(no subject)
god help me.
it's been 21 days. 21.
thats fucking it.
ive never done this before, ive never been so in love and can't reach it.
i know all my posts lately are whiney and annoying. but i need to get these feelings and this pain off my chest.
Sometime's i get angry. i get angry with rob for leaving me. I get angry, because this is hurting me, he is hurtinng me. I know he doesn't intend to, I dont regret my decision of being supportive of him leaving.
I am just sometimes angry at him. Sometimes i just love him and miss him, and sometimes im just angry and feel like he's making me a fool.
How do i know where we will be in 6 months.
thats along time. me and him are the age where our lives are still changing and growing. we're coming into our own. and right now we're doing it seperately, and it worries me.
it worries me that he will change, or i will change or we will both change. and it wont be the same when he comes home.
I worry he will love it so much on the cruise, he will extend his contract for a year or more, because after 6 months it might be easy to forget about me.
I worry he will find a girl. even though he told me he would wait for me and i know he loves me. when you dont see your boyfriend for that long, how do you know what might happen.
I've definately had thoughts about other guys, NOTHING i would follow through with ever. I love rob, and he is more important to me than silly fascinations. but im thinking he must be thinking the same.
I hope to death this will work and i wont resent him once we comes home for leaving me for so long. it wouldnt be fair to resent him because i let him go.
I probably will be too busy feeling happy and love and passion that i wont care about the anger i felt. i'd have him with me then, and thats all that matters. but i would make him promise never to leave me again.( for long periods of time).
i still get insecure and think if he loved me enough he wouldnt WANT to be without me for 6 months. I know i wouldnt have left him. I asked my dad today if he would leave my mom for 6 months if he could make a killing and pay off all his debts, and he said "probably not" and i was like 'great'. Sometimes it makes me feel not as loved by him. I know he does love me alot, he wouldnt care to make it work throughout this if he didnt.
Alot of thoughts just run through my mind and its been tough. really tough, i dont really cry anymore. i cryed alot the first week and a half, but now im starting to adapt to my life without him. i still miss him a ton, but what can you do other than just try to live your life and forget about your pain that wont help you. I just hope he feels the hurt too. If not than thats something to be worried about, he would be out the door. im not going to love someone who will half - ass love me. not happening. sorry.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm kind of excited for my sister to have her baby soon, so that i will have something to be excited about and be occupied with. It will be great.
me and rob have been talking quite a bit via facebook, we'll go through this talking phase like every day for 4 days and then wont talk for a couple/few days then we'll talk again, he called me sunday morning and iwas SO happy,but it just made the pain rise when his call dropped. i was so sad after i heard from him because it was as close as i felt to him in two weeks.
god how am i going to do 6 months of this.
i had a dream he messaged me on facebook saying he was done and was coming home tomorrow. and he did, the dream was weird and very flawed in ways, but.. it was a nice thought. in my dream when he messaged me i knew it wasnt true, even though eh did come and saw me it was like i knew it wasnt reality. like i knew i was just dreaming. so that sucked.
I hope that's one of those premonition dreams, i really fucking hope. I think rob has a very strong sense of pride and wont give up that easy and seem like the giving up type, he's very.. audacious and strong willed. so i think he will give it a good run if not sticking the whole thing out. i think it would damage his pride if he gave up and came home early, as much as sometimes i think he wants to. i want him to know that i would think of him no differently if he cmae home early, i admire him enough as it is for sticking it out THIS long even. more than i could do for sure.
i dont know what to be for halloween.
it's been 21 days. 21.
thats fucking it.
ive never done this before, ive never been so in love and can't reach it.
i know all my posts lately are whiney and annoying. but i need to get these feelings and this pain off my chest.
Sometime's i get angry. i get angry with rob for leaving me. I get angry, because this is hurting me, he is hurtinng me. I know he doesn't intend to, I dont regret my decision of being supportive of him leaving.
I am just sometimes angry at him. Sometimes i just love him and miss him, and sometimes im just angry and feel like he's making me a fool.
How do i know where we will be in 6 months.
thats along time. me and him are the age where our lives are still changing and growing. we're coming into our own. and right now we're doing it seperately, and it worries me.
it worries me that he will change, or i will change or we will both change. and it wont be the same when he comes home.
I worry he will love it so much on the cruise, he will extend his contract for a year or more, because after 6 months it might be easy to forget about me.
I worry he will find a girl. even though he told me he would wait for me and i know he loves me. when you dont see your boyfriend for that long, how do you know what might happen.
I've definately had thoughts about other guys, NOTHING i would follow through with ever. I love rob, and he is more important to me than silly fascinations. but im thinking he must be thinking the same.
I hope to death this will work and i wont resent him once we comes home for leaving me for so long. it wouldnt be fair to resent him because i let him go.
I probably will be too busy feeling happy and love and passion that i wont care about the anger i felt. i'd have him with me then, and thats all that matters. but i would make him promise never to leave me again.( for long periods of time).
i still get insecure and think if he loved me enough he wouldnt WANT to be without me for 6 months. I know i wouldnt have left him. I asked my dad today if he would leave my mom for 6 months if he could make a killing and pay off all his debts, and he said "probably not" and i was like 'great'. Sometimes it makes me feel not as loved by him. I know he does love me alot, he wouldnt care to make it work throughout this if he didnt.
Alot of thoughts just run through my mind and its been tough. really tough, i dont really cry anymore. i cryed alot the first week and a half, but now im starting to adapt to my life without him. i still miss him a ton, but what can you do other than just try to live your life and forget about your pain that wont help you. I just hope he feels the hurt too. If not than thats something to be worried about, he would be out the door. im not going to love someone who will half - ass love me. not happening. sorry.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm kind of excited for my sister to have her baby soon, so that i will have something to be excited about and be occupied with. It will be great.
me and rob have been talking quite a bit via facebook, we'll go through this talking phase like every day for 4 days and then wont talk for a couple/few days then we'll talk again, he called me sunday morning and iwas SO happy,but it just made the pain rise when his call dropped. i was so sad after i heard from him because it was as close as i felt to him in two weeks.
god how am i going to do 6 months of this.
i had a dream he messaged me on facebook saying he was done and was coming home tomorrow. and he did, the dream was weird and very flawed in ways, but.. it was a nice thought. in my dream when he messaged me i knew it wasnt true, even though eh did come and saw me it was like i knew it wasnt reality. like i knew i was just dreaming. so that sucked.
I hope that's one of those premonition dreams, i really fucking hope. I think rob has a very strong sense of pride and wont give up that easy and seem like the giving up type, he's very.. audacious and strong willed. so i think he will give it a good run if not sticking the whole thing out. i think it would damage his pride if he gave up and came home early, as much as sometimes i think he wants to. i want him to know that i would think of him no differently if he cmae home early, i admire him enough as it is for sticking it out THIS long even. more than i could do for sure.
i dont know what to be for halloween.