Adding to the last entry!
I put on a mask to hide what i was really going through...no one really
knew me..they knew who I was supposed to be and who I pretended to
be. I was supposed to be this nice little straight-A girl,
daughter of a minister. Perfect student, perfect daughter,
perfect kid. I was pretending to be that, and apparently I was
pretty good at that. Everyone believed that I was happy.
Happy with myself, my life, my family, my friends. I was the
exact opposite of that!! I hated myself! I was anorexic and I was a cutter!! My life was way out of control!!! My family was so messed up! My friends...don't even go there! Most of them hated me for no reason at all!!
But now, I've turned my life around. I'm no longer the girl I was for most of the year, even though no one knew that until recently. I don't wanna kill myself anymore. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. I'm just not that person anymore.
Yeah, my family is still messed up. Today, I woke up at nine. Went downstairs, my mom was on the phone as usual. No acknowledgement that I exist. My brother was playing video games. My dad was no where to be found. I ate breakfast alone in the HUGE dining room. Then I watched a movie alone. I still haven't said anything to my family and it's 3:45! But that's the way I like it. I can basically do whatever I want to.
I can now get through each day without so much help. I'm a survivor, thanks to my friends who listened to me when I needed it! My cousin, she wasn't so lucky. She didn't have friends like I have. She didn't make it. I don't know why I was different. I just don't get it. She seemed to have everything together, except the cutting. It's not fair. She really did have the perfect family. I don't, but I survived and she didn't.
I guess that means God has something planned for me. I'm not sure what, but I'm looking forward to finding out.
Thanks so much to everyone who was just there for me!!!!!!! I love u so much!!!!
<33 Jennifer
But now, I've turned my life around. I'm no longer the girl I was for most of the year, even though no one knew that until recently. I don't wanna kill myself anymore. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. I'm just not that person anymore.
Yeah, my family is still messed up. Today, I woke up at nine. Went downstairs, my mom was on the phone as usual. No acknowledgement that I exist. My brother was playing video games. My dad was no where to be found. I ate breakfast alone in the HUGE dining room. Then I watched a movie alone. I still haven't said anything to my family and it's 3:45! But that's the way I like it. I can basically do whatever I want to.
I can now get through each day without so much help. I'm a survivor, thanks to my friends who listened to me when I needed it! My cousin, she wasn't so lucky. She didn't have friends like I have. She didn't make it. I don't know why I was different. I just don't get it. She seemed to have everything together, except the cutting. It's not fair. She really did have the perfect family. I don't, but I survived and she didn't.
I guess that means God has something planned for me. I'm not sure what, but I'm looking forward to finding out.
Thanks so much to everyone who was just there for me!!!!!!! I love u so much!!!!
<33 Jennifer