Afterlife - Ch.9
Title: Afterlife - Ch.9
Author: pimprevster
Pairing: Matt/Jimmy
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, and as far as I know, none of this really happened.
Summary:
A translucent haze. Endless dreaming.
Dreams. Memories. Aren’t they the same now?
Feels like it.
But they’re only memories...
Memories we can never make again.
Memories that feel so wonderful, so vivid, so real as they engulf my mind.
Then they leave me empty. In pain.
Alone.
I wish I could go back...
“So, what exactly happened while you were in here? What was the bastard’s name?” Jimmy asked. The three of us were scattered across the living room, sifting through closets, cabinets, and the like for any type of clue. I had dismembered an entire wall of unread bookshelves and still had no idea what to look for, but I trusted Jimmy’s judgment, so I continued without question.
“Arturo,” I responded bitterly, moving on to the center of the room and checking under the couch cushions.
“Weird. I always thought that’d be a cool name to give my son, if I ever had one. Or more realistically, a pet. Not anymore.”
“Okay, this is stupid question but it’s killing me, so I gotta ask,” Brian cut in, turning to face me. “What is with your lack of clothing?”
I glanced down at my bare chest and felt a wave of guilt crash upon me. It was necessary for me to tell the truth - I knew that immediately - but how was I to tell it? If I really had been in a serious relationship with Jimmy, what I had done with Arturo had serious consequence. And Jimmy was already hurting enough.
“Matt?” he asked again, and I looked up to see that both of their eyes were on me.
“I, um…” I coughed as if I had choked on a plume of dust from the couch cushions. “At least I put shorts on.”
It was the worst answer I could have possibly thought of giving. It sounded like I didn’t care about what I had done. I did. I regretted every second of the lust I’d felt for that wicked man. In fact, now that my mind was clear, I couldn’t understand how the hell I had even felt it to begin with.
They didn’t understand at first, probably because the obvious explanation was so unexpected, so uncharacteristic of me. I had hated Arturo from the moment I met him, and anyone who witnessed my situation would have assumed the same. If I hated someone, I took them down. Even if they overpowered me, I refused to give up or back away from a fight. I would make sure I’d never have to see the bastard’s face in my life again, by whatever means necessary. Not this time.
“What the hell does that mean? You sleep naked or something? I thought you only did that with…Jimmy.”
As the possibility clicked into place, a deathly silence crept across the room. Had I done the unthinkable?
Jimmy turned around and continued his investigation as if he hadn’t heard a thing. I couldn’t understand the notion…and then I could. It was a defense mechanism of his already aching heart on the brink of fatality. He couldn’t take another blow, so his body and mind refused to.
“Please tell me you didn’t share a bedroom with that asshole.”
I didn’t answer Brian after that. I pushed a couch to the side to see if there was anything hiding beneath. After the dull screech of the legs across the timber floorboards ceased, there were only the sounds of Jimmy’s lackluster search; picking up stacks of unread magazines and replacing them, sliding statuettes back and forth within the shelves to see the back.
“Matt?”
I moved another couch.
“Oh god, you didn’t…”
After that I stood up, only to see Brian’s hand move over his mouth in disbelief and Jimmy’s body tremble so hard that he knocked over a porcelain figurine and broke it. I wasn’t sure if he was shaking in anger or anguish. Neither could be good.
I rushed across to him and wrapped my arms around him before he could do something stupid like try to break a porcelain figure on his head - or one of ours, for that matter.
“I don’t know why I did it, I honestly don’t,” I began, squeezing his arms beneath mine so that he couldn’t move them. The way he quaked against my body alarmed me enough to speak my mind without thinking. “Please don’t lose your mind, Jimmy. I can’t lose you again. I need you to stay here with us…with me. I need you.”
His arms fought against mine, so I clasped my hands together and held tight. The strength that he exerted against me was unnatural, shouldn’t have been possible. I knew that the amount of stress he was going through could augment his capabilities. With my physique I should have been stronger than him despite that, but my muscles strained to their limit with the effort. It was absolutely terrifying. I was so close to having to let go…but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him react in the ways that I knew he would.
“Please, Jimmy,” I begged him now, resting my forehead on the back of his neck. “Maybe it was some enchantment of his, or maybe I was just being stupid because I was lonely here and halfway to insanity because I didn’t have you, but whatever the case it was an absolutely disgusting thing to do, and horrible, and I’m so, so, sorry…” I raised my head, planting a soft kiss on his skin that was intermingled with whimpers, and whispered, “I love you.” Then my arms gave way and my hands lost their grip on each other. To my surprise, he didn’t break away from me. I thought perhaps my tears were the only thing that had pushed him back over the edge to reality before it was too late.
He stopped shaking, at least to the point where it was normal. Then he found my hand and held it, taking a deep breath to calm himself down before turning toward me. “Don’t look so guilty…it doesn’t do justice to your eyes. Smile for me so I can see the Matthew I love, no matter what.” When I smiled, he poked the side of my cheek where my dimple was and said, “That’s the spirit.”
I laughed in a way that sounded hysterical, while Brian stood to the side with his hand over his chest and his eyes wide as kites. “My god, Jim, I thought I was gonna have a fucking heart attack…” he breathed, collapsing on the couch nearest him and glancing down at the floor to regain his bearings.
“Sorry. My hand slipped. C’mon guys, why would you get so worked up over a broken porcelain whore? Any one of us could acquire a real one in a snap of our fingers,” Jimmy responded, grinning humorously, when he was probably fully aware of how close he had been to losing his mind. He looked at me, squeezing my hand once before letting go of it and returning to his investigation. “By the way, I love you too.”
Author: pimprevster
Pairing: Matt/Jimmy
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, and as far as I know, none of this really happened.
Summary:
A translucent haze. Endless dreaming.
Dreams. Memories. Aren’t they the same now?
Feels like it.
But they’re only memories...
Memories we can never make again.
Memories that feel so wonderful, so vivid, so real as they engulf my mind.
Then they leave me empty. In pain.
Alone.
I wish I could go back...
“So, what exactly happened while you were in here? What was the bastard’s name?” Jimmy asked. The three of us were scattered across the living room, sifting through closets, cabinets, and the like for any type of clue. I had dismembered an entire wall of unread bookshelves and still had no idea what to look for, but I trusted Jimmy’s judgment, so I continued without question.
“Arturo,” I responded bitterly, moving on to the center of the room and checking under the couch cushions.
“Weird. I always thought that’d be a cool name to give my son, if I ever had one. Or more realistically, a pet. Not anymore.”
“Okay, this is stupid question but it’s killing me, so I gotta ask,” Brian cut in, turning to face me. “What is with your lack of clothing?”
I glanced down at my bare chest and felt a wave of guilt crash upon me. It was necessary for me to tell the truth - I knew that immediately - but how was I to tell it? If I really had been in a serious relationship with Jimmy, what I had done with Arturo had serious consequence. And Jimmy was already hurting enough.
“Matt?” he asked again, and I looked up to see that both of their eyes were on me.
“I, um…” I coughed as if I had choked on a plume of dust from the couch cushions. “At least I put shorts on.”
It was the worst answer I could have possibly thought of giving. It sounded like I didn’t care about what I had done. I did. I regretted every second of the lust I’d felt for that wicked man. In fact, now that my mind was clear, I couldn’t understand how the hell I had even felt it to begin with.
They didn’t understand at first, probably because the obvious explanation was so unexpected, so uncharacteristic of me. I had hated Arturo from the moment I met him, and anyone who witnessed my situation would have assumed the same. If I hated someone, I took them down. Even if they overpowered me, I refused to give up or back away from a fight. I would make sure I’d never have to see the bastard’s face in my life again, by whatever means necessary. Not this time.
“What the hell does that mean? You sleep naked or something? I thought you only did that with…Jimmy.”
As the possibility clicked into place, a deathly silence crept across the room. Had I done the unthinkable?
Jimmy turned around and continued his investigation as if he hadn’t heard a thing. I couldn’t understand the notion…and then I could. It was a defense mechanism of his already aching heart on the brink of fatality. He couldn’t take another blow, so his body and mind refused to.
“Please tell me you didn’t share a bedroom with that asshole.”
I didn’t answer Brian after that. I pushed a couch to the side to see if there was anything hiding beneath. After the dull screech of the legs across the timber floorboards ceased, there were only the sounds of Jimmy’s lackluster search; picking up stacks of unread magazines and replacing them, sliding statuettes back and forth within the shelves to see the back.
“Matt?”
I moved another couch.
“Oh god, you didn’t…”
After that I stood up, only to see Brian’s hand move over his mouth in disbelief and Jimmy’s body tremble so hard that he knocked over a porcelain figurine and broke it. I wasn’t sure if he was shaking in anger or anguish. Neither could be good.
I rushed across to him and wrapped my arms around him before he could do something stupid like try to break a porcelain figure on his head - or one of ours, for that matter.
“I don’t know why I did it, I honestly don’t,” I began, squeezing his arms beneath mine so that he couldn’t move them. The way he quaked against my body alarmed me enough to speak my mind without thinking. “Please don’t lose your mind, Jimmy. I can’t lose you again. I need you to stay here with us…with me. I need you.”
His arms fought against mine, so I clasped my hands together and held tight. The strength that he exerted against me was unnatural, shouldn’t have been possible. I knew that the amount of stress he was going through could augment his capabilities. With my physique I should have been stronger than him despite that, but my muscles strained to their limit with the effort. It was absolutely terrifying. I was so close to having to let go…but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him react in the ways that I knew he would.
“Please, Jimmy,” I begged him now, resting my forehead on the back of his neck. “Maybe it was some enchantment of his, or maybe I was just being stupid because I was lonely here and halfway to insanity because I didn’t have you, but whatever the case it was an absolutely disgusting thing to do, and horrible, and I’m so, so, sorry…” I raised my head, planting a soft kiss on his skin that was intermingled with whimpers, and whispered, “I love you.” Then my arms gave way and my hands lost their grip on each other. To my surprise, he didn’t break away from me. I thought perhaps my tears were the only thing that had pushed him back over the edge to reality before it was too late.
He stopped shaking, at least to the point where it was normal. Then he found my hand and held it, taking a deep breath to calm himself down before turning toward me. “Don’t look so guilty…it doesn’t do justice to your eyes. Smile for me so I can see the Matthew I love, no matter what.” When I smiled, he poked the side of my cheek where my dimple was and said, “That’s the spirit.”
I laughed in a way that sounded hysterical, while Brian stood to the side with his hand over his chest and his eyes wide as kites. “My god, Jim, I thought I was gonna have a fucking heart attack…” he breathed, collapsing on the couch nearest him and glancing down at the floor to regain his bearings.
“Sorry. My hand slipped. C’mon guys, why would you get so worked up over a broken porcelain whore? Any one of us could acquire a real one in a snap of our fingers,” Jimmy responded, grinning humorously, when he was probably fully aware of how close he had been to losing his mind. He looked at me, squeezing my hand once before letting go of it and returning to his investigation. “By the way, I love you too.”