Let's Pretend (Companion to Stay)
Title: Let’s Pretend (Companion of Stay)
Pairing: Adam/Kris, Kris/Katy
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: angst, m/m loving
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys or Katy. This story is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Kris always has to leave someone.
Author’s Notes: This is a companion piece of Stay. A lot of you asked for a story from Kris’ POV. I decided to write it. In Stay, Kris is kinda depicted as a jerk. I hope that this story helps to show what he was going through. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy it. Feedback is always welcome.
Link to Stay: http://pink-glitter-26.livejournal.com/42127.html
Kris was in the state somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. Fragments of a dream were floating through his brain. Adam was in his dream. However, Dream Adam had long flowing blonde hair. Dream Adam was shorter than Real Adam. He had the same piercing blue eyes though. Dream Adam also had a protruding belly. Kris stared in wonder at the belly knowing that his child was inside.
The dream started to fade even more when he heard himself singing Red Guitar. He woke up quickly and reached for his phone. He knew that it was his wife calling and that she would be wondering where he was.
“Hey, Katy.” Kris spoke.
“Kris, where are you? I thought you were going to be home hours ago?” Katy asked with concern laced in her voice.
“We were watching a movie. I guess I fell asleep on the couch.” Kris answered.
“Are you staying at Adam’s then?” Katy inquired with just a hint of anger or maybe jealousy. Kris wasn’t sure.
“No. I’ll be home soon.” Kris replied.
“Okay. I love you.” Katy declared happily.
“I love you too.” Kris responded automatically.
Kris hung up the phone and flopped on his back. He knew that Adam was awake. He hadn’t said anything, but Kris knew that he had heard the conversation he had just had with Katy. He knew that Adam knew that he was leaving.
“I have to get home.” Kris declared as he wiped at his sleep heavy eyes. He was more than just physically tired. He was emotionally tired as well. He and Adam had been carrying on this affair for a long time. It got to be too much sometimes.
“You could stay. Just tell Katy that you were too tired to drive home. Please, Kris, just stay.” Adam begged.
Kris hated that he had driven Adam to beg him to stay. Adam wasn’t this person. He wasn’t weak, but Kris had made him this way. He hated himself for it.
Kris smiled at him and leaned down to kiss him. For a moment, he allowed himself to think about staying. He hurt Adam enough. Maybe just once, he should give in when Adam begged him to stay. He couldn’t do that though. He had to go home to his wife…to Katy. Suddenly, he broke the kiss and climbed out of bed. He started searching for his clothes. He had to get out of Adam’s house before he changed his mind…before he stayed. More importantly, he had to get out before Adam could beg anymore…before Adam started to cry. If he started to cry, Kris would never leave.
“You know that I can’t stay, but I’ll see you Thursday. Katy has her acting class that night.” Kris told him as he put his jeans on.
He purposely avoided looking at Adam. He didn’t want to see the hurt on his face. Adam said nothing and Kris was grateful. Leaving got harder and harder each time he had to do it.
“I love you.” Kris stated as he buttoned his shirt and leaned over the bed to give Adam another quick kiss.
Before Adam had the chance to say anything, Kris was gone. He knew that Adam loved him, but if he heard him say it he knew it would break his resolve to leave.
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As soon as Kris walked into Adam’s place, Adam pushed him against the wall and dropped to his knees. They hadn’t seen each other in almost a week. Kris moaned as Adam fumbled with the fly on Kris’ jeans. He groaned when he finally got it open. It had been way too long. He desperately wanted Adam. He was already hard and leaking. Kris almost came the instant Adam took him into his mouth. He threaded his fingers in Adam’s hair and pulled. He knew that Adam liked when Kris got a little rough with him. Adam took even more of him into his mouth. Kris moaned and let himself go. He thrust into Adam. Minutes that felt like only seconds later, Kris came down Adam’s throat.
Kris had his eyes closed and his head resting on the wall. He moaned a little as Adam let him slip from his mouth. Even with his eyes closed, Kris could tell that Adam was looking at him. He could tell that Adam was thinking. He knew that Adam was about to break the silence.
“Does she love you like this Kris? Does she make you feel like this?” Adam quizzed as he pushed Kris’ shirt up and kissed his stomach.
“Adam.” Kris stated in warning.
Kris didn’t like talking about Katy, especially when he and Adam were like this. If they didn’t talk about her, it made it easier for Kris to pretend that he wasn’t a cheating bastard. He didn’t want to answer Adam’s questions either because he knew that neither one of them would like the answers. Katy loved Kris with all her heart just like Adam did. She made him feel good just like Adam did.
“Come on, baby, I know she doesn’t. I know that I’m the only one who can give you what you need.” Adam continued.
Kris sighed a little. Adam assumed that Kris and Katy didn’t have a sex life. Kris had never told him any different, but he and Katy were still intimate. They were still in love. He knew that it didn’t make any sense. Most men strayed when they didn’t love their wives anymore. Kris still loved Katy as much as he had the day he married her. However, he loved Adam too.
“Adam, I love you and I really don’t want to talk about her.” Kris told him. He didn’t even want to say her name. He just wanted to pretend for a few hours that he and Adam were the only two people in the world.
“I’m just so tired of being lonely, Kris. I’m tired of lying and hiding. We don’t have to live like this.” Adam declared as he stood up. Kris had heard all of this before.
“I know.” Kris responded before capturing Adam’s lips in a searing kiss. He just wanted him to stop talking.
Kris began to pull at Adam’s clothing. He wanted them both naked. If they were naked, Adam would stop talking so much. When their clothes were gone, Kris hit his knees and eagerly took Adam into his mouth. He could tell that Adam was letting go of his worry and doubt. As he brought Adam to his climax, Kris wondered how much longer he could keep this double life up.
A few hours later, Adam and Kris were cuddled up in the bed together. They weren’t sleep or talking. Kris was content to be wrapped in Adam’s arms. He was glad that Adam wasn’t talking. He was probably thinking, but he wasn’t talking. It was easier to pretend that they had a normal life in moments like this.
Out of nowhere, Red Guitar started playing. Reluctantly, Kris rolled away from Adam and answered his cell phone.
“Kris, where are you? I thought you were going to be home by eight. It’s almost nine.” Katy spoke as soon as Kris answered the phone.
“I’m on my way. Traffic is crazy tonight. I’ll be there soon.” Kris spoke quietly.
Kris hung up and got out of bed. He began to get dressed. He didn’t look at Adam. This was always the hardest part.
“Stay.” Adam whispered. Kris squeezed his eyes shut. He felt like he was going to cry.
“I can’t.” Kris replied as he finished putting his clothes on. He kept his back to Adam. He couldn’t look at him yet.
Quickly, he kissed Adam’s lips. He declared his love and was gone before Adam could respond. It was easier that way. At least it was easier for him. He knew that his abrupt exit probably made it harder for Adam. Kris let a few tears slide down his face as he drove home.
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“I promise it won’t always be like this. I just need some time to get things figured out. I’ll leave her and we’ll be together.” Kris told Adam as they lay in bed together a few weeks later.
Kris had told him all of this before. Sometimes, he thought he meant it. Other times, he knew he was just saying because he knew Adam wanted to hear it. Tonight it was the latter.
“That’s what you keep saying.” Adam replied hoarsely.
“Don’t you believe me?” Kris asked even though he knew he was lying. He wanted to make Adam happy. “I love you, Adam.” He added in an effort to make Adam believe him…to make Adam happy.
“I love you too. I just feel like you’re using me. I’m tired of waiting for you to leave your wife.” Adam explained bitterly as a few tears threatened to fall.
“It’s more than just leaving her. You’ve been openly gay since you were a teenager. I haven’t. I need time to get used to it.” Kris responded. He had used this argument before. It was almost the truth.
“You’ve had over a year to get used to it.” Adam declared as he sat up and moved away from Kris.
“Please, Adam, just a little more time.” Kris pleaded as he hugged Adam from behind. He needed Adam to not be angry with him. He needed Adam to be happy.
“I hate sharing you with her.” Adam told him truthfully.
“I know. I just need a little more time.” Kris lied as he kissed Adam’s neck and shoulders. All the time in the world would not help him. He loved them both. He was being selfish and unfair to them both, but he just couldn’t make a decision.
“Okay…A little more time.” Adam agreed as he turned around and captured Kris’ lips. Kris sighed into the kiss. He was glad that he had been able to make Adam happy for now anyway.
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“You’re pregnant?” Kris half asked half stated after Katy had told him the news. He collapsed in the chair.
“Yeah. I went to the doctor today to confirm it. Isn’t this great? Aren’t you happy, Kris?” Katy quizzed enthusiastically as she got on her knees in front of him.
“Of course, I am, sweetheart.” Kris replied with a bright smile.
He cupped her face in his hands. They stared into each other’s eyes and just smiled.
“I love you so much.” Kris declared as he leaned down to kiss her. He meant it with everything in him.
“I love you too.” Katy whispered when they broke the kiss.
“How far along are you?” Kris inquired as she climbed onto his lap. He placed his hand on her stomach.
“About two months. The baby’s due around Christmas.” Katy answered as she placed her hand over her husband’s.
Katy smiled at him. She leaned her head against his head. They both stared at their hands on her stomach. Kris knew in that instant that things were over with Adam. He loved him still, but he was going to have a child now. He had to give Katy and the baby everything. He couldn’t do that if he was still sneaking around with Adam.
*******************************************************
A few days later, Kris and Katy made an official announcement about the pregnancy. Kris had tried to call Adam about a million times to tell him before the news broke. However, he couldn’t come up with an easy way to break the news. He knew that it made him a horrible person, but he thought it would be better if Adam heard it from someone else.
Once Kris was sure that the pregnancy news was all around. He checked his secret e-mail account…the one that he and Adam used to communicate privately. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to have a message waiting for him from Adam or not.
When he was signed in, he saw that he had one message. He stared at the computer screen for several minutes before he clicked on it. He didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t know what he wanted it to say.
As he read what Adam had written, a few tears came to his eyes. He had known that it was over before this. However, seeing Adam’s words made it final. It was done. There was no going back ever. He didn’t want to. He wanted to be with Katy…with their baby. He cherished the time he had had with Adam. His only regret was the hurt that he had caused. He knew that he and Adam would never be together again…never even be friends again. He hoped though that one day Adam could forgive him.
Kris quickly typed Adam a return message. It simply said: I’m sorry. He hit send. A moment later, the message was returned. He was informed that the account he was trying to send the message to had been deleted. Kris smiled sadly. Despite everything, Kris was glad to see the old Adam was back. He was strong again. Kris smiled a little brighter and deleted his account as well.