Stuck
I hate being pulled in multiple directions, having to sort out priority on many pressing matters.
Some are strategic rational, some are physical to-do lists, other are distractions, who knows which
is which? The complication being that these things rely on the weight of others and their thoughts,
beliefs and doings. Most of them have become non-respondent and distant in the past two years.
[Spoiler (click to open)]UGH
I won’t even belabor myself with the list of what troubles me. In the end who will give a fuck whether I do or die? I see other friends and acquaintances going through this too. Which is neither here nor there, I can’t speak for them, only accept where they are at with their story. Yesterday we had guests over, a journalist and activist we met a couple of years back when this shitshow began. Only now have we made the effort to get together for a backyard BBQ to get to know one another better as friends. Although I can relate to them, I’m not certain I want to. I find him fascinating for all his expressed travels and experiences, and insight into past and present times. She is a bit of a frenetic dust bunny, who love over-helping, such as on the clean up. I like to go at my own comfortable pace. I don’t invite this kind of pressure as GF seems to want to. GF is presently enough for me, yet these acquaintances come with the package. Along with her loving abundant beauty, we get these crossovers into life’s full menagerie. She is more of a social being than I. I need my quiet time, to think, to feel, to comprehend, to choose what to do next. I’m a fixed sign. The stars don’t change much around me, albeit they may be few and far between.
In one of my moments of clarity, I came to the conclusion that anything and anyone is candidate for my attention, if just to listen. Clearly I feel I have little to say about anything. I’m no mind reader, nor do I pretend to know much about anything. I do know I enjoy listening to music. It calms me, soothes me and helps me feel real, in my own breath and present to nothing, which is where I’ve been mostly. It helps me expand my moment, to take in what is present. C’est la vie!
As you may surmise, I am feeling mighty low lately, like my energy is stuck in some limbo of slow depression. I have no idea what can pull me out of this funk. Things I used to enjoy now just anger me and give me more anxiety. The first thing usually helps is just to acknowledge it. On a spiritual realm I practice prayer and meditation, compassion and gratitude, but it would seem I have no clue what actually becomes of this. In real life I do my best to be in the moment and not upset the apple cart, when there is no need for it. As a creative, I am often dealing with abstract issues and concepts, trying to join the pieces of a puzzle of life so to speak. For instance, being inspired to paint or write, rely on a particular set of constructs, which may or may not be possible in that particular moment in which I intuit. I feel frustration, anger, disappointment, anxiety, and sometimes can’t form a first step from which to proceed. I’m stuck, just like Charles Thompson stays, I’m a stuckist. I don’t even have the energy to be pissed off or speak, nor the clarity of what is happening. I feel I have no idea what is wrong with me. I’m suffering from modern times imho.
So, do I go down that rabbithole today? I certainly feel "Stuck"
https://www.stuckism.com/stuckistmanifesto.html
Gone for coffee...
Maria Karevskaya - Dressed up for coffee
C’est la vie!
dr. π (pi)
.
Some are strategic rational, some are physical to-do lists, other are distractions, who knows which
is which? The complication being that these things rely on the weight of others and their thoughts,
beliefs and doings. Most of them have become non-respondent and distant in the past two years.
[Spoiler (click to open)]UGH
I won’t even belabor myself with the list of what troubles me. In the end who will give a fuck whether I do or die? I see other friends and acquaintances going through this too. Which is neither here nor there, I can’t speak for them, only accept where they are at with their story. Yesterday we had guests over, a journalist and activist we met a couple of years back when this shitshow began. Only now have we made the effort to get together for a backyard BBQ to get to know one another better as friends. Although I can relate to them, I’m not certain I want to. I find him fascinating for all his expressed travels and experiences, and insight into past and present times. She is a bit of a frenetic dust bunny, who love over-helping, such as on the clean up. I like to go at my own comfortable pace. I don’t invite this kind of pressure as GF seems to want to. GF is presently enough for me, yet these acquaintances come with the package. Along with her loving abundant beauty, we get these crossovers into life’s full menagerie. She is more of a social being than I. I need my quiet time, to think, to feel, to comprehend, to choose what to do next. I’m a fixed sign. The stars don’t change much around me, albeit they may be few and far between.
In one of my moments of clarity, I came to the conclusion that anything and anyone is candidate for my attention, if just to listen. Clearly I feel I have little to say about anything. I’m no mind reader, nor do I pretend to know much about anything. I do know I enjoy listening to music. It calms me, soothes me and helps me feel real, in my own breath and present to nothing, which is where I’ve been mostly. It helps me expand my moment, to take in what is present. C’est la vie!
As you may surmise, I am feeling mighty low lately, like my energy is stuck in some limbo of slow depression. I have no idea what can pull me out of this funk. Things I used to enjoy now just anger me and give me more anxiety. The first thing usually helps is just to acknowledge it. On a spiritual realm I practice prayer and meditation, compassion and gratitude, but it would seem I have no clue what actually becomes of this. In real life I do my best to be in the moment and not upset the apple cart, when there is no need for it. As a creative, I am often dealing with abstract issues and concepts, trying to join the pieces of a puzzle of life so to speak. For instance, being inspired to paint or write, rely on a particular set of constructs, which may or may not be possible in that particular moment in which I intuit. I feel frustration, anger, disappointment, anxiety, and sometimes can’t form a first step from which to proceed. I’m stuck, just like Charles Thompson stays, I’m a stuckist. I don’t even have the energy to be pissed off or speak, nor the clarity of what is happening. I feel I have no idea what is wrong with me. I’m suffering from modern times imho.
So, do I go down that rabbithole today? I certainly feel "Stuck"
https://www.stuckism.com/stuckistmanifesto.html
Gone for coffee...
Maria Karevskaya - Dressed up for coffee
C’est la vie!
dr. π (pi)
.