(no subject)
Everyone's life is important, right? To them at least. Everything affects you, how you'll react, what you'll do. Everyone else around you is just that - people around you. But change to their perspective and only what they are doing is important to them, and you are just someone passing by.
I figure that I don't really know anyone's intentions, and that no one really knows mine. People think they know stuff about you, but how many people REALLY know you? People have said stuff about me, questioned things, wondered... I thought these things were apparent, I thought the things I loved were evident. But the people's questions about these things makes it obvious that it is not apparent.
I guess you can never assume that people will understand what you're doing. I hate the feeling of having to prove something.
I've been questioned if I ever liked playing music. This is really confusing to me, because that's all I've ever done. I'm not sure why people would think I didn't like it - I guess because I took it really seriously? For so long, that was plan, my escape, my ticket out. And I wasn't going to let anything get in the way. Maybe I don't express myself outwardly like other people do. I don't know. I think it just made me sad.
There's so many personal feelings and insecurities that were all wrapped up in performing and writing music. To me, I became very vulnerable doing that. And that was hard for me. Maybe that's why people assumed I didn't like or enjoy it - it wasn't just a part-time thing for me, it was THE PLAN.
When things wouldn't work, it was so heart-breaking, like I was letting the dream go away. Those people were my very best friends, and we were growing up and getting married, moving, getting "real" jobs, having families and everything else, all while trying to fit into this group of people that we would never really fit in to.
It seemed like if we took it less seriously, we would have fit in better, or would have kept it together.
I don't know.
I'm not sad, I have just been thinking about this.
Music is in my blood. I am determined, and when I want to do something, I'm sort of like a steam-roller. Don't think that means I don't enjoy it though. Even though it makes me the most uncomfortable, getting past that, getting over that, and staring the insecurities in the face is what makes it a wonderful challenge.
So off we start with another plan, another band, another dream. We'll see...
I figure that I don't really know anyone's intentions, and that no one really knows mine. People think they know stuff about you, but how many people REALLY know you? People have said stuff about me, questioned things, wondered... I thought these things were apparent, I thought the things I loved were evident. But the people's questions about these things makes it obvious that it is not apparent.
I guess you can never assume that people will understand what you're doing. I hate the feeling of having to prove something.
I've been questioned if I ever liked playing music. This is really confusing to me, because that's all I've ever done. I'm not sure why people would think I didn't like it - I guess because I took it really seriously? For so long, that was plan, my escape, my ticket out. And I wasn't going to let anything get in the way. Maybe I don't express myself outwardly like other people do. I don't know. I think it just made me sad.
There's so many personal feelings and insecurities that were all wrapped up in performing and writing music. To me, I became very vulnerable doing that. And that was hard for me. Maybe that's why people assumed I didn't like or enjoy it - it wasn't just a part-time thing for me, it was THE PLAN.
When things wouldn't work, it was so heart-breaking, like I was letting the dream go away. Those people were my very best friends, and we were growing up and getting married, moving, getting "real" jobs, having families and everything else, all while trying to fit into this group of people that we would never really fit in to.
It seemed like if we took it less seriously, we would have fit in better, or would have kept it together.
I don't know.
I'm not sad, I have just been thinking about this.
Music is in my blood. I am determined, and when I want to do something, I'm sort of like a steam-roller. Don't think that means I don't enjoy it though. Even though it makes me the most uncomfortable, getting past that, getting over that, and staring the insecurities in the face is what makes it a wonderful challenge.
So off we start with another plan, another band, another dream. We'll see...