venting...
i downloaded the new sister hazel cd. that's exciting.
i heard a quote tonite on t.v. that i liked, at some point life has to end but love never has to.
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever quit loving him. i know at this point i have no choice but to move on. i feel so betrayed and decieved...almost cheated. cheated out of a future i still saw. dreams i thought would really come true....yet some dreams are just too good to be true and that was one. i felt secure in what he and i would have one day. i was only fooling myself. i want to runaway and find myself and then return. that wont happen. i just wish i could get away from everything and put myself back together. just when i start to think i have the pieces put together life knocks me right back to the beginning. yet, i keep on trucking because i know there is more. i just dont know how to find it. i look into things far too deeply and take things so seriously. i always have but lately it's really gotten to me. there are so many things that get me down and remind me of him. then again, there have always been so many things that reminded me of him....but it was ok when they did. now, it just upsets me because i've learned the hard way that, well....its not ok anymore. tooo much damage has been done and this just really solidified it. man, i wish i could just call him and ask him for an explanation but at the same time...maybe i'm better off just simply not knowing. there are so many questions i have but then again...i dont know that i want to know the answers to them. i just find it hard to believe that you can tell someone that you're in love with them and then turn around and be dating someone else. is he really that bad at being alone? he's fed me so much shit about how he doesnt want a relationship and each time turns around and dates someone. always because they're so much closer. as if it's really my fault i didnt chose his school. right, as if i'd have ever done that. i just want him out of my head and out of my life. right...keep dreaming. i'm exhausted and i have class in the morning. but as long as i get through tomorrow..it's all downhill from there. tuesday is the big concert! then wed-sat is the big trip up north!!! sat afternoon is shopping with the 'rents. i'm stoked! just gotta get through the next 24 hours and the fun will begin!
i'm really not always this pathetic. each entry is my way of relieving stress. goodness, i know i have enough of it right now. he doesnt help it any. laugh, i do have fun in life! i just vent so much in this. it's my escape from reality, even if it only lasts a few minutes.
here's to you and to something new.
i heard a quote tonite on t.v. that i liked, at some point life has to end but love never has to.
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever quit loving him. i know at this point i have no choice but to move on. i feel so betrayed and decieved...almost cheated. cheated out of a future i still saw. dreams i thought would really come true....yet some dreams are just too good to be true and that was one. i felt secure in what he and i would have one day. i was only fooling myself. i want to runaway and find myself and then return. that wont happen. i just wish i could get away from everything and put myself back together. just when i start to think i have the pieces put together life knocks me right back to the beginning. yet, i keep on trucking because i know there is more. i just dont know how to find it. i look into things far too deeply and take things so seriously. i always have but lately it's really gotten to me. there are so many things that get me down and remind me of him. then again, there have always been so many things that reminded me of him....but it was ok when they did. now, it just upsets me because i've learned the hard way that, well....its not ok anymore. tooo much damage has been done and this just really solidified it. man, i wish i could just call him and ask him for an explanation but at the same time...maybe i'm better off just simply not knowing. there are so many questions i have but then again...i dont know that i want to know the answers to them. i just find it hard to believe that you can tell someone that you're in love with them and then turn around and be dating someone else. is he really that bad at being alone? he's fed me so much shit about how he doesnt want a relationship and each time turns around and dates someone. always because they're so much closer. as if it's really my fault i didnt chose his school. right, as if i'd have ever done that. i just want him out of my head and out of my life. right...keep dreaming. i'm exhausted and i have class in the morning. but as long as i get through tomorrow..it's all downhill from there. tuesday is the big concert! then wed-sat is the big trip up north!!! sat afternoon is shopping with the 'rents. i'm stoked! just gotta get through the next 24 hours and the fun will begin!
i'm really not always this pathetic. each entry is my way of relieving stress. goodness, i know i have enough of it right now. he doesnt help it any. laugh, i do have fun in life! i just vent so much in this. it's my escape from reality, even if it only lasts a few minutes.
here's to you and to something new.