(no subject)
I leave in six days for England.
I have been looking forward to this for so long, and yet now with everything going on I am having a hard time being excited.
My mom is in the mental hospital AGAIN. I realize this happens every 5 or 6 years but I still was not prepared for it.
When I got into my bad car accident 3 weeks ago I worried it was a sign I should not go on my study abroad trip.
Now that my mom is in the hospital I am worried yet again it is a sign I should not go on my study abroad trip.
However, I need to look at this rationally, which is why I chose to post an entry about it and hoefully sort my thoughts.
I need to remember that part of the reason my mom is in the hospital is probably my car accident and the fact that I AM going to England. My parents have a hard time with me going abroad; they act supportive but also let their reservations be known in an underhanded way. It has always bugged me as well as given me a slight sense of guilt at "leaving them", which is ridiculous.
So...I can stop viewing that as a "sign".
My car accident. I remember thinking "I'm going to die" and then when I got out of the car and looked at it, comepletely destroyed, a few of my first thoughts were "What's going to happen about England??!?!" and also "I worry so much about plane crashes and never worried about a car crash, and look at which one happened to me! It just goes to show we worry about the wrong things."
So...I can see the car accident as a way to show me that my irrational flying fears are out of proporation to the danger of every day living. Also, I no longer have a car, but will thankfully not need one the next 4 months in England, so this was an "ideal" time for my to wreck my car.
And, of course, I can remind myself that alot of things that I have worried about incessantly have never come to pass.
I seem to worry over every trip I take back and forth between Europe and here. There have been many I have wanted to cancel, but, thankfully, never did.
I worried about my heart for years and then had every test in the book and just needed to learn to move on and let it go. This when I was completely and utterly convinced something was wrong.
I tend to be an obsessive sort of person. When I am channeling my, what I like to call, passionate nature, into something like Harry Potter I don't dwell so much on my anxiety. That's why it is so good to have a hobby!
I finished work last Wednesday to give myself a week and a bit to get ready for my trip abroad but obviously I didn't need that much time off from work because the lack of preoccupation has lead to my mind getting the best of me.
I do feel better now, and I do think typing my thoughts down and organizing them as such has helped to put things in perspective.
I have been looking forward to this for so long, and yet now with everything going on I am having a hard time being excited.
My mom is in the mental hospital AGAIN. I realize this happens every 5 or 6 years but I still was not prepared for it.
When I got into my bad car accident 3 weeks ago I worried it was a sign I should not go on my study abroad trip.
Now that my mom is in the hospital I am worried yet again it is a sign I should not go on my study abroad trip.
However, I need to look at this rationally, which is why I chose to post an entry about it and hoefully sort my thoughts.
I need to remember that part of the reason my mom is in the hospital is probably my car accident and the fact that I AM going to England. My parents have a hard time with me going abroad; they act supportive but also let their reservations be known in an underhanded way. It has always bugged me as well as given me a slight sense of guilt at "leaving them", which is ridiculous.
So...I can stop viewing that as a "sign".
My car accident. I remember thinking "I'm going to die" and then when I got out of the car and looked at it, comepletely destroyed, a few of my first thoughts were "What's going to happen about England??!?!" and also "I worry so much about plane crashes and never worried about a car crash, and look at which one happened to me! It just goes to show we worry about the wrong things."
So...I can see the car accident as a way to show me that my irrational flying fears are out of proporation to the danger of every day living. Also, I no longer have a car, but will thankfully not need one the next 4 months in England, so this was an "ideal" time for my to wreck my car.
And, of course, I can remind myself that alot of things that I have worried about incessantly have never come to pass.
I seem to worry over every trip I take back and forth between Europe and here. There have been many I have wanted to cancel, but, thankfully, never did.
I worried about my heart for years and then had every test in the book and just needed to learn to move on and let it go. This when I was completely and utterly convinced something was wrong.
I tend to be an obsessive sort of person. When I am channeling my, what I like to call, passionate nature, into something like Harry Potter I don't dwell so much on my anxiety. That's why it is so good to have a hobby!
I finished work last Wednesday to give myself a week and a bit to get ready for my trip abroad but obviously I didn't need that much time off from work because the lack of preoccupation has lead to my mind getting the best of me.
I do feel better now, and I do think typing my thoughts down and organizing them as such has helped to put things in perspective.