Comments | pillarofruin: I will not go gentle into that good night.

pillarofruin

I will not go gentle into that good night.

Oct 11, 2009 04:00

I know you all have good reason to hate me now. I won't expect sympathy.

But if all I can do is voice my concern, then I'm going to do that at least. Something seems very, very wrong, and it has to do with Vayne. It's only worse now than ever. Before, I feared that he might become a threat-- I knew it with mortal certainty-- but now, I know ( Read more... )

concerns, personal

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thewishfire October 11 2009, 11:17:30 UTC

Sensei! Thank goodness, you got back somewhere safe.... And you're well enough to type, at least.... Where are you?

And... you feel it too.... Those feelings, they're the same as inside me.... Is it my fault? Did I do something to you.... What's going on, sensei.... Do you know anything....

pillarofruin October 11 2009, 11:21:52 UTC

I'm somewhere safe, yes.

I know that something is very, very wrong, and you're laced all through it. It's you, Vayne. You're what's wrong. I'm sorry that it has to be this way, but please understand, it's my duty as a teacher-- no, as an alchemist-- to protect everyone. Even if I give up on my personal feelings, I have to protect this world.

thewishfire October 11 2009, 11:28:42 UTC

I see.... I'm sorry... I really did do something to you, didn't I.... I was only trying to... I only wanted to help.... It was like your heart was calling out to me... and I did... something... I don't know... but now it's like this....

Maybe I am too dangerous, but... why? I don't think I've thought any bad things... I don't think I've wanted anything bad.... And... when I think about going away... I feel heartbroken... not because I want to live... but because that feels so wrong, too.... It really does, Isolde-sensei.... Please believe me.... I don't know what to do, but can't we-- talk to some researchers, ask about this, something... because I don't think it's right that I leave, and I'm not just saying that to protect myself, I don't care about myself, I just really think that would be bad....

pillarofruin October 11 2009, 11:36:57 UTC

I don't know why, Vayne... I may be your teacher, but I'm far from all-knowing. I only know that something feels so wrong right now, this can't be right. I'm certain of that much. I know down to my blood and my bones and the spirit that animates them that something is wrong. And it's got you written all over it.

thewishfire October 11 2009, 11:40:19 UTC

I know you don't know everything... but... can't we go talk to someone? Can't we run some tests? Can't we.... Can't I see you, Isolde-sensei? I know you're probably so afraid of me... but I want to see you so badly.... Ever since I heard you left the infirmary, I just wanted to find you, and I don't know why, but... I promise I won't hurt you! I feel your pain... I feel your sorrow... and it hurts me too.... I don't want to hurt you....

pillarofruin October 11 2009, 11:51:55 UTC

No... no... that's the one temptation I can never allow myself to give in to. If you come near me, I might be ensnared by your charm... Or you might wish for me to accept you, and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. I'll consent to tests, to asking others for advice, but please don't come near me...

thewishfire October 11 2009, 11:55:09 UTC

Okay.... You're tearing me apart inside, but.... Please... find out what's wrong. Let me know.... I'll undergo any test, too. Anything-- just let me know where to go, what to do. And I'll... I'll try my best to stay away from you, sensei. I don't want you to hurt any more than you are.

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