...fists are for beating. scabs are for healing. and blood is for bleeding...
so this is a very special journal entry. to all of those out there who decide that its okay for them to judge people and say all this shit. well let me tell you what i really think of you. you all want to be honest. ill give you honest.
for starters...
rob: oh rob. so much to say so little time to write it all down. when i first did meet you. i thought you were pretty nice. we got along pretty well. but what do you expect. then a couple years later i started hanging out with you again. outside of camp. which was alright at first. then you went out with alex. haha. this should be funny. lets see you started off normal, then you became a piece of shit. not to mention...i didnt want to let this slip...but since im being honest just like you...she soon informed us of your extremly small penis. OMG. and im a cunt? i guess now after reading this you have a right to call me a cunt. haha. and by the way. simon birch is a truely wonderful nickname. i just love it. i decided not to be friends with you anymore cause your a backstabber. and you talk about me behind my back. pretty gay.
kacey: i didnt like you at first. mainly because of laura. because shes a pathological lier. i cant stand liers. it annoys the shit out of me. but anyways. i honestly didnt think ud turn out to be a pathological lier. but anyways. besides the point. you were nice at first. but your pretty much just like everyone else. you have no personality. you cant stick up for anything or anyone. your like a spineless bitch. your one of those pretend bitches. i guess thats a good thing? nah. you decided that making your friends jealous instead of being a friend was more important. so i decided i dont need fake friends.
whos next?
jeff: poor jeff, always trying to fit in. well i guess since fitting in was always your biggest priority that friends dont really fit in there. especially when all the people im going to list here you talk shit about. just like everyone else. always like to pick on the person whos not there to defend themselves? why is that? oh its because your just like kacey. completly spineless.
alex: you are genuinley a nice person. you try way to hard to be nice to everyone. which is a good thing. i actually felt bad that your friends didnt like me. but hey they didnt like me and it deffinetly wasnt my fault. never did one thing to them and they just wanted to start shit. for w.e reason. im sure it had nothing to do with you. but still. how do you be friends with people who dont get along without not exactly being a friend? i mean if you said things to me about them...that would have to mean you say things about me to them. thats pretty neat-o. i hate that.
dave: i have nothing to say except what you already know.
so yeah i hate liers. i hate cheaters. i hate jealous people. i hate people who talk shit. and i hate people who are to stupid to stick up for themselves. im sorry im not one of those people who are going to sit back and watch people walk all over me. im assertive, im bold and im going to speak my mind whether you like it or not. my journal is my journal and if you dont like it then dont read it. and if i hate you your probably in it. so stop trying to fool anyone. if you dont care and i dont care theres no problem. if you dont like someone you dont like em. who really cares. im not going to pretend i like anyone. i dont play that game. but all of you do. so w.e fuck off. if you dont like me then good. im glad that you honestly spend that much time discusing me, talking about me, sending the gay little IM conversations to eachother. your all going to have to grow up. and i dont want to deal with your unecc. drama. i have better things to worry about then what a bunch of people who sit around and talk shit honestly think about me. cause i just told you what i honestly think about you and thats that. and believe me. i could have been a lot more honest. i have trust issues and as soon as i feel that i cant trust you well then i cant help it cause i will never trust you again. you dont know me or know anything about me. you all think you do and you can keep on thinking that. im glad you waste that much time. i really am.
so sorry about that for all of you people that arent interested in wicked gay bullshit.
monday
school. found out all the info on aynsleys game. met up later that day. met at nikkis with about 7 cars of people to follow up to the game in gardner. it was an interesting ride. downtown milford is the worst trying to follow that many people. so were on 495 and aynsley calls up heatha and says its snowing. so we got all excited and called erin cause she was having a family dinner for her bros birthday so she couldnt come. she was excited. she loves the snow haha. so we got about 10 min. into Bolton (about 10 min away from gardner) and aynsley calls to say the games cancelled. well this would be well and fine if we had all the cars phone numbers. but we didnt. so it took us about 10 min. but we got everyone to pull over. aynsley said the whole field was completly covered in snow. it sucked so bad. so we turned around and came home. i chilled for a while. watched a movie. and popcorn. and went to bed.
tuesday
SCHOOL. FOUND out aynsleys game was moved till today. i was excited cause i didnt want it to be wed. cause i had to work. then we went to erins and she talked to her mom about taking the jeep. so we piled shit in. went and picked up Luis. then left for the game. we had to pay to get in. it was complete shiiiit. haha. we bought hot chocolate. watched bmr and nipmuc. nipmuc of course cheated. they always have to win. suckers. so then we went back to the car to warm up. and then we had to go pee. so we went inside. mike and tyler and chris and marissa were in there. then we went outside and smoked and talked. weird. then we went back into the game. and it was so funny. tyler, mike and john and this other kid sean whos in like 10th grade were cocked out of their minds and tyler was like "why wont you fucking stand up? whos side are you on...not hopedale" hes like "i dont even like hopedale" he was just a mess. so then mrs alger yelled at him and he got even more mad. so him and mike sat infront of us bitching for 10 min. then johns like if we win were charging the field. we played against naragansett and won 3-2. it was so sweet. we charged the field. i ran out with my gimp. tyler and john fell over the fence. they were soooo gone and everyone knew it. then at the end we followed danielle back to the highway. it was a fun night.
wednesday
school. hung out with erin for a while. we went to my work. got hot cocoa. i forgot ice cubes. we burned our toungues. saw jason. jellys like "hunny what happen?" i was like i got hit by a mac truck. and he just staired at me. i had a feeling he didnt know what a mac truck is. lol. so then we said bye to Jason and Olney and left. then i came home. ate dinner. went to work. cat brought me some alcohol. then erin heatha and kelly swung by to get it. kevmac is the biggest "pimP" or so he thinks. we got out at 10:00 luckily. then i went home. waited for them to pick me up. then off to heathas to drink. played asshole. drank a little more. acted nutty. watched some movies. then went to bed.
thursday woke up. forgot it was a holiday and went to the bank. idiots. then we decided to get a quick basket cause were hungry and didnt have much time so we went to honey dew. lets just say we didnt get to the game exactly on time but we made it. we were the best fans. and our girls deserved to win. but in overtime (sudden death) nipmuc scored a point. i still love my aynsley to death. we got that far. we got a trophy. and were still number one. we beat the number 1 chair in the division. that makes us number one. not to mention nipmuc has to cheat to win. uhhhhh i hATE OUR RIVALS...so on the way home lets just say a green van didnt like us very much=) haha. i love us.
i went with cat to get her rook pierced but he was too busy so i think shes going back tomorrow. maybe ill go with her. i think me and cat are having a slumber party tomorrow night. like good old times=)
so then i got home after stopping for some food at mcd's. even though i hate that place with a passion. i went to heathas. and i just got home. and im really tired. we watched boys n the hood. i almost cried. lol. yeaaah. drank some...not a lot. i got to drive aynsleys car. your all jealous i knowwww.
so yeah im going to bed. senior skip day tomorrow.
mmmm drinkin the day away and partyin tomorrow night. and saturday night. agh...i just love it.
and i love my sweetie too<333
♥amandabeth
wake up and waste a day
chase away
a day at a time
and waste away
clean-faced today
clean taste today
toothpaste makes my
orange juice sour
waste an hour
or so
my shower
is slow
the flowers
that grow
outside of my window
are blooming
I'm assuming
that you're comin' over soon
it's almost half past four
and you called here at noon
'cause there's a picture
that you wanna see
now I'm not even good at
being me
anymore.
She got nicotine-basted
lungs
wasted thumbs
and one of them asphalt
tastin' tongues
she wakes up
to alarm
her make-up
is still on
and she can't remember
why she set the damn thing
her heart is a machine
art is meant to be seen
not felt
not heard
it's just paint
they're just words
and fingers are for feeling
fists are for beating
scabs are for healing
and blood is for bleeding
that's just how
I used to be
but I'm not even good at
being me
anymore.
I wake up and waste an hour
pace and glower
at the TV set wasting power
and aching in my head
I'm banking in the red
and compulsively charging cd's to my account
So come out
Virginia
Don't make me wait
You Catholic girls start much too late
now it's too late
in the day
for a matinee
and I ain't got the
money to pay
for you anyway
what should I say?
I know it ain't how it
used to be
but I'm not good
at being me
anymore.
for starters...
rob: oh rob. so much to say so little time to write it all down. when i first did meet you. i thought you were pretty nice. we got along pretty well. but what do you expect. then a couple years later i started hanging out with you again. outside of camp. which was alright at first. then you went out with alex. haha. this should be funny. lets see you started off normal, then you became a piece of shit. not to mention...i didnt want to let this slip...but since im being honest just like you...she soon informed us of your extremly small penis. OMG. and im a cunt? i guess now after reading this you have a right to call me a cunt. haha. and by the way. simon birch is a truely wonderful nickname. i just love it. i decided not to be friends with you anymore cause your a backstabber. and you talk about me behind my back. pretty gay.
kacey: i didnt like you at first. mainly because of laura. because shes a pathological lier. i cant stand liers. it annoys the shit out of me. but anyways. i honestly didnt think ud turn out to be a pathological lier. but anyways. besides the point. you were nice at first. but your pretty much just like everyone else. you have no personality. you cant stick up for anything or anyone. your like a spineless bitch. your one of those pretend bitches. i guess thats a good thing? nah. you decided that making your friends jealous instead of being a friend was more important. so i decided i dont need fake friends.
whos next?
jeff: poor jeff, always trying to fit in. well i guess since fitting in was always your biggest priority that friends dont really fit in there. especially when all the people im going to list here you talk shit about. just like everyone else. always like to pick on the person whos not there to defend themselves? why is that? oh its because your just like kacey. completly spineless.
alex: you are genuinley a nice person. you try way to hard to be nice to everyone. which is a good thing. i actually felt bad that your friends didnt like me. but hey they didnt like me and it deffinetly wasnt my fault. never did one thing to them and they just wanted to start shit. for w.e reason. im sure it had nothing to do with you. but still. how do you be friends with people who dont get along without not exactly being a friend? i mean if you said things to me about them...that would have to mean you say things about me to them. thats pretty neat-o. i hate that.
dave: i have nothing to say except what you already know.
so yeah i hate liers. i hate cheaters. i hate jealous people. i hate people who talk shit. and i hate people who are to stupid to stick up for themselves. im sorry im not one of those people who are going to sit back and watch people walk all over me. im assertive, im bold and im going to speak my mind whether you like it or not. my journal is my journal and if you dont like it then dont read it. and if i hate you your probably in it. so stop trying to fool anyone. if you dont care and i dont care theres no problem. if you dont like someone you dont like em. who really cares. im not going to pretend i like anyone. i dont play that game. but all of you do. so w.e fuck off. if you dont like me then good. im glad that you honestly spend that much time discusing me, talking about me, sending the gay little IM conversations to eachother. your all going to have to grow up. and i dont want to deal with your unecc. drama. i have better things to worry about then what a bunch of people who sit around and talk shit honestly think about me. cause i just told you what i honestly think about you and thats that. and believe me. i could have been a lot more honest. i have trust issues and as soon as i feel that i cant trust you well then i cant help it cause i will never trust you again. you dont know me or know anything about me. you all think you do and you can keep on thinking that. im glad you waste that much time. i really am.
so sorry about that for all of you people that arent interested in wicked gay bullshit.
monday
school. found out all the info on aynsleys game. met up later that day. met at nikkis with about 7 cars of people to follow up to the game in gardner. it was an interesting ride. downtown milford is the worst trying to follow that many people. so were on 495 and aynsley calls up heatha and says its snowing. so we got all excited and called erin cause she was having a family dinner for her bros birthday so she couldnt come. she was excited. she loves the snow haha. so we got about 10 min. into Bolton (about 10 min away from gardner) and aynsley calls to say the games cancelled. well this would be well and fine if we had all the cars phone numbers. but we didnt. so it took us about 10 min. but we got everyone to pull over. aynsley said the whole field was completly covered in snow. it sucked so bad. so we turned around and came home. i chilled for a while. watched a movie. and popcorn. and went to bed.
tuesday
SCHOOL. FOUND out aynsleys game was moved till today. i was excited cause i didnt want it to be wed. cause i had to work. then we went to erins and she talked to her mom about taking the jeep. so we piled shit in. went and picked up Luis. then left for the game. we had to pay to get in. it was complete shiiiit. haha. we bought hot chocolate. watched bmr and nipmuc. nipmuc of course cheated. they always have to win. suckers. so then we went back to the car to warm up. and then we had to go pee. so we went inside. mike and tyler and chris and marissa were in there. then we went outside and smoked and talked. weird. then we went back into the game. and it was so funny. tyler, mike and john and this other kid sean whos in like 10th grade were cocked out of their minds and tyler was like "why wont you fucking stand up? whos side are you on...not hopedale" hes like "i dont even like hopedale" he was just a mess. so then mrs alger yelled at him and he got even more mad. so him and mike sat infront of us bitching for 10 min. then johns like if we win were charging the field. we played against naragansett and won 3-2. it was so sweet. we charged the field. i ran out with my gimp. tyler and john fell over the fence. they were soooo gone and everyone knew it. then at the end we followed danielle back to the highway. it was a fun night.
wednesday
school. hung out with erin for a while. we went to my work. got hot cocoa. i forgot ice cubes. we burned our toungues. saw jason. jellys like "hunny what happen?" i was like i got hit by a mac truck. and he just staired at me. i had a feeling he didnt know what a mac truck is. lol. so then we said bye to Jason and Olney and left. then i came home. ate dinner. went to work. cat brought me some alcohol. then erin heatha and kelly swung by to get it. kevmac is the biggest "pimP" or so he thinks. we got out at 10:00 luckily. then i went home. waited for them to pick me up. then off to heathas to drink. played asshole. drank a little more. acted nutty. watched some movies. then went to bed.
thursday woke up. forgot it was a holiday and went to the bank. idiots. then we decided to get a quick basket cause were hungry and didnt have much time so we went to honey dew. lets just say we didnt get to the game exactly on time but we made it. we were the best fans. and our girls deserved to win. but in overtime (sudden death) nipmuc scored a point. i still love my aynsley to death. we got that far. we got a trophy. and were still number one. we beat the number 1 chair in the division. that makes us number one. not to mention nipmuc has to cheat to win. uhhhhh i hATE OUR RIVALS...so on the way home lets just say a green van didnt like us very much=) haha. i love us.
i went with cat to get her rook pierced but he was too busy so i think shes going back tomorrow. maybe ill go with her. i think me and cat are having a slumber party tomorrow night. like good old times=)
so then i got home after stopping for some food at mcd's. even though i hate that place with a passion. i went to heathas. and i just got home. and im really tired. we watched boys n the hood. i almost cried. lol. yeaaah. drank some...not a lot. i got to drive aynsleys car. your all jealous i knowwww.
so yeah im going to bed. senior skip day tomorrow.
mmmm drinkin the day away and partyin tomorrow night. and saturday night. agh...i just love it.
and i love my sweetie too<333
♥amandabeth
wake up and waste a day
chase away
a day at a time
and waste away
clean-faced today
clean taste today
toothpaste makes my
orange juice sour
waste an hour
or so
my shower
is slow
the flowers
that grow
outside of my window
are blooming
I'm assuming
that you're comin' over soon
it's almost half past four
and you called here at noon
'cause there's a picture
that you wanna see
now I'm not even good at
being me
anymore.
She got nicotine-basted
lungs
wasted thumbs
and one of them asphalt
tastin' tongues
she wakes up
to alarm
her make-up
is still on
and she can't remember
why she set the damn thing
her heart is a machine
art is meant to be seen
not felt
not heard
it's just paint
they're just words
and fingers are for feeling
fists are for beating
scabs are for healing
and blood is for bleeding
that's just how
I used to be
but I'm not even good at
being me
anymore.
I wake up and waste an hour
pace and glower
at the TV set wasting power
and aching in my head
I'm banking in the red
and compulsively charging cd's to my account
So come out
Virginia
Don't make me wait
You Catholic girls start much too late
now it's too late
in the day
for a matinee
and I ain't got the
money to pay
for you anyway
what should I say?
I know it ain't how it
used to be
but I'm not good
at being me
anymore.