(no subject)

[pinkie_minkie]

i want to die again. there's something inside me eating away at my very being... it's in the center of my chest lingering devouring everything that i am. everything is grey and spinning around me. people walk by and they don't care... how could they? they don't understand. no one can understand. not like this... it's not right. something is going wrong and i'm so sorry i can't be strong anymore i can't. i'm so tired of doing the things i'm supposed to... i'm tired of surviving. i'm tired of waiting for someone to help me like i help others i'm tired of waiting for someone to love me like i loved him or him... or anyone. i'm tired of fighting for a life i don't want... why? why does everything i have have to go to shit... why can't anyone see me? why don't i matter anymore? what is it about me that makes people want to hurt me? what did i do...

i can't be here anymore.. i've been avoiding it for so fucking long. up and down up and down i'm so TIRED OF THIS SHIT! i'm tired of this fucking black box just sitting waiting for me to enter it and get trapped again... i don't want to be here. i hate this blackness. it's wrong... something is so fucking wrong. i can't possibly understand what i did to deserve this place.. this horrible horrible place. i'm so tired of caring... i'm not even sure i have the strength to fucking kill myself... i hate dana for that... and i love her and miss her but i hate her for that. i hate this life

i don't want it anymore