"They'd eat you alive in a minute."
Fair warning: I am not in the best of moods tonight, and I need someplace to just dump all this doubt and angst and crap I've been carting around for a while now, so ... here we are.
I decided several months ago that I was going to move to Chicago at the end of May 2006, when the lease on my current apartment expires. I've been living in Nashville for the past 4 years, but don't like it very much, and I'm ready to move on. My parents, who are also in Nashville, are less than thrilled with this. Apart from my time in college, I've never lived away from home in my life, and they're having trouble letting go, yadda yadda. This resulted in my mother saying some very hurtful things to me today about how I was making a bad decision and I wouldn't be able to find employment up there and it's too soon for me to move away and what could I possibly be thinking. Doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but I am very close to my parents and their opinion means a great deal to me, so when they are unsupportive of something I do, it really brings me down and messes with my head.
So, why do I want to move, anyway? Why Chicago, and why not Nashville? I ... don't really know that I can explain it. The not-Nashville part is easier: I'm not too fond of the South anymore, and this place doesn't feel like home to me. Apart from my parents, I don't have any real friends here, and I'm just sick to death of being lonely. Yeah, I know I could try to meet people here, but I feel like ... like this isn't where I'm supposed to be. Like every new day in this city is a day spent putting my life on hold, because the life that I'm supposed to be living is waiting for me somewhere else. The bottom line is that I'm just not happy here. (Also, I attended grad school at Vandy for two years and was really REALLY not happy there, and every time I drive through downtown it's a nasty reminder of that era, so I'd like to get away from that.)
As for "why Chicago in particular"? *shrugs* Dunno. Possibly because it's a big city (which is what I want) but not too big; it's up North in a blue state but still close enough to easily visit friends and family down South; I actually know people there (*waves to tzikeh and merryish and vagabondage andf1renze, and renenet who is close by*) so I wouldn't be totally alone; and every time I've visited this city I've absolutely loved it. That's pretty much it. Not the best reasons in the world, I know, but I gotta go somewhere, and right now Chicago's in the lead.
The problem is my current job. It's wonderful. And I feel like a moron for being so willing to up and leave it in 7 months when I have no clue if I can find something just as good (or anything at all, really) in Chicago. (I work in programming and web development, BTW.) But I'd rather have a crappy job and live in a place that feels like home, than have a wonderful job here. Yeah, good employment is nice, but it's not the most important thing to me. A job is a job. The best and most fulfilling parts of my life start when I come home. :) My parents don't get that. They're from a completely different generation where job security is the #1 priority in your life, and you do absolutely anything to hang on to it. They both stayed at the same job in the same small dinky city for 25 years, and they only moved to Nashville because my Dad got transferred there. So they think that my decision to quit in May so I can move is utterly ridiculous. And hell, maybe they're right. I dunno.
Anyway, their general negativity is making me all stressed out about this, and now I'm doubting myself. Am I stupid for wanting to give up a very good job with an excellent salary, excellent benefits, and an excellent boss & coworkers in order to pursue some nebulous dream of big-city life that I don't even know I'll like? My rationale is that I'm 26 and single; if I want to travel around the country and try new places and new things, I should do it now. Or maybe that's stupid; maybe now is the time when I should be building up a stable employment history so that I can have a greater chance at successfully relocating later. And how soon do I need to start looking for a job up there? What about an apartment? I just ... I really really want to do this, but I don't know how to go about it, and I've never done anything this big on my own before and it's freaking me out. Normally I would turn to my parents for help, but, you know. The more discouragement I hear from them, the more I feel like a fool for thinking I could ever pull this off. I've been mulling this over all evening and it keeps getting worse and worse in my head and now I'm just miserable.
What I really really want right now is to call up a close friend or significant other and have them come over so I can cry on their shoulder for a bit. But there is no significant other, and all my friends live elsewhere. So here I am on LJ having a pity party. Woe.
Any advice or encouragement or hugs would be greatly appreciated.
I decided several months ago that I was going to move to Chicago at the end of May 2006, when the lease on my current apartment expires. I've been living in Nashville for the past 4 years, but don't like it very much, and I'm ready to move on. My parents, who are also in Nashville, are less than thrilled with this. Apart from my time in college, I've never lived away from home in my life, and they're having trouble letting go, yadda yadda. This resulted in my mother saying some very hurtful things to me today about how I was making a bad decision and I wouldn't be able to find employment up there and it's too soon for me to move away and what could I possibly be thinking. Doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but I am very close to my parents and their opinion means a great deal to me, so when they are unsupportive of something I do, it really brings me down and messes with my head.
So, why do I want to move, anyway? Why Chicago, and why not Nashville? I ... don't really know that I can explain it. The not-Nashville part is easier: I'm not too fond of the South anymore, and this place doesn't feel like home to me. Apart from my parents, I don't have any real friends here, and I'm just sick to death of being lonely. Yeah, I know I could try to meet people here, but I feel like ... like this isn't where I'm supposed to be. Like every new day in this city is a day spent putting my life on hold, because the life that I'm supposed to be living is waiting for me somewhere else. The bottom line is that I'm just not happy here. (Also, I attended grad school at Vandy for two years and was really REALLY not happy there, and every time I drive through downtown it's a nasty reminder of that era, so I'd like to get away from that.)
As for "why Chicago in particular"? *shrugs* Dunno. Possibly because it's a big city (which is what I want) but not too big; it's up North in a blue state but still close enough to easily visit friends and family down South; I actually know people there (*waves to tzikeh and merryish and vagabondage andf1renze, and renenet who is close by*) so I wouldn't be totally alone; and every time I've visited this city I've absolutely loved it. That's pretty much it. Not the best reasons in the world, I know, but I gotta go somewhere, and right now Chicago's in the lead.
The problem is my current job. It's wonderful. And I feel like a moron for being so willing to up and leave it in 7 months when I have no clue if I can find something just as good (or anything at all, really) in Chicago. (I work in programming and web development, BTW.) But I'd rather have a crappy job and live in a place that feels like home, than have a wonderful job here. Yeah, good employment is nice, but it's not the most important thing to me. A job is a job. The best and most fulfilling parts of my life start when I come home. :) My parents don't get that. They're from a completely different generation where job security is the #1 priority in your life, and you do absolutely anything to hang on to it. They both stayed at the same job in the same small dinky city for 25 years, and they only moved to Nashville because my Dad got transferred there. So they think that my decision to quit in May so I can move is utterly ridiculous. And hell, maybe they're right. I dunno.
Anyway, their general negativity is making me all stressed out about this, and now I'm doubting myself. Am I stupid for wanting to give up a very good job with an excellent salary, excellent benefits, and an excellent boss & coworkers in order to pursue some nebulous dream of big-city life that I don't even know I'll like? My rationale is that I'm 26 and single; if I want to travel around the country and try new places and new things, I should do it now. Or maybe that's stupid; maybe now is the time when I should be building up a stable employment history so that I can have a greater chance at successfully relocating later. And how soon do I need to start looking for a job up there? What about an apartment? I just ... I really really want to do this, but I don't know how to go about it, and I've never done anything this big on my own before and it's freaking me out. Normally I would turn to my parents for help, but, you know. The more discouragement I hear from them, the more I feel like a fool for thinking I could ever pull this off. I've been mulling this over all evening and it keeps getting worse and worse in my head and now I'm just miserable.
What I really really want right now is to call up a close friend or significant other and have them come over so I can cry on their shoulder for a bit. But there is no significant other, and all my friends live elsewhere. So here I am on LJ having a pity party. Woe.
Any advice or encouragement or hugs would be greatly appreciated.