Just chatting
I'm thinking more and more about this whole marriage thing that Mike and I have been discussing (for those of my friends who are reading this, please don't say anything in public about it. We haven't really talked with my folks about it, and I'm incredibly superstitious, so I'd rather not say anything than get too optimistic. I know it's stupid,)
Anyway, after going through the whole gamut of insecurities (is he really making this decision for the right reasons, or is he just tired of waiting...is he sure...are we ready for this...we've only been together for a year...are we rushing...) I've come to the decision that emotionally we are ready. Monetarily, mmmmm, not so much. It puts us in a bit of a spot, since I will be the primary bread winner while he finishes school. He at first wanted to wait until he was done with school, but it's getting harder to wait for the both of us. Which is weird, but I'll get to that later.
I still want to wait until I have lived on my own for a while, if for no other reason than to prove that I CAN to my family. And to actually accomplish something for myself. My entire life I always do things and live to make other peoplehappy. That is the one thing I want to do for myself,. I want to accomplish this one thing. I suppose that will have to come into effect at some point. I would just like some time in my life where I don't have to answer to anyone, where I don't have to take someone else into consideration if I want to bring something home or if I want to buy something. Where someone else doesn't necessarily dictate my decision. Although, being in a relationship, I suppose it's already moot, because I still have Mike to consider. Although I can't imagine I would do anything or bring anything home that he would disagree with.
Anyway, on to the weird thing.... I consistently have this habit of running away anytime anyone gets too close. And I'm not on this one, and I think I've finally figured out why. I want thins. I've wanted this for years. Which is kind of scary to me. Although I am glad it's working out.
And now I'm tired.
Anyway, after going through the whole gamut of insecurities (is he really making this decision for the right reasons, or is he just tired of waiting...is he sure...are we ready for this...we've only been together for a year...are we rushing...) I've come to the decision that emotionally we are ready. Monetarily, mmmmm, not so much. It puts us in a bit of a spot, since I will be the primary bread winner while he finishes school. He at first wanted to wait until he was done with school, but it's getting harder to wait for the both of us. Which is weird, but I'll get to that later.
I still want to wait until I have lived on my own for a while, if for no other reason than to prove that I CAN to my family. And to actually accomplish something for myself. My entire life I always do things and live to make other peoplehappy. That is the one thing I want to do for myself,. I want to accomplish this one thing. I suppose that will have to come into effect at some point. I would just like some time in my life where I don't have to answer to anyone, where I don't have to take someone else into consideration if I want to bring something home or if I want to buy something. Where someone else doesn't necessarily dictate my decision. Although, being in a relationship, I suppose it's already moot, because I still have Mike to consider. Although I can't imagine I would do anything or bring anything home that he would disagree with.
Anyway, on to the weird thing.... I consistently have this habit of running away anytime anyone gets too close. And I'm not on this one, and I think I've finally figured out why. I want thins. I've wanted this for years. Which is kind of scary to me. Although I am glad it's working out.
And now I'm tired.