Beautiful Disaster
Noah Puckerman doesn’t worry about too many things. He isn’t very invested in other people, and half of the time he couldn’t tell you who in the Glee club is dating who.
He does know anything and everything about what’s going on in Rachel’s life, however, because she comes over every other night to spend time with his mom (seriously, his mom) and never shuts up about her dramatic episodes with Finn. He swears they could be a couple on a TV show. It bugs the crap out of him.
(He tells himself it’s not because he’s jealous.)
He goes along with her crazy ideas (Need You Now, anyone?) and she goes along with his (although he will never suggest she throw a party ever again). As he sits in the choir room next to Lauren surrounded by dead silence and looking a tearful Rachel Berry straight in the eye, he realizes that maybe she knows everything that’s going on in his life, too. Maybe she knows the things he didn’t even know.
When Rachel stood at the beginning of practice with a, “Mr. Schue, if I may,” no one batted an eye. Noah figured it would be yet another song to Finn (or maybe even that revenge song that Taylor Swift sings directed at Quinn) and tuned out a bit, ignoring whatever insult Lauren was muttering under her breath about Berry.
The band starts playing but Rachel turns quickly to send them all a glare and the music stops as quickly as it had started. This gets everyone’s attention.
“Rachel, what-“
“Sorry, Mr. Schue. There’s just something I want to say before I sing this,” Rachel says softly, speaking to Schue but loudly enough for everyone to hear. Mr. Schue nods that contemplative look he gets upon his face. “This is one of my favorite songs. It’s always reminded me of someone, has always helped me to keep my faith in this person.
“Right now, though, that person needs to hear this so he can have faith in himself.” She pauses for a moment and looks down at the floor. She seems almost shy, embarrassed to say the things she’s saying. Noah watches as she lifts her head and looks him in the eye.
“You deserve the world,” she says, “you really do. But you’re not getting it from her.”
Noah’s stomach clenches. He senses Lauren doing something- acting in some way, but he can’t pull his eyes away from Rachel. The music has started again and she’s singing, singing about him (he can’t help but think back to Sweet Caroline), singing to him, and Lauren could punch him in the balls for all he cares because Rachel Berry is the only person who has faith in him.
He drowns in his dreams,
an exquisite extreme, I know.
He’s as damned as he seems,
And more Heaven than a heart could hold.
And if I try to save him, my whole world could cave in.
It just ain’t right.
Oh, and I don’t know,
I don’t know what he’s after.
But he’s so beautiful,
such a beautiful disaster.
And if I could hold on,
through the tears and the laughter,
would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
Rachel’s eyes are shining and Noah’s hands are sweating. Rachel keeps singing.
He’s magic and myth,
as strong as what I believe.
A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see.
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him.
Hold on tight.
She starts the chorus again and the corners of her mouth seem to be slowly curving upward. Noah realizes a second later that he’s wearing a smile of his own. He isn’t even aware of Lauren anymore.
I’m longing for love and the logical,
but he’s only happy, hysterical.
I’m searching for some kind of miracle,
waiting so long.
The music slows a bit and Rachel’s voice softens. She’s smiling widely now, eyes shining with tears. Noah has never been so happy to have anyone in his life.
He’s soft to the touch,
but frayed at the ends he breaks.
He’s never enough,
but still he’s more than I take.
Noah doesn’t really know why, but he’s laughing, a real laugh, the kind he hasn’t felt in so long. Rachel wipes at one of her eyes as she goes through the chorus a final time,; Noah feels like she’s staring into his soul.
He’s so beautiful,
Such a beautiful disaster.
He does know anything and everything about what’s going on in Rachel’s life, however, because she comes over every other night to spend time with his mom (seriously, his mom) and never shuts up about her dramatic episodes with Finn. He swears they could be a couple on a TV show. It bugs the crap out of him.
(He tells himself it’s not because he’s jealous.)
He goes along with her crazy ideas (Need You Now, anyone?) and she goes along with his (although he will never suggest she throw a party ever again). As he sits in the choir room next to Lauren surrounded by dead silence and looking a tearful Rachel Berry straight in the eye, he realizes that maybe she knows everything that’s going on in his life, too. Maybe she knows the things he didn’t even know.
When Rachel stood at the beginning of practice with a, “Mr. Schue, if I may,” no one batted an eye. Noah figured it would be yet another song to Finn (or maybe even that revenge song that Taylor Swift sings directed at Quinn) and tuned out a bit, ignoring whatever insult Lauren was muttering under her breath about Berry.
The band starts playing but Rachel turns quickly to send them all a glare and the music stops as quickly as it had started. This gets everyone’s attention.
“Rachel, what-“
“Sorry, Mr. Schue. There’s just something I want to say before I sing this,” Rachel says softly, speaking to Schue but loudly enough for everyone to hear. Mr. Schue nods that contemplative look he gets upon his face. “This is one of my favorite songs. It’s always reminded me of someone, has always helped me to keep my faith in this person.
“Right now, though, that person needs to hear this so he can have faith in himself.” She pauses for a moment and looks down at the floor. She seems almost shy, embarrassed to say the things she’s saying. Noah watches as she lifts her head and looks him in the eye.
“You deserve the world,” she says, “you really do. But you’re not getting it from her.”
Noah’s stomach clenches. He senses Lauren doing something- acting in some way, but he can’t pull his eyes away from Rachel. The music has started again and she’s singing, singing about him (he can’t help but think back to Sweet Caroline), singing to him, and Lauren could punch him in the balls for all he cares because Rachel Berry is the only person who has faith in him.
He drowns in his dreams,
an exquisite extreme, I know.
He’s as damned as he seems,
And more Heaven than a heart could hold.
And if I try to save him, my whole world could cave in.
It just ain’t right.
Oh, and I don’t know,
I don’t know what he’s after.
But he’s so beautiful,
such a beautiful disaster.
And if I could hold on,
through the tears and the laughter,
would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
Rachel’s eyes are shining and Noah’s hands are sweating. Rachel keeps singing.
He’s magic and myth,
as strong as what I believe.
A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see.
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him.
Hold on tight.
She starts the chorus again and the corners of her mouth seem to be slowly curving upward. Noah realizes a second later that he’s wearing a smile of his own. He isn’t even aware of Lauren anymore.
I’m longing for love and the logical,
but he’s only happy, hysterical.
I’m searching for some kind of miracle,
waiting so long.
The music slows a bit and Rachel’s voice softens. She’s smiling widely now, eyes shining with tears. Noah has never been so happy to have anyone in his life.
He’s soft to the touch,
but frayed at the ends he breaks.
He’s never enough,
but still he’s more than I take.
Noah doesn’t really know why, but he’s laughing, a real laugh, the kind he hasn’t felt in so long. Rachel wipes at one of her eyes as she goes through the chorus a final time,; Noah feels like she’s staring into his soul.
He’s so beautiful,
Such a beautiful disaster.