y i should never get pissed
when im pissed i really get to thinkin bout life and stuff and nothin really but everythin at the same time. today was a really upsetting day especially with people making harsh judgements on my family and my life before they knew all the facts. amber im sorry if i was harsh earlier but i needed to let you know how things really were. the convo you posted between you and damien was totally tainted he turned that story all around and thats exactly what people dont need in their lives. then dealin with crap in school and PA stuff, massive migrain, and practice then commin back from practice to find my good friends room on fire i couldnt help but sit and think.
i know that many people think that by not going to college i am throwing my life away. throwing my intelligence away and wasting everything God gave me to work with, but the way i see it i owuld never be happy working the same job everyday. i hate sitting through class. i watched finding nemo during physics lab so i wouldnt fall asleep. i want a family and to be able to go around and touch peoples lives. i want to travel when i feel the need and just be able to take a day off and rest and recooperate when i want. i guess growing up in my life and alwayz having a strict schedule i just want to be free to do what i want for once. i am alwayz the one giving to everyone else and eventually i would like to be able to do something for myself and somthing that i enjoy.
dont get me wrong i love my life and all my friends but these last few years alot has changed. moving from california to indiana, then moving within indiana, constantly changing schools and churches and alwayz having to make new friends is way too much stress on top of keeping my grades up, keeping up my morals, taking care of my family, and having some sort of a social life. being from a somewhat larger family and being the middle child i guess im still trying to find my place in this world. between the shrine for tammy because she is in the army and the attention nikki and ben get for their medical issues and all the trouble they cause i have really just let my morals fall by the wayside so that i could fit in. i sacraficed what i believed in to have friends and now after spending some time talking with people i dont even know if i truly have friends here.
i alwayz said that i just wanted to be normal and to fit in finally. to have people that i oculd turn to no matter what. and now that i have that i feel like ive lost one of the most important parts of me.
of everything i regret most in my life is the willingness i had to sacrifice my relationship with God to finally get some attention and have 'friends'. So ive decided tonite that i will begin to rebuild that relationship and in doing so find out what i really want out of life.
Anyone can give up.
its the easiest thing in the world to do.
but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you felll apart,
that's true strength
*~Kade~*
i know that many people think that by not going to college i am throwing my life away. throwing my intelligence away and wasting everything God gave me to work with, but the way i see it i owuld never be happy working the same job everyday. i hate sitting through class. i watched finding nemo during physics lab so i wouldnt fall asleep. i want a family and to be able to go around and touch peoples lives. i want to travel when i feel the need and just be able to take a day off and rest and recooperate when i want. i guess growing up in my life and alwayz having a strict schedule i just want to be free to do what i want for once. i am alwayz the one giving to everyone else and eventually i would like to be able to do something for myself and somthing that i enjoy.
dont get me wrong i love my life and all my friends but these last few years alot has changed. moving from california to indiana, then moving within indiana, constantly changing schools and churches and alwayz having to make new friends is way too much stress on top of keeping my grades up, keeping up my morals, taking care of my family, and having some sort of a social life. being from a somewhat larger family and being the middle child i guess im still trying to find my place in this world. between the shrine for tammy because she is in the army and the attention nikki and ben get for their medical issues and all the trouble they cause i have really just let my morals fall by the wayside so that i could fit in. i sacraficed what i believed in to have friends and now after spending some time talking with people i dont even know if i truly have friends here.
i alwayz said that i just wanted to be normal and to fit in finally. to have people that i oculd turn to no matter what. and now that i have that i feel like ive lost one of the most important parts of me.
of everything i regret most in my life is the willingness i had to sacrifice my relationship with God to finally get some attention and have 'friends'. So ive decided tonite that i will begin to rebuild that relationship and in doing so find out what i really want out of life.
Anyone can give up.
its the easiest thing in the world to do.
but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you felll apart,
that's true strength
*~Kade~*