HOME GAME: INTRODUCTION
HI HELLO THIS IS LITTLE PIG I AM A GUINEA PIG THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME EATING HAY
I LIKE HAY VERY MUCH AND ALSO I HAVE THE PINKEST NOSE IT'S ABSOLUTELY THE PINKEST
I AM GOOD AT BEING A GUINEA PIG I POPCORN A LOT WHICH MEANS THAT I JUMP IN THE AIR AND SHAKE MY HEAD AND FEET AND RUMPY-RUMP AROUND A LOT BUT I'M THE POPCORN CHAMPION SOMETIMES I SPIN AROUND THE WHOLE WAY IN THE AIR I CAN GET SOME SERIOUS LIFT BECAUSE I'M PRETTY AERODYNAMIC WHAT WITH MY MAJESTIC BUTTFLUFF AND ALL
OH THAT'S RIGHT I'M A LONG-HAIRED GUINEA PIG I HAVE VERY CURLY HAIR AND WHEN I WAS A BABY I WAS A BALL OF SENTIENT FLUFF BUT THE BEST PART IS MY BUTTFLUFF TRULY BECAUSE ITS AMAZING IF YOU SAW IT IN REAL LIFE YOU WOULD FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND CRY WITH THE JOY OF HAVING SUCH A MAGNIFICENT BUTTFLUFF EXPERIENCE I AM LITTLE PIG AND I DO BUTTFLUFF PROPERLY
I'M ALSO A VERY FAMOUS GUINEA PIG AND YOU MAY KNOW ME BY ONE OF MY OTHER IDENTITIES:
I AM ALSO KNOWN FOR MY HIGH-PROFILE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GUINEA PIG STARLET NAMED CASHEW WHO IS BEST KNOWN FOR HER GROUNDBREAKING ROLE ON THE SERIES HOUSE OF CARDS WE ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED SOMEDAY AND OUR CHILDREN WILL BE SO ADORABLE THAT THE ENTIRE INTERNET WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I'M WRITING THIS FROM THE PIG-O-NET WHICH IS BASICALLY THE INTERNET FOR GUINEA PIGS AND AL GORE IS NOT WELCOME HERE SO DON'T WORRY I'LL STILL BE ABLE TO POST
I AM LITTLE PIG AND I LIVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND GROUCHO AND TWO PEOPLEHUMANS IN SOME PLACE CALLED WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA WE ALL USED TO LIVE IN A CITY BUT WE DON'T ANYMORE AND I MISS TALKING TO THE PIGEONS SOMETIMES GROUCHO IS MEAN TO ME AND WON'T LET ME IN THE PIGLOO AND SOMETIMES THE PEOPLEHUMANS ARE EVEN MEANER BECAUSE THEY GIVE ME BATHS AND RUN THE VACUUM AND LIMIT MY CARROT INTAKE AND BRUSH MY BUTTFLUFF BUT THEN AGAIN THE PEOPLEHUMANS BRING ME FRESH DANDELIONS AN AWFUL LOT AND FRESH DANDELIONS ARE GOOD ESPECIALLY THE STEMS I LIKE THE STEMS BECAUSE I AM LITTLE PIG AND SOMETIMES THEY GIVE ME CHIN SCRATCHES TOO
I AM VERY FRIENDLY AND AM BESTFRIENDS WITH EVERYONE SOME OF MY BESTFRIENDS INCLUDE GROUCHO, CASHEW, ALL BIRDS EVERYWHERE, ORANGECAT, THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST GUY, MICK JAGGER, THE SCRUBBING BUBBLES, WILFORD BRIMLEY AND ESPECIALLY MORRIS WHO IS A DOG IN AUSTRALIA WHO TAKES CARE OF MY KOALA FRIENDS AND SOMETIMES SMUGGLES ME BLUEBERRIES THROUGH CUSTOMS
ACTUALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE I AM NOT BESTFRIENDS WITH ARE MERINO GUINEA PIGS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL JERKS EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM AND I HATE THEM THE PEOPLELADY THINKS IT'S FUNNY TO SHOW ME YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF MERINO GUINEA PIGS AND I RUMBLE AND CHITTER AT EACH AND EVERY ONE WHY IS THAT FUNNY PEOPLELADY WHY DO YOU LAUGH AT MY RAGE WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TERRIBLE MERINO PIGS ARE JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY INVADE JUST WAIT ANYWAY I'M COOL WITH ALL OTHER TYPES OF GUINEA PIGS THOUGH
I WRITE IN CAPS LOCK ALL THE TIME BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN PROPERLY CONVEY HOW HAPPY I AM AND HOW EXITED I AM THAT YOU'RE MY FRIEND HOORAY CAPS LOCK PARTIES EVERY DAY *popcorn*
I ALSO LIKE TO PRETEND THAT I'M A TURTLE AND I ACCOMPLISH THIS BY CAREFULLY BALANCING THE PIGLOO ON MY BACK AND INCHING ALONG THE PEOPLEHUMANS CALL THIS THE "RECREATIONAL PIGLOO" BUT NO I'M A TURTLEPIG PEOPLEHUMANS ARE DUMB SOMETIMES BUT IT'S OKAY THEY TRY
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE I TUCKER MYSELF OUT QUITE A BIT SO I TAKE FREQUENT NAPS AND I ALSO KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING HYDRATED IN FACT I AM THE C.E.O. OF PIGCO AND WE SELL BOTTLED TURTLE WATER WHICH IS WATER WITH A TINY TURTLE FLOATING AROUND IN IT AND THUS CAPTURES THE DELIGHTFUL ESSENCE OF TURTLE GROUCHO IS THE C.E.O. OF GROUCHCORP AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO ATTEMPT A HOSTILE TAKEOVER OF MY TURTLE WATER SUBSIDIARY BUT I WON'T LET HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT PUTTING OUT A QUALITY PRODUCT LIKE I DO
ANYWAY I HAVE TO GO WRITE MY OTHER ENTRY BUT PROBABLY TAKE A NAP TOO THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
I LIKE HAY VERY MUCH AND ALSO I HAVE THE PINKEST NOSE IT'S ABSOLUTELY THE PINKEST
I AM GOOD AT BEING A GUINEA PIG I POPCORN A LOT WHICH MEANS THAT I JUMP IN THE AIR AND SHAKE MY HEAD AND FEET AND RUMPY-RUMP AROUND A LOT BUT I'M THE POPCORN CHAMPION SOMETIMES I SPIN AROUND THE WHOLE WAY IN THE AIR I CAN GET SOME SERIOUS LIFT BECAUSE I'M PRETTY AERODYNAMIC WHAT WITH MY MAJESTIC BUTTFLUFF AND ALL
OH THAT'S RIGHT I'M A LONG-HAIRED GUINEA PIG I HAVE VERY CURLY HAIR AND WHEN I WAS A BABY I WAS A BALL OF SENTIENT FLUFF BUT THE BEST PART IS MY BUTTFLUFF TRULY BECAUSE ITS AMAZING IF YOU SAW IT IN REAL LIFE YOU WOULD FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND CRY WITH THE JOY OF HAVING SUCH A MAGNIFICENT BUTTFLUFF EXPERIENCE I AM LITTLE PIG AND I DO BUTTFLUFF PROPERLY
I'M ALSO A VERY FAMOUS GUINEA PIG AND YOU MAY KNOW ME BY ONE OF MY OTHER IDENTITIES:
- PROFESSOR PIGGINGTON - I AM PROFESSOR OF BIRDS AT A UNIVERSITY I AM THE BEST PROFESSOR BECAUSE I AM SMART
- OLYMPAPIG - I WON THE OLYMPICS THE ENTIRE OLYMPICS I BRING GREAT HONOR TO GUINEA PIGS EVERYWHERE
- REPUBLIPIG - IT IS MY DREAM TO HAVE A CONSERVATIVE TALK RADIO SHOW AND ONCE I PERSONALLY SHUT DOWN CONGRESS I PUSHED THE BIG RED BUTTON AND EVERYTHING
- HEISENPIG - I REALLY ENJOY BREAKING BAD IT IS A GOOD SHOW
- PIGGY LEE ROTH - BE SURE TO LOOK FOR MY NEW SINGLE "RUNNIN' FROM THE SWEEPER" I ALSO LIKE WEARING A LOT OF SPANDEX
- HELPER PIG - IT IS MY DREAM TO BE A CELEBRITY CHEF AND HAND UTENSILS TO OTHER CELEBRITY CHEFS LIKE WHISKS AND SPOONS AND I AM A GOOD HELPER
- DJ DROP BEAR - I LIKE TO DROP THE BASS FOR MY KOALA FRIENDS
- LORD PIGGINGTON III - I PLAY THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THE HISTORICAL DRAMA DOWNTON PIGGY
I AM ALSO KNOWN FOR MY HIGH-PROFILE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GUINEA PIG STARLET NAMED CASHEW WHO IS BEST KNOWN FOR HER GROUNDBREAKING ROLE ON THE SERIES HOUSE OF CARDS WE ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED SOMEDAY AND OUR CHILDREN WILL BE SO ADORABLE THAT THE ENTIRE INTERNET WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I'M WRITING THIS FROM THE PIG-O-NET WHICH IS BASICALLY THE INTERNET FOR GUINEA PIGS AND AL GORE IS NOT WELCOME HERE SO DON'T WORRY I'LL STILL BE ABLE TO POST
I AM LITTLE PIG AND I LIVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND GROUCHO AND TWO PEOPLEHUMANS IN SOME PLACE CALLED WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA WE ALL USED TO LIVE IN A CITY BUT WE DON'T ANYMORE AND I MISS TALKING TO THE PIGEONS SOMETIMES GROUCHO IS MEAN TO ME AND WON'T LET ME IN THE PIGLOO AND SOMETIMES THE PEOPLEHUMANS ARE EVEN MEANER BECAUSE THEY GIVE ME BATHS AND RUN THE VACUUM AND LIMIT MY CARROT INTAKE AND BRUSH MY BUTTFLUFF BUT THEN AGAIN THE PEOPLEHUMANS BRING ME FRESH DANDELIONS AN AWFUL LOT AND FRESH DANDELIONS ARE GOOD ESPECIALLY THE STEMS I LIKE THE STEMS BECAUSE I AM LITTLE PIG AND SOMETIMES THEY GIVE ME CHIN SCRATCHES TOO
I AM VERY FRIENDLY AND AM BESTFRIENDS WITH EVERYONE SOME OF MY BESTFRIENDS INCLUDE GROUCHO, CASHEW, ALL BIRDS EVERYWHERE, ORANGECAT, THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST GUY, MICK JAGGER, THE SCRUBBING BUBBLES, WILFORD BRIMLEY AND ESPECIALLY MORRIS WHO IS A DOG IN AUSTRALIA WHO TAKES CARE OF MY KOALA FRIENDS AND SOMETIMES SMUGGLES ME BLUEBERRIES THROUGH CUSTOMS
ACTUALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE I AM NOT BESTFRIENDS WITH ARE MERINO GUINEA PIGS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL JERKS EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM AND I HATE THEM THE PEOPLELADY THINKS IT'S FUNNY TO SHOW ME YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF MERINO GUINEA PIGS AND I RUMBLE AND CHITTER AT EACH AND EVERY ONE WHY IS THAT FUNNY PEOPLELADY WHY DO YOU LAUGH AT MY RAGE WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TERRIBLE MERINO PIGS ARE JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY INVADE JUST WAIT ANYWAY I'M COOL WITH ALL OTHER TYPES OF GUINEA PIGS THOUGH
I WRITE IN CAPS LOCK ALL THE TIME BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN PROPERLY CONVEY HOW HAPPY I AM AND HOW EXITED I AM THAT YOU'RE MY FRIEND HOORAY CAPS LOCK PARTIES EVERY DAY *popcorn*
I ALSO LIKE TO PRETEND THAT I'M A TURTLE AND I ACCOMPLISH THIS BY CAREFULLY BALANCING THE PIGLOO ON MY BACK AND INCHING ALONG THE PEOPLEHUMANS CALL THIS THE "RECREATIONAL PIGLOO" BUT NO I'M A TURTLEPIG PEOPLEHUMANS ARE DUMB SOMETIMES BUT IT'S OKAY THEY TRY
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE I TUCKER MYSELF OUT QUITE A BIT SO I TAKE FREQUENT NAPS AND I ALSO KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING HYDRATED IN FACT I AM THE C.E.O. OF PIGCO AND WE SELL BOTTLED TURTLE WATER WHICH IS WATER WITH A TINY TURTLE FLOATING AROUND IN IT AND THUS CAPTURES THE DELIGHTFUL ESSENCE OF TURTLE GROUCHO IS THE C.E.O. OF GROUCHCORP AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO ATTEMPT A HOSTILE TAKEOVER OF MY TURTLE WATER SUBSIDIARY BUT I WON'T LET HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT PUTTING OUT A QUALITY PRODUCT LIKE I DO
ANYWAY I HAVE TO GO WRITE MY OTHER ENTRY BUT PROBABLY TAKE A NAP TOO THANK YOU I LOVE YOU