um
See now I cant write what I want to write about Anthony because he is going to read it! I cant type my elaborate plans damn you bastard el Sh0es...
0h well whatta gonna do? I'm still typing whatever I want..I should make this entry friends only..maybe I will. Hmm I have lots on my mind and I'm not sure where to start. One random thought, I was just thinking about that whore and how sometimes I feel she has something that I don't have. I mean he cheated on Colleen with her..then me...even though sexually speaking he knew I was better...and then went behind my back to talk to her and possibly even had her and the other one in his car? I think thats just crazy all that shit..the girl has something i dont have? I mean to go and cheat on 2 GF's with the SAME girl obviously you liked her enough. Especially me one who you supposedly "loved" and cared about.. I dunno just a random thought that I've always felt but never typed...
Second on the list, Weds I am off and so is Ant but do you think he'd maybe wanna spend an extra day with me besides our friday? I thought he would but apparently not. Instead lets hang out with Vinny on Wednesday and "party" whatever that even means. Even though your hanging out with him on Thanksgiving night...Alrite so just friday I suppose is good enough, even that one day is getting to be too much now..
Linda wants me to go to DNA w her and cheryl on Weds night the biggest party of the year. Anthony maybe you'd like to go with me and bring Vinny or something if you guys wanna party? there i just integrated myself into his plans haha.
BEWARE DEPRESSING CONTENT DONT READ IF YOU ARE ALREADY SAD/LOATHE MEN
::sighs:: I dunno why I bother sometimes. It's always when I feel we are really good and he's happy and i'm happy that I get sprung with something I wasnt aware of. I get thrown outta that fantasy world REAL fast and face reality that he doesnt love me as much as I love him ; ( ah how heart breaking is that right? You always want the other person to love you just as much. I mean he does love me tons as much as I love him, but that love he has, he wont ever let it over come anything or make his desicions. I let my love for him guide what I would and would not do. Like go to sleazy places on Spring Break. I guess you could say he thinks with his brain and I just feel with my heart too much. Ah it hurts me ; ( All i want is romance and love someone who loves me forever. I am too young for this though only 21 and I wouldnt want to get married right now anyway but a guarantee would be nice. I'm gonna wind up an old maid! guys have it so easy, Anthony knows he will get married that good looking idiot. No guys even really wanted to dance with me, its funny I thought i was attractive but then that thought dwindled with my stupid weight obsession and not being perfect enough, and then there is no reinforcement for any males besides Tony, I rarely get hit on. Girls always like him though : ( Oh well. This song is so depressing about this guy who is in love with a girl Giulia and he goes crazy with out her. Linda sent me this song we play it all the time. Yet we hate men but we play this romantic song. NICE GUYS DONT EXIST! After tony fuck it i GIVE UP its only heart break and they wanna just use you anyway. Thats why I love Tony he's not like that and I dont wanna lose him. It will be hard to find another LOL but nah its because i TRUELY love the guy after all the heartache I went through with him I still love him no matter what, and always forgive him. Makes me a sucker in the end right because he still wouldnt want me forever and may hurt me again lol. Unbelievable, I am such a masocist. Umm yeah so basically Anthony is a bit bored but not with ME just wants to be alone. He didnt say he wants to break up or anything and de still loves me and always will but just bored of being in a relationship because he has been dating having a GF since 16 never single. And we've been together almost 4 years I think he feels its too long and we're not getting married anyway. OUCH. That one hurts because I dont care, if your going out with someone for almost 4 years the thought of marriage does RUN through your head. But he dismisses me doesnt wanna with me at all...i dont want to with him definately either but you know i'd say yes if he asked and I have thought about him at least. We dont have to know that we're soulmates or anything but damn after 3 1/2 years i'm only his girlfriend where everyone else i know in that same time there BF wants to be with them forever. Just a little tiny part of me inside wishes he would and didnt feel this way...
I always think the worst. Then theres Cancun but we will forget about that one for a while. Not stressing about that...
I sound like a broken record I dont even know what I wrote up top because i was interrupted so many times but i'm sad ; ( But blah blah you will always be my love my first love I will love you always i'm not bored of YOU ..yea yea it all sounds the same for me... THis all started because he said maybe we shouldnt exchange gifts if I was going to break up with him.. to make it easier on the both of us no xmas gifts. : ( but nah he says we will
Well we just talked he has school work to do, I didnt even say love you just muah. Maybe i'm just dragging this relationship along, i dont want us to break up hating each other or anything. I wish we could be friends but i'll probably never get to do that i'm way too jealous and posessive ; |
I dunno whats gonna happen but whatever does I'll be okay : ) I hope all this doesnt come true ; ( well i'm gonna go to bed I dont wanna think about all this stuff. All I want is to be happy and to love each other..the problem is that is I never want it to end.
This is such nonsense that I wrote. I just reread it, I sound like this needy Carrie Bradshaw type with Mr. Big afraid to commit. I love her but she is so needy and so am I however@! Ah no one comments anywayssssssssssssssssssssssssssss i'm gonna take a showerr i wish I could soak in a bath but its 1:30 am and I have to read for school then wake up for work tmrw.
Thanx Linda, Tess and Kathleen for being such good friends to me and I know I can trust you guys forever <3
0h well whatta gonna do? I'm still typing whatever I want..I should make this entry friends only..maybe I will. Hmm I have lots on my mind and I'm not sure where to start. One random thought, I was just thinking about that whore and how sometimes I feel she has something that I don't have. I mean he cheated on Colleen with her..then me...even though sexually speaking he knew I was better...and then went behind my back to talk to her and possibly even had her and the other one in his car? I think thats just crazy all that shit..the girl has something i dont have? I mean to go and cheat on 2 GF's with the SAME girl obviously you liked her enough. Especially me one who you supposedly "loved" and cared about.. I dunno just a random thought that I've always felt but never typed...
Second on the list, Weds I am off and so is Ant but do you think he'd maybe wanna spend an extra day with me besides our friday? I thought he would but apparently not. Instead lets hang out with Vinny on Wednesday and "party" whatever that even means. Even though your hanging out with him on Thanksgiving night...Alrite so just friday I suppose is good enough, even that one day is getting to be too much now..
Linda wants me to go to DNA w her and cheryl on Weds night the biggest party of the year. Anthony maybe you'd like to go with me and bring Vinny or something if you guys wanna party? there i just integrated myself into his plans haha.
BEWARE DEPRESSING CONTENT DONT READ IF YOU ARE ALREADY SAD/LOATHE MEN
::sighs:: I dunno why I bother sometimes. It's always when I feel we are really good and he's happy and i'm happy that I get sprung with something I wasnt aware of. I get thrown outta that fantasy world REAL fast and face reality that he doesnt love me as much as I love him ; ( ah how heart breaking is that right? You always want the other person to love you just as much. I mean he does love me tons as much as I love him, but that love he has, he wont ever let it over come anything or make his desicions. I let my love for him guide what I would and would not do. Like go to sleazy places on Spring Break. I guess you could say he thinks with his brain and I just feel with my heart too much. Ah it hurts me ; ( All i want is romance and love someone who loves me forever. I am too young for this though only 21 and I wouldnt want to get married right now anyway but a guarantee would be nice. I'm gonna wind up an old maid! guys have it so easy, Anthony knows he will get married that good looking idiot. No guys even really wanted to dance with me, its funny I thought i was attractive but then that thought dwindled with my stupid weight obsession and not being perfect enough, and then there is no reinforcement for any males besides Tony, I rarely get hit on. Girls always like him though : ( Oh well. This song is so depressing about this guy who is in love with a girl Giulia and he goes crazy with out her. Linda sent me this song we play it all the time. Yet we hate men but we play this romantic song. NICE GUYS DONT EXIST! After tony fuck it i GIVE UP its only heart break and they wanna just use you anyway. Thats why I love Tony he's not like that and I dont wanna lose him. It will be hard to find another LOL but nah its because i TRUELY love the guy after all the heartache I went through with him I still love him no matter what, and always forgive him. Makes me a sucker in the end right because he still wouldnt want me forever and may hurt me again lol. Unbelievable, I am such a masocist. Umm yeah so basically Anthony is a bit bored but not with ME just wants to be alone. He didnt say he wants to break up or anything and de still loves me and always will but just bored of being in a relationship because he has been dating having a GF since 16 never single. And we've been together almost 4 years I think he feels its too long and we're not getting married anyway. OUCH. That one hurts because I dont care, if your going out with someone for almost 4 years the thought of marriage does RUN through your head. But he dismisses me doesnt wanna with me at all...i dont want to with him definately either but you know i'd say yes if he asked and I have thought about him at least. We dont have to know that we're soulmates or anything but damn after 3 1/2 years i'm only his girlfriend where everyone else i know in that same time there BF wants to be with them forever. Just a little tiny part of me inside wishes he would and didnt feel this way...
I always think the worst. Then theres Cancun but we will forget about that one for a while. Not stressing about that...
I sound like a broken record I dont even know what I wrote up top because i was interrupted so many times but i'm sad ; ( But blah blah you will always be my love my first love I will love you always i'm not bored of YOU ..yea yea it all sounds the same for me... THis all started because he said maybe we shouldnt exchange gifts if I was going to break up with him.. to make it easier on the both of us no xmas gifts. : ( but nah he says we will
Well we just talked he has school work to do, I didnt even say love you just muah. Maybe i'm just dragging this relationship along, i dont want us to break up hating each other or anything. I wish we could be friends but i'll probably never get to do that i'm way too jealous and posessive ; |
I dunno whats gonna happen but whatever does I'll be okay : ) I hope all this doesnt come true ; ( well i'm gonna go to bed I dont wanna think about all this stuff. All I want is to be happy and to love each other..the problem is that is I never want it to end.
This is such nonsense that I wrote. I just reread it, I sound like this needy Carrie Bradshaw type with Mr. Big afraid to commit. I love her but she is so needy and so am I however@! Ah no one comments anywayssssssssssssssssssssssssssss i'm gonna take a showerr i wish I could soak in a bath but its 1:30 am and I have to read for school then wake up for work tmrw.
Thanx Linda, Tess and Kathleen for being such good friends to me and I know I can trust you guys forever <3