So out of...touch
SO this is it, i am married now, 2008. I have a daughter and one on the way, who knew that my life would have taken these twists and turns. really i dot even know myself how i gotten here. i still have no contact with the bennett part of the family, whats new right? oh by the way ashley,lexis, and drew up and moved to florida with out anyone telling me,nice right? Dads back in jail from what i hear, but who knows. maybe if he would get his life straightened out when he comes out we could have some normal life and actually be able to really feel like he lives up to the title as "dad" ....ah...wouldnt that be nice...* blows away the hazy dream mist* but then it is all a dream. he doesnt know how much i would love to have a father. something that has been taken away from me when i was oh so young. but instead he does nothing but mope around feeling sorry for himself not contacting anyone, ect. what ever, if he dont have time for me then what the heck, why should i spent time hoping that he will turn around, "the next time he gets out of jail" right well. like i said that will be never, and for that my kids prolly wont ever know them, maybey that would be for the best. My mother, im not shure about them, they dont wear their wedding rings? odd. whatever. but they are digging them selves deeper and deeper in to a hole, dont they realize that if they made a few minor adjustments they can bounce right back, i mean for god sake she is working two jobs. and my stepdad at the car place, not shure about that situation.
myself, well , i am the product of the two, making out to be a nice peice of work. Gosh i love living on my own and i have my daughter always, me and brian's realtionship is ok, kinda rocky questioning a few things abit. but i think we will make it out in the end. but goodness, this place sucks. We are "it" we are the company. becasue ...there is none. which kinda makes me feel yucky and like, whats wrong with us. but then no drama. but dang. and then no vehicle so its like can you do this for me and can you take me here. blah blah. I feel like im in confines of a place i like. confusing i know dont worry about it. and to think we are going to have another one, brian may look for another job leaving me alone with thiese babies. every one knows raven thinks the world of brian, and when he is gone just the monday and fridays she is non stop whining and da da da. im prolly gonna have two like that. yeah. but i suppose ill make it . i have to. i catch myself worriing about this pregnancy more than the last. i hope that this baby is ok, and doesnt have any problems, but it is like a white elephant in the room, im not shure, just something dont feel right. so i might just get the one test to see if it has down syndrome, ect. even tho alot of times those are worng. im just worried. I am worried about alot of things lately. and i dunno it is weird. its like something releasing me from what i used to be to now. its hard to explain. i feel like i have changed so much the past couple of days. it is very odd. i have changed alot the past year. i cut everyone that was nothing but drama, essentially meaning i have no friends. kinda sucks, but worring about shit and what they say and making them happy...fuck that. i need to make me happy now, i dont care who gets hurt, its gonna be me first now, well besides my kids and brian. Speaking about brian, i also feel like we are not communicating. it feels like a million miles between him and me when we are sitting side by side. it is diffrent now than it was before. im not shure what it is if it is something aobut me that i need to change or if it is something he is holding back. i dont know. but it is worring me to. i feel like i am being "wittled" down to just a splinter. like i am a tiny ant in the middle of rush hour traffic. the world is blowing past me and leaving me behind. soemthing is going to have to change soon. or i dont know what willl happen next.
myself, well , i am the product of the two, making out to be a nice peice of work. Gosh i love living on my own and i have my daughter always, me and brian's realtionship is ok, kinda rocky questioning a few things abit. but i think we will make it out in the end. but goodness, this place sucks. We are "it" we are the company. becasue ...there is none. which kinda makes me feel yucky and like, whats wrong with us. but then no drama. but dang. and then no vehicle so its like can you do this for me and can you take me here. blah blah. I feel like im in confines of a place i like. confusing i know dont worry about it. and to think we are going to have another one, brian may look for another job leaving me alone with thiese babies. every one knows raven thinks the world of brian, and when he is gone just the monday and fridays she is non stop whining and da da da. im prolly gonna have two like that. yeah. but i suppose ill make it . i have to. i catch myself worriing about this pregnancy more than the last. i hope that this baby is ok, and doesnt have any problems, but it is like a white elephant in the room, im not shure, just something dont feel right. so i might just get the one test to see if it has down syndrome, ect. even tho alot of times those are worng. im just worried. I am worried about alot of things lately. and i dunno it is weird. its like something releasing me from what i used to be to now. its hard to explain. i feel like i have changed so much the past couple of days. it is very odd. i have changed alot the past year. i cut everyone that was nothing but drama, essentially meaning i have no friends. kinda sucks, but worring about shit and what they say and making them happy...fuck that. i need to make me happy now, i dont care who gets hurt, its gonna be me first now, well besides my kids and brian. Speaking about brian, i also feel like we are not communicating. it feels like a million miles between him and me when we are sitting side by side. it is diffrent now than it was before. im not shure what it is if it is something aobut me that i need to change or if it is something he is holding back. i dont know. but it is worring me to. i feel like i am being "wittled" down to just a splinter. like i am a tiny ant in the middle of rush hour traffic. the world is blowing past me and leaving me behind. soemthing is going to have to change soon. or i dont know what willl happen next.