And the beat goes on...
Hey,
It’s all so strange and mysterious and wonderful… sorta.
I’ll explain, but lemme write a tiny update. I filled out my passport application today to go to Pakistan this summer. We’re leaving after school gets out for my lil sis and bros and won’t come back til I have to go back to MIT. When I get back near the end of May, I’ll be busy shopping and getting things prepared to go. It’s kinda exciting, I haven’t been there in nine years. I talked to my cousin Rashida on the phone the other day and I hadn’t spoken to her in years so it was weird, I didn’t know what to say to her. Just by hearing me speak they can tell that I’m SO American. But I don’t forsee any awkwardness: for some reason, it feels as if its gonna be very nice to see my family again. Get to know myself all over again as it is. And this makes me so incredibly self-conscious… I feel like I have to be gorgeous when I go. Since I’m so much older and I’m an adult now, they’ll wanna see how I turned out. Besides, it’ll calm my grandmothers’ nerves to know that I’m fit and “ripe” for marriage. Hahaha. And yes, I’m avoiding that at all costs. Frickin Operation: Avoid Engagement. But lets forget about that, I just want to present myself as a charming, respectable, young woman. You know, make them proud at how I turned out. They were just worried about us being raised in the US. But anyway that’s in 5 months.
In a few days I’ll be going back to MIT to start my wonderful second semester. MIT, what a place. I’ve never been in such an intellectual place in my life. It’s so incredibly awe-inspiring. Today I was making my mental list of things I needed to pack to go back, and I looked at the Einstein shirt I bought for whoever wanted it: it’s a beautiful shirt of galaxies, starts, moons, and other celestial entities, all shaped in the form of Einstein’s face. And on the shirt, there’s a quote that says “one feels as if one is dissolved and merged into nature.” The heavens are beautiful aren’t they? The sun’s intense glare, the blue beauty that is Earth, the streaking splash of stars that is the Milky Way. It’s as if someone took a handful of stars, and just threw them up against a black wall, streaked it silver, and spray-painted it with diamonds. Absolutely amazing. The universe with its endless beauties that earth has never seen, that we could never imagine. Infinite. Can you imagine infinite? People think you can’t, cause its well, infinity. But equally as beautiful as the universe, and I believe equally as infinite… is the human mind. Yes there are stupid people in the world, and people do horrendous and outrageous things, all products of their mind, but I believe it’s their lack of using their brains that makes them do this. It’s so incredibly easy to not use your head. And frankly, if you haven’t trained your brain, it’s gonna become hard for you. I believe the brain does rot when it isn’t fed, and I’ve always thought of it as a muscle (a muscle which MIT intends to stretch farther than thought possible). If you don’t use it regularly, you won’t be able to find answer when you need it the most.
I must admit though, that it’s hard. I still haven’t quite figured it out. I do believe that among my circle of friends at MIT, I am the least intelligent, and it really hurts to know that there are some things that you cannot figure out no matter how much you study. Worse is to know that everything can be figured out at some point, making it so much more disillusioning when you can’t figure it out. I want to learn so many things, not just things I am required to learn, like math and science, but I want to learn about philosophy, and art, and history, and music. The whole purpose of this is to learn what generations of thinking humans have already figured out, in their lifetimes of questioning, so you can find your answers from them while simultaneously discovering them yourself. It’s the same with meeting new people. Every new person you meet will teach you something. Some people talk about meeting great people, people who have accomplished much in little time, pianists and writers and scientists, but anyone who is alive right now, has an interesting story to tell, knows something you don’t, has had an experience you haven’t had, has felt things you didn’t know existed, thinks thoughts you never thought to think about. I love talking to people.
You know what though; lately I’ve been feeling this weird kind of loneliness. It’s one of those growing up kinda phases I think, where it feels like life is too fast paced now, and you’ve gotta hurry up and live it. And that’s not the part that should make you lonely, it’s the fact that everyone around you is busy leading their lives. It just feels as if nobody’s life is connected to anyone else’s anymore, and no one will experience what you do (obviously not true but still feels that way). Maybe I just feel this way cause school hasn’t started for me yet and I’m doing very minor things, totally not using my brain all (except to read) while everyone else is LIVING.
It’s strange though, because I realized last semester that I didn’t have as strong a command over my mind that was necessary for me to have at the time, and now I’m like totally obsessed with having the ability to make my mind something exactly WHEN I want it to do something. Really, everyone who is GREAT, all the greats out there, are in my opinion, people who have a strong mastery of their own mind, and don’t let however they might be feeling at the moment interrupt them or divert them from doing what must be done. I admire that so much. Now sometimes these people are not very nice people, even though they do gargantuan things. (Newton wasn’t a very nice person.)
My newest talent I want to acquire is learning how to draw Anime. I love Anime but I can’t draw even if I could move the pen with my mind. And then when I was at prayers, one of my friends Insia, a high school freshman who is one of those accomplished people who loves to share what she knows, not in a show-offy kinda way, but just to show people how cool whatever is. She was drawing Anime people on the whiteboard after prayers so the little kids could have fun drawing mustaches and stuff on them and I was like whoaaa I didn’t know you could do that. And then her lil sis tells me that she couldn’t draw AT ALL and she learned how to do it online! And I’m like what? How? And Insia’s like ‘you wanna know my method? Its see, study, do it.” (Something like that I don’t remember the exact words but they were synonyms). And I was like in awe at how she just forced her mind to teach her how to draw.
I so desperately want to be what I admire.
And I will.
Rashida
It’s all so strange and mysterious and wonderful… sorta.
I’ll explain, but lemme write a tiny update. I filled out my passport application today to go to Pakistan this summer. We’re leaving after school gets out for my lil sis and bros and won’t come back til I have to go back to MIT. When I get back near the end of May, I’ll be busy shopping and getting things prepared to go. It’s kinda exciting, I haven’t been there in nine years. I talked to my cousin Rashida on the phone the other day and I hadn’t spoken to her in years so it was weird, I didn’t know what to say to her. Just by hearing me speak they can tell that I’m SO American. But I don’t forsee any awkwardness: for some reason, it feels as if its gonna be very nice to see my family again. Get to know myself all over again as it is. And this makes me so incredibly self-conscious… I feel like I have to be gorgeous when I go. Since I’m so much older and I’m an adult now, they’ll wanna see how I turned out. Besides, it’ll calm my grandmothers’ nerves to know that I’m fit and “ripe” for marriage. Hahaha. And yes, I’m avoiding that at all costs. Frickin Operation: Avoid Engagement. But lets forget about that, I just want to present myself as a charming, respectable, young woman. You know, make them proud at how I turned out. They were just worried about us being raised in the US. But anyway that’s in 5 months.
In a few days I’ll be going back to MIT to start my wonderful second semester. MIT, what a place. I’ve never been in such an intellectual place in my life. It’s so incredibly awe-inspiring. Today I was making my mental list of things I needed to pack to go back, and I looked at the Einstein shirt I bought for whoever wanted it: it’s a beautiful shirt of galaxies, starts, moons, and other celestial entities, all shaped in the form of Einstein’s face. And on the shirt, there’s a quote that says “one feels as if one is dissolved and merged into nature.” The heavens are beautiful aren’t they? The sun’s intense glare, the blue beauty that is Earth, the streaking splash of stars that is the Milky Way. It’s as if someone took a handful of stars, and just threw them up against a black wall, streaked it silver, and spray-painted it with diamonds. Absolutely amazing. The universe with its endless beauties that earth has never seen, that we could never imagine. Infinite. Can you imagine infinite? People think you can’t, cause its well, infinity. But equally as beautiful as the universe, and I believe equally as infinite… is the human mind. Yes there are stupid people in the world, and people do horrendous and outrageous things, all products of their mind, but I believe it’s their lack of using their brains that makes them do this. It’s so incredibly easy to not use your head. And frankly, if you haven’t trained your brain, it’s gonna become hard for you. I believe the brain does rot when it isn’t fed, and I’ve always thought of it as a muscle (a muscle which MIT intends to stretch farther than thought possible). If you don’t use it regularly, you won’t be able to find answer when you need it the most.
I must admit though, that it’s hard. I still haven’t quite figured it out. I do believe that among my circle of friends at MIT, I am the least intelligent, and it really hurts to know that there are some things that you cannot figure out no matter how much you study. Worse is to know that everything can be figured out at some point, making it so much more disillusioning when you can’t figure it out. I want to learn so many things, not just things I am required to learn, like math and science, but I want to learn about philosophy, and art, and history, and music. The whole purpose of this is to learn what generations of thinking humans have already figured out, in their lifetimes of questioning, so you can find your answers from them while simultaneously discovering them yourself. It’s the same with meeting new people. Every new person you meet will teach you something. Some people talk about meeting great people, people who have accomplished much in little time, pianists and writers and scientists, but anyone who is alive right now, has an interesting story to tell, knows something you don’t, has had an experience you haven’t had, has felt things you didn’t know existed, thinks thoughts you never thought to think about. I love talking to people.
You know what though; lately I’ve been feeling this weird kind of loneliness. It’s one of those growing up kinda phases I think, where it feels like life is too fast paced now, and you’ve gotta hurry up and live it. And that’s not the part that should make you lonely, it’s the fact that everyone around you is busy leading their lives. It just feels as if nobody’s life is connected to anyone else’s anymore, and no one will experience what you do (obviously not true but still feels that way). Maybe I just feel this way cause school hasn’t started for me yet and I’m doing very minor things, totally not using my brain all (except to read) while everyone else is LIVING.
It’s strange though, because I realized last semester that I didn’t have as strong a command over my mind that was necessary for me to have at the time, and now I’m like totally obsessed with having the ability to make my mind something exactly WHEN I want it to do something. Really, everyone who is GREAT, all the greats out there, are in my opinion, people who have a strong mastery of their own mind, and don’t let however they might be feeling at the moment interrupt them or divert them from doing what must be done. I admire that so much. Now sometimes these people are not very nice people, even though they do gargantuan things. (Newton wasn’t a very nice person.)
My newest talent I want to acquire is learning how to draw Anime. I love Anime but I can’t draw even if I could move the pen with my mind. And then when I was at prayers, one of my friends Insia, a high school freshman who is one of those accomplished people who loves to share what she knows, not in a show-offy kinda way, but just to show people how cool whatever is. She was drawing Anime people on the whiteboard after prayers so the little kids could have fun drawing mustaches and stuff on them and I was like whoaaa I didn’t know you could do that. And then her lil sis tells me that she couldn’t draw AT ALL and she learned how to do it online! And I’m like what? How? And Insia’s like ‘you wanna know my method? Its see, study, do it.” (Something like that I don’t remember the exact words but they were synonyms). And I was like in awe at how she just forced her mind to teach her how to draw.
I so desperately want to be what I admire.
And I will.
Rashida