control.
I have been trying to kill myself my whole life. When I was four I was sent to therapy for saying that I wanted to die.
I attempted suicide when I was 16. I was sent to forestview psychiatric hospital when I was 17 for bulimia, self injury, and suicidal thoughts. Then "attempted suicide" again at age 20 and was treated like shit in the hospital for being with my girlfriend.
The town I live in currently actually has a pretty large (and secretive) gay community for being a small town. It is split right down the center; the gays, lesbians, and bis and then the conservative church group.
A lot of people get confused when I talk about men I used to date. They say "I thought you only liked girls" I do now prefer girls but there is very few lesbians in this world that have never had a boyfriend. I turned strictly to girls only a couple years ago. I have had 4 boyfriends and only 1 girlfriend. I always knew that I liked girls but never admitted it. When I finally came around people thought it was hilarious because in high school all my friends were gay or bi and I was always saying I was straight. I was terrified to be gay. Not sure why anymore.
I like girls a lot.
I fell in love with my first girlfriend and some people thought it was because she was my first. But that's not true. I don't fall in love easily. I didn't love my first boyfriend like that and I hardly knew the guy who took my virginity.
Love is the best feeling ever and I wish I still had it.
I'm not a relationship person. I don't sleep around or anything but I don't like feeling tied down. I can only think of two people in the world right now that I would have a relationship with if they wanted to.
Mmmm lets see? what else. I want to move to New York someday. I'm going to be going to school to be a journalist or a teacher but most likely a journalist. I'm a free spirit. I'm a tomboy. I don't know how to be sexy. and I like girls a lot lol.
I have had a lot of hard times but I try not to reflect on them. I am constantly improving my life.
Oh, and I think tattoos are hott.
If you have any questions or think that there were missing parts in this just let me know. If I think it's too personal I'll just tell you.