I'm having one of those moments...
I'm having one of those nervous breakdowns everyone talks about. In addition to my earlier post, I'm having a hard time dealing with the weight of everything going on around me.
My mother booked our flight to Germany and back, which is good, I'm just busy thinking about all that stuff and needing to book train tickets at the cheapest rate and the fact that even though I told her I wanted to come back and be home by July 31st or August 1st, she has us LEAVING Europe on the 1st. That gives me little to no time to do stuff for Leslie's birthday, little to no time left with my boyfriend, and little to no time before I start work.... provided I am employed by that time. It just leaves no time. I'm not good with no time.
Harley is driving me crazy. He seems to HATE this little white bison frise or whatever that damned white puff ball of a dog is. He SCREAMS at this dog every time it's outside and he embarrasses me and worries me that he would hurt someone or that damn dog. It's very appalling to hear and see.
Graduation and moving out. My room mate has found someone to lease her room and is moving out mid-May. I had really anticipated us moving out at the same time (or me before her - the chick is HER friend). But this chick needs to find a place asap and Alicia is willing to move out before graduation so voila! I have a new room mate. This is not the time for new stuff. This is not the time to learn that this other chick doesn't like dogs and has furniture so we have to move all our shit away. This is not convenient for me, and I'm SELFISH DAMNIT. It needs to be convenient or I'm going to lose my mind. I don't want some stranger living with me the last couple weeks I'm here. This sucks. I want to leave. I want to pack up all my shit and go home and never come back. Looking around, that's damn near an impossibility. I would need like 18 dump trucks to get my crap and garbage out of this room. I can't imagine the kind of undertaking this is going to be.
I have no will power. I don't want to study and I can't think and I can't breathe and mom is asleep so I can't talk to her and Leslie's studying and I don't want to bother her, Mark is working on a project, and he's not really good at the sympathetic thing anyway, and that leaves me here... alone. These things all seem so petty in writing. But I can't handle it. There's so much to do and think about and I'm going crazy. Maybe I'll just go to sleep. Yes... sleep.
My mother booked our flight to Germany and back, which is good, I'm just busy thinking about all that stuff and needing to book train tickets at the cheapest rate and the fact that even though I told her I wanted to come back and be home by July 31st or August 1st, she has us LEAVING Europe on the 1st. That gives me little to no time to do stuff for Leslie's birthday, little to no time left with my boyfriend, and little to no time before I start work.... provided I am employed by that time. It just leaves no time. I'm not good with no time.
Harley is driving me crazy. He seems to HATE this little white bison frise or whatever that damned white puff ball of a dog is. He SCREAMS at this dog every time it's outside and he embarrasses me and worries me that he would hurt someone or that damn dog. It's very appalling to hear and see.
Graduation and moving out. My room mate has found someone to lease her room and is moving out mid-May. I had really anticipated us moving out at the same time (or me before her - the chick is HER friend). But this chick needs to find a place asap and Alicia is willing to move out before graduation so voila! I have a new room mate. This is not the time for new stuff. This is not the time to learn that this other chick doesn't like dogs and has furniture so we have to move all our shit away. This is not convenient for me, and I'm SELFISH DAMNIT. It needs to be convenient or I'm going to lose my mind. I don't want some stranger living with me the last couple weeks I'm here. This sucks. I want to leave. I want to pack up all my shit and go home and never come back. Looking around, that's damn near an impossibility. I would need like 18 dump trucks to get my crap and garbage out of this room. I can't imagine the kind of undertaking this is going to be.
I have no will power. I don't want to study and I can't think and I can't breathe and mom is asleep so I can't talk to her and Leslie's studying and I don't want to bother her, Mark is working on a project, and he's not really good at the sympathetic thing anyway, and that leaves me here... alone. These things all seem so petty in writing. But I can't handle it. There's so much to do and think about and I'm going crazy. Maybe I'll just go to sleep. Yes... sleep.