(no subject)
I sometimes wonder how this all happened... and why. I tend to try and over-analyze things to get to some sort of logic and reason behind everything. Maybe there isn't a particular reason yet. Maybe, it was to learn that I can be happy again. Maybe, it was to learn about myself and how I deal with relationships. Maybe, just maybe, it was to prove that whatever I went through last was a sign... a sign that I wasn't happy. But for some reason I fought that. I tore myself apart trying to figure out what I wanted... and it always ended up the same. I always did what I did. But I've learned... I learned some valuable lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
I can't justify what I did in the last year. I can't say I was right in any of it, because I wasn't. It wasn't until the last time during the school year that I realized that there was much more out there. And despite the craziness of it all and the high emotions and what not, I've gotten to where I am with all the people I want to and need to be with right now... and I can honestly say that I am getting better again... I'm becoming happier and more content with everything.
I needed support. I needed someone who understands my schedule and what it entails entirely. I needed someone who would let me do my own thing and be okay with it. I like where I am right now... I'm more independent than I have ever been but I still have someone there for everything. I have someone who thus far has not even really blinked at the things I have told him... things that I don't normally tell someone in the first month of dating them. For some reason, I am very comfortable with him, and it's a nice feeling. He listens when I talk. Really listens. And he actually processes the things I say. And even though I don't make sense half of the time, I feel like he can make sense of it and actually tries to do so.
He means so much to me. Really. And I didn't think it was possible for that to happen so quickly. I find myself constantly thinking about him. And somehow I always manage to work something about him into almost every conversation even if it's just something almost meaningless.
Well, rehearsal is almost over now. I'm sure I'll write again tomorrow. ha.
I can't justify what I did in the last year. I can't say I was right in any of it, because I wasn't. It wasn't until the last time during the school year that I realized that there was much more out there. And despite the craziness of it all and the high emotions and what not, I've gotten to where I am with all the people I want to and need to be with right now... and I can honestly say that I am getting better again... I'm becoming happier and more content with everything.
I needed support. I needed someone who understands my schedule and what it entails entirely. I needed someone who would let me do my own thing and be okay with it. I like where I am right now... I'm more independent than I have ever been but I still have someone there for everything. I have someone who thus far has not even really blinked at the things I have told him... things that I don't normally tell someone in the first month of dating them. For some reason, I am very comfortable with him, and it's a nice feeling. He listens when I talk. Really listens. And he actually processes the things I say. And even though I don't make sense half of the time, I feel like he can make sense of it and actually tries to do so.
He means so much to me. Really. And I didn't think it was possible for that to happen so quickly. I find myself constantly thinking about him. And somehow I always manage to work something about him into almost every conversation even if it's just something almost meaningless.
Well, rehearsal is almost over now. I'm sure I'll write again tomorrow. ha.