i'm just a girl in the world, that all that you'll let me be...

[pinkjoyfulgirl]

So check this out... i'm hanging out with chuy, we werre watching tv and i got really sleepy so i turned my back to him to close my eyes.  i started thinking about stupid dj and how he had changed his profile picture on facebook.  i like, got so sad that i wanted to cry.  i mean, forget that fact that i had taken that picture on my birthday and that at that time i was so happy with him, but he changed it to some picture of him singing or something... that reminded me of how he just left me and me still not know exactly why, which then made me think that he really just wants to focus on his carreer and truly just does not care about me.  i was so despondant.  i didn't move, i laid there and i was like "chuy, hug me"  he fucking jumped and pulled me close to hiim. i mean, my back was still towards him.  so with one arm he reaches around me, pulls me towards him and whispers in my ear "te quiero"  and started kissing my cheek.  at that moment the pain in my heart went away.  WTF? um yeah. i really like him, but i don't want to hurt him.  i just don't want a relationship.  i don't want it! i can't fucking deal with it you know?  he gets sooooooooo jelouse too.  like omg!  it's so funny.  if i go out clubbing or with friends he's like, don't dance with guys, don't give your number out blah blah blah... but he says he doesn't like to be controlled... right.  plus, he's so young and that's another reason why i'm so weary about his feelings.  i mean, you know how young guys are, they like fall quick and fast and i really really really don't want to hurt him.  he's so fucking sweet but i wanna date lots of guys and have lots of fun.  i do admit that if i go one day without seeing him, i'm like, I MISS YOU.  HAHA, we often go two or three days without seeing eachother though.  ok ok, enough about chuy.  ah! he's so cute!

so, i'm supposed to go to this fasion show today.  its supposed to be oober fab. i'm looking forward to it, but i don't know what to wear.  dj just callled me.  i ignored his call.  i can't really deal with him right now.  besides, he probably just wanted to like bug me about getting my shit out.  our anniversary was sometime either today or yesterday or tomorrow.  i'm just so hurt by how he left.  so fucking hurt.  he wanted to give me a ticket that was expiring and wanted to know if i got my stuff.  um yeah, told you.  i still love him journal.  i fucking still love him.  :( well, i just got off the phone with arahi and she's gonna come up and visit me for next weekend!  woooohhhhooooooooohooo! party mutha fuckas! haha.  ok, i gots to go and get ready for work now.  peace out.