-sigh-
Oh, my poor neglected LJ, how long has it been.
Goodness, it's been too long since I've been online in general. Actually online to write or whatever. I've lost my once-rampant creative streak. Which makes me sad.
For those of you who don't know, I went into therapy a few months ago. Mainly to learn how to deal with stress. Which has been working to a degree. I've been able to express myself better and calm down, and not let meself be walked on. Which is definitely an improvement.
On the other hand, I've found other ways to store my stress, hence the Acid Reflux, constant headaches and lack of steep to the point of exhaustion. Joy.
I'm slowly moving into myself, which is a long time coming, and become less afraid of expressing my true feelings. I've also become more self indulgent, to a point, and not do things out of a misplaced sense of obligation or guilt. I haven't been as giving of my time as I used to be. Some days I feel rather guilty about ignoring a phonecall or saying no. Somedays, not so much.
I need to go out more. Harvest is in full swing, and I definitely don't feel like going to the gym aftyer getting home at 730. Or working on the weekend. But I need to. And I will probably start after faire.
Pirate Faire is the next two weekends and I'm jazzed as hell. Good times with good people. I need to come out of my shell this faire, but it seems weird. All these folks still seem as Mike's friends to me, so I stay reserved. And then there's my sense of mortification if I even think of doing something 'out of character' for myself.
Truth is, I really don't know what my 'character' is anymore. In life in general. I'm still tired of feeling like the constant little girl. We'll see how it goes. If there's any place for me to 'come out of my shell' it's pirate faire. Very little is deemed outrageous there.
Well, wish me luck, and I hope you all are well. And if any of you find yourself in the area of Ojai on the 19-20, or 26-27, stop by lake Casitas and see if you can find me. Ask for the Penguins.
You'll be able to find us easy.
ciao
Goodness, it's been too long since I've been online in general. Actually online to write or whatever. I've lost my once-rampant creative streak. Which makes me sad.
For those of you who don't know, I went into therapy a few months ago. Mainly to learn how to deal with stress. Which has been working to a degree. I've been able to express myself better and calm down, and not let meself be walked on. Which is definitely an improvement.
On the other hand, I've found other ways to store my stress, hence the Acid Reflux, constant headaches and lack of steep to the point of exhaustion. Joy.
I'm slowly moving into myself, which is a long time coming, and become less afraid of expressing my true feelings. I've also become more self indulgent, to a point, and not do things out of a misplaced sense of obligation or guilt. I haven't been as giving of my time as I used to be. Some days I feel rather guilty about ignoring a phonecall or saying no. Somedays, not so much.
I need to go out more. Harvest is in full swing, and I definitely don't feel like going to the gym aftyer getting home at 730. Or working on the weekend. But I need to. And I will probably start after faire.
Pirate Faire is the next two weekends and I'm jazzed as hell. Good times with good people. I need to come out of my shell this faire, but it seems weird. All these folks still seem as Mike's friends to me, so I stay reserved. And then there's my sense of mortification if I even think of doing something 'out of character' for myself.
Truth is, I really don't know what my 'character' is anymore. In life in general. I'm still tired of feeling like the constant little girl. We'll see how it goes. If there's any place for me to 'come out of my shell' it's pirate faire. Very little is deemed outrageous there.
Well, wish me luck, and I hope you all are well. And if any of you find yourself in the area of Ojai on the 19-20, or 26-27, stop by lake Casitas and see if you can find me. Ask for the Penguins.
You'll be able to find us easy.
ciao