old writing
i found an old email...thought it was interesting. it's from dec 10 of last year...hah. some things really dont ever change...
i dont know how much i'll get written seeing as i don't feel up to par right now, but i've had more time on my hands than i'd like lately...seeing as i've been in bed for a few days now. anyhow, i was thinking about you and wanted to clear my heart one last time, the way i should have done it that night i cried and we got into a fight. the following is what should have been said and what i meant to say.
as i'm sure you know, the time we were together were the best i could have asked for even with the fighting. you found a place in my heart that no other person could ever fill if they chose to or not. from you i have learned lessons i could not have been taught elsewhere. in the end, you taught me that you wont get anywhere in life unless you find your own happiness first. this is my time to truly find myself for once and to finally have fun. it's time to take chances, step outside my comfort zone. i've done more of that in the past four months than i think i've done in my life. i have had to overcome so many obstacles in such a short time than i thought i was capable of. i have found strength in me i never knew i had. part of this i thank you for. you gave me the hardest reality check possible. it took losing you to find myself. and in the end, i'm thankful for it. i'm finally learning what is good and bad, what i do and dont want, and i'm finding my own happiness. i'm finding that i can take on anything that comes my way. i'm starting to believe that i'm a strong person. wow, whoever thought i'd finally get there? not me! i'm actually starting to believe in myself. things have gotten harder day by day....but i'm holding onto faith that i'll get through and i'm just taking it one day at a time. there is enough drama around here right now to last a lifetime...but it's okay, i know God is going to get us all through it and we're all going to be stronger from it. i learned i compromised on some of my dreams to have you, things i dont regret but wish i'd thought about it again...only realizing if i hadn't chose what i did, i wouldnt be who i am today, and i'm starting to like who i am today. thank you for your faith in me and for believing in me. you gave me hope when i didn't see it myself. you gave me unconditional love when i needed it the most, when i couldnt see a way up. you helped me survive some of the roughest spots in my life. you were always there when i needed someone the most. you treated me like a queen, you didnt' degrade me or try to make me feel worthless. thank you. you were the best i could have asked for and i want you to know, i am and always will be incredibly thankful for that. you gave me more than i could have asked for. you were a gift from God, i think you were an angel sent to me from Him. you helped me survive. i know part of me will always love you, my high school sweetheart, my first love...and i want you to know that. i hold no anger towards you, not an ounce of hate. i want to fully let go of you and remember what we had and that it was wonderful. i have some of the best possible memories with you. thank you for allowing me to become part of your family. i never thought i'd grow to love your family as much as i did, you allowed me to love them and to become close to your family. thank you for allowing me to do so. you are blessed with a wonderful family and people that truly care about you...thank you for allowing me to get to know them. you will always have a piece of my heart and i will always be here if you need anything no matter how big or small....if nothing else, i still consider you a friend, hopefully one day a close friend...it just takes time. but no matter what, i'll always be here for you...i love you just like i love my girls.....i better run now...i need to get some sleep, the flu has taken over my body and i have a final tomorrow. have a great week..take care of yourself and keep yourself safe and warm!!!
it's time to say goodbye to my love and hello to my friend....i hope one day we'll learn to become close friends again...only time will tell....
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countdown to buffett is on!!!
i dont know how much i'll get written seeing as i don't feel up to par right now, but i've had more time on my hands than i'd like lately...seeing as i've been in bed for a few days now. anyhow, i was thinking about you and wanted to clear my heart one last time, the way i should have done it that night i cried and we got into a fight. the following is what should have been said and what i meant to say.
as i'm sure you know, the time we were together were the best i could have asked for even with the fighting. you found a place in my heart that no other person could ever fill if they chose to or not. from you i have learned lessons i could not have been taught elsewhere. in the end, you taught me that you wont get anywhere in life unless you find your own happiness first. this is my time to truly find myself for once and to finally have fun. it's time to take chances, step outside my comfort zone. i've done more of that in the past four months than i think i've done in my life. i have had to overcome so many obstacles in such a short time than i thought i was capable of. i have found strength in me i never knew i had. part of this i thank you for. you gave me the hardest reality check possible. it took losing you to find myself. and in the end, i'm thankful for it. i'm finally learning what is good and bad, what i do and dont want, and i'm finding my own happiness. i'm finding that i can take on anything that comes my way. i'm starting to believe that i'm a strong person. wow, whoever thought i'd finally get there? not me! i'm actually starting to believe in myself. things have gotten harder day by day....but i'm holding onto faith that i'll get through and i'm just taking it one day at a time. there is enough drama around here right now to last a lifetime...but it's okay, i know God is going to get us all through it and we're all going to be stronger from it. i learned i compromised on some of my dreams to have you, things i dont regret but wish i'd thought about it again...only realizing if i hadn't chose what i did, i wouldnt be who i am today, and i'm starting to like who i am today. thank you for your faith in me and for believing in me. you gave me hope when i didn't see it myself. you gave me unconditional love when i needed it the most, when i couldnt see a way up. you helped me survive some of the roughest spots in my life. you were always there when i needed someone the most. you treated me like a queen, you didnt' degrade me or try to make me feel worthless. thank you. you were the best i could have asked for and i want you to know, i am and always will be incredibly thankful for that. you gave me more than i could have asked for. you were a gift from God, i think you were an angel sent to me from Him. you helped me survive. i know part of me will always love you, my high school sweetheart, my first love...and i want you to know that. i hold no anger towards you, not an ounce of hate. i want to fully let go of you and remember what we had and that it was wonderful. i have some of the best possible memories with you. thank you for allowing me to become part of your family. i never thought i'd grow to love your family as much as i did, you allowed me to love them and to become close to your family. thank you for allowing me to do so. you are blessed with a wonderful family and people that truly care about you...thank you for allowing me to get to know them. you will always have a piece of my heart and i will always be here if you need anything no matter how big or small....if nothing else, i still consider you a friend, hopefully one day a close friend...it just takes time. but no matter what, i'll always be here for you...i love you just like i love my girls.....i better run now...i need to get some sleep, the flu has taken over my body and i have a final tomorrow. have a great week..take care of yourself and keep yourself safe and warm!!!
it's time to say goodbye to my love and hello to my friend....i hope one day we'll learn to become close friends again...only time will tell....
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countdown to buffett is on!!!