i could eat you up, i really could
Hello! (hello, hello) is ANYONE OUT THERE? God, it's been five months! This is what happens when you get sucked into the Tumblr portal.
Actually, no. I still keep a real, regularly updated and deeply personal, self-reflection kind of diary. I just don't do it here. Been thinking about how it was so beautiful and raw, and also wholly embarrassing, how open we all were (and sometimes still are) on LJ. How different we all were then, so histrionic and dramatic and prolific and self-centered. Sometimes confident. Sometimes anxious. In an artifice, but still human.
I realize the same thing is happening on Tumblr for some people, mainly teenagers -- just like LJ about 10-12 years ago -- but I don't use Tumblr for that in the slightest. LJ is a different thing, something I can't quite let die, because I feel like I need to claim it forever. It's weird. It's like internet hoarding. That's why I have accounts on everything even if I never use them. Spotify? Yeah I got one of those. But I don't ever stream music because I don't work in an office nor do I ever spend time in a home-office. This right now? This is being typed up on a borrowed laptop sitting on a TV tray in my room. I'm actually somewhat physically uncomfortable typing here, like this, but I'm so motivated to update LiveJournal.
It's time to do the Annual Survey, but I feel like putting it in its own entry.
In this one, I feel like doing a little date-based self-reflection.
On this day seven years ago, I spent my first New Years of legal drinking age at ♥Cam's family party. In that annual tradition, we gorged on fried chicken and hot sauce, cornbread and black-eyed peas, then we re-learned Tonk (drinking game) and I got skunk as a drunk. I could really fuckin' put it away back then, and I had no idea. My tolerance was outrageously high. Fourteen shots? I KNOW that was a real number, because I made a point to count. I can't even get up off the couch after HALF that now. No fucking wonder I never went to bars at that age, I had a very expensive tolerance.
Also, I was gearing up to go to Buffalo with Grace and Erich. It was my first trip to upstate New York, to visit a city that was said to be losing citizens annually. God, such beautiful old buildings, and so many windows barred up. I know it looks like that year-round, but at the time, it looked like such a harsh winter. My favorite part of being up there, besides finally shaking hands with people I've only heard a little about, was eating the local foods with local folks who reminded me that no, not everyone is health-conscious and fusion-obsessed like Los Angeles. My least favorite part was probably the snow AND rain. No, wait, my least favorite part was when my best friend liked it there enough to stay.
Like, I can't get over it sometimes. But I'm a grown-up now, so I have to accept shit like that. Adults respecting other adults' decisions and choices. An' it harm none, do what thou wilt. It's been seven years, after all.
OH MY GOD AND SPEAKING OF WICCAN REDE, COVEN IS MY JAM!!! CANNOT WAIT FOR ITS RETURN NEXT WEEK.
So, we ready to do this Annual Survey thing? I sure am. And lookit that, the 2012 annual survey is STILL on the front-page. The 2011 one would be too, if my layout were still set to 20 entries on the front page instead of 10.
Why do I even bother sometimes, yo?
You know why? Because I still check in with some of you, and it's nice to think that maybe sometimes people check in on me, too. I don't know if it's true, but I still like to think it.