never in the sun,
THE FIRST NIGHT
our work burnt down. or at least it seemed so. i had seen her around the call centre... beautiful and strange... a friend of a friend said she looked like my ex, but i dont think she did... i couldn't see anything but someone beautiful.. someone almost perfect.. the ideal of what i ever thought beauty could be. she wore a zebra print sweater that sits in my basement as i write this.
she noticed me too. she didn't say anything, not at first. she tried to involve herself in s conversation between me and a mutual friend. i apparently shrugged her off, probably too nervous to say two words to her. she thought i was an asshole. and so began my coercion of jacqueline brum.
we watched each other. we stalked each other. we watched each other from across the subway station... her noticing me noticing her.... i watched her walk down the stairs... never crass enough to be an "ass man"... but the way she moved and the way she curved... how could i not notice?
the fire alarm went off and we gathered outside. she made her move again, engaging in a conversation between myself and a mutual friend. we chatted. went back upstairs... the alarm went off again. and a third time. like the heavens themselves were bringing us together.
he last time we agreed to go to a bar.. they had let us out early... wqe went to a restaurant and talked. we talked about being nerds, about our love of science fiction, about her plans for tattoos. i was smitten but bit my tongue. we made our way to the bar, she flirted, i dismissed assuming no one like her would take interest in me... by the time she had admitted to it among other things, we decided dancing would be the best option. i bit her. she bit me. we drank more.
she had somewhere to be. i, the gentleman, agreed to help her get there. we missed her stop so i got off to walk her there... holding hands, awkward conversation, near silence, we made our way. she met the people she was there to meet... but i wasn't ready for it.
she kissed me.
not hard, not soft. but a kiss that, at risk of sounding cliche, was a kiss for the ages.
... the next day she had stalked me on the internet... we made plans... but thats a story for another time.
INTERLUDE
the vulture circled as i tried desperately to stop the hemorrhaging. but the beast swooped down and plucked out my heart. the desert will bleach my bones and no one will remember our bodies as one. it was here and it was real and then it was gone.
THE LAST NIGHT
she called me to our home. he was just leaving. i desperately hoped all the wway there that there was a shred that could be saved. but she just asked me there because she was worried about me. and rightly so. i was as fucked up as i had ever been, god only knows qhat i might have done. pride firmly swallowed, i begged and pleaded to not let it end. she would have none of it. he was what she wanted now, and who could blame her? i'd failed her over and over. as i always do. call it my gift.
she held me close all night and some of the day. i hadn't slept in more than a day, but i couldn't sleep then. i still haven't. i sat awake for every moment that she slept, trying to imprint forever what her arms around me felt like. it broke me. i didn't want to leave but i couldn't help but feel...but know i would never feel this again.
like a brother and sister whose parent had died, we held each other, cried, and mourned together what was lost.
i laid my head on her chest and listened to the heart that used to beat for me.
our work burnt down. or at least it seemed so. i had seen her around the call centre... beautiful and strange... a friend of a friend said she looked like my ex, but i dont think she did... i couldn't see anything but someone beautiful.. someone almost perfect.. the ideal of what i ever thought beauty could be. she wore a zebra print sweater that sits in my basement as i write this.
she noticed me too. she didn't say anything, not at first. she tried to involve herself in s conversation between me and a mutual friend. i apparently shrugged her off, probably too nervous to say two words to her. she thought i was an asshole. and so began my coercion of jacqueline brum.
we watched each other. we stalked each other. we watched each other from across the subway station... her noticing me noticing her.... i watched her walk down the stairs... never crass enough to be an "ass man"... but the way she moved and the way she curved... how could i not notice?
the fire alarm went off and we gathered outside. she made her move again, engaging in a conversation between myself and a mutual friend. we chatted. went back upstairs... the alarm went off again. and a third time. like the heavens themselves were bringing us together.
he last time we agreed to go to a bar.. they had let us out early... wqe went to a restaurant and talked. we talked about being nerds, about our love of science fiction, about her plans for tattoos. i was smitten but bit my tongue. we made our way to the bar, she flirted, i dismissed assuming no one like her would take interest in me... by the time she had admitted to it among other things, we decided dancing would be the best option. i bit her. she bit me. we drank more.
she had somewhere to be. i, the gentleman, agreed to help her get there. we missed her stop so i got off to walk her there... holding hands, awkward conversation, near silence, we made our way. she met the people she was there to meet... but i wasn't ready for it.
she kissed me.
not hard, not soft. but a kiss that, at risk of sounding cliche, was a kiss for the ages.
... the next day she had stalked me on the internet... we made plans... but thats a story for another time.
INTERLUDE
the vulture circled as i tried desperately to stop the hemorrhaging. but the beast swooped down and plucked out my heart. the desert will bleach my bones and no one will remember our bodies as one. it was here and it was real and then it was gone.
THE LAST NIGHT
she called me to our home. he was just leaving. i desperately hoped all the wway there that there was a shred that could be saved. but she just asked me there because she was worried about me. and rightly so. i was as fucked up as i had ever been, god only knows qhat i might have done. pride firmly swallowed, i begged and pleaded to not let it end. she would have none of it. he was what she wanted now, and who could blame her? i'd failed her over and over. as i always do. call it my gift.
she held me close all night and some of the day. i hadn't slept in more than a day, but i couldn't sleep then. i still haven't. i sat awake for every moment that she slept, trying to imprint forever what her arms around me felt like. it broke me. i didn't want to leave but i couldn't help but feel...but know i would never feel this again.
like a brother and sister whose parent had died, we held each other, cried, and mourned together what was lost.
i laid my head on her chest and listened to the heart that used to beat for me.