You float like a feather, and a beautiful one.
I talked to Ellen tonight. She said she was coming back to school in January. We talked about how she was feeling how she's doing now. She said she got to swallow food for the first time in four weeks the other day. She said she was still kind of whispery. Then we talked about how lucky we all are that she is alive and how much we've all missed her. I told her nothing much went on since she was gone, other than Tasha moving, but she's coming back so she didn't miss anything. She just laughed. She said she didn't remember much from the hospital, she didn't remember me being there and she kind of remembers Lorna being there. Lorna was there atleast once a week where I only went two or three times.
Sarah's not going to Sean tomorrow. I'm kind of worried that I'm not going to know anybody there other than Sean and Jason. I really hope Jordan goes because I need some one to talk to and hopefully he'll stay awake for a little while. It's an omen, I am not meant to go to that party even though I want to so bad I can feel my heart beating like a hundred miles an hour just thinking about it. Now it's here and I don't have anything to wait for anymore. It's too close and in about 15 and a half hours I'll be calling Jason to see when he's going to pick me up. I'm excited, but at the same time I think I'm going to be mad at myself for going. It's eating me from the inside, I am psychologically drving myself to insanity. There's no way out of it, doesn't matter what it is I always find a way to stress myself out to the point I want to jerk my own hair out. If it's getting a project for school done, going to a party, fixing my hair, or reading a book I have to constantly drive myself to the point of no return. I drive myself to complete insantiy just to see how long I can take it with out screaming and falling apart.
I'm so tired of school right now, I want to quit so bad. I know that's not going to happen and we both know I'm not that stupid. Do you honestly think I would just go and quit school? If you do then you're a complete idiot. I have to do that physics paper, my chemistry project, practice for all region, my physics chain reaction thing, and do my other homework in Geometry and stuff. I feel like I've fallen so far behind I'll never be able to catch up. Like I've fallen into a whole that I'm not going to get out of until I get past all this work by getting zeros and starting over. I don't even want to try out for all region right now, I don't feel like looking over that stupid music. I dont' feel like going in there and embarrassing myself by sight reading some bullshit that I'll just make up.
I hope everyone is feeling better than I am at this point in time. Maybe things will be better tomorrow. I doubt it.
love always,
chelsea
Sarah's not going to Sean tomorrow. I'm kind of worried that I'm not going to know anybody there other than Sean and Jason. I really hope Jordan goes because I need some one to talk to and hopefully he'll stay awake for a little while. It's an omen, I am not meant to go to that party even though I want to so bad I can feel my heart beating like a hundred miles an hour just thinking about it. Now it's here and I don't have anything to wait for anymore. It's too close and in about 15 and a half hours I'll be calling Jason to see when he's going to pick me up. I'm excited, but at the same time I think I'm going to be mad at myself for going. It's eating me from the inside, I am psychologically drving myself to insanity. There's no way out of it, doesn't matter what it is I always find a way to stress myself out to the point I want to jerk my own hair out. If it's getting a project for school done, going to a party, fixing my hair, or reading a book I have to constantly drive myself to the point of no return. I drive myself to complete insantiy just to see how long I can take it with out screaming and falling apart.
I'm so tired of school right now, I want to quit so bad. I know that's not going to happen and we both know I'm not that stupid. Do you honestly think I would just go and quit school? If you do then you're a complete idiot. I have to do that physics paper, my chemistry project, practice for all region, my physics chain reaction thing, and do my other homework in Geometry and stuff. I feel like I've fallen so far behind I'll never be able to catch up. Like I've fallen into a whole that I'm not going to get out of until I get past all this work by getting zeros and starting over. I don't even want to try out for all region right now, I don't feel like looking over that stupid music. I dont' feel like going in there and embarrassing myself by sight reading some bullshit that I'll just make up.
I hope everyone is feeling better than I am at this point in time. Maybe things will be better tomorrow. I doubt it.
love always,
chelsea