Star
Today I earned my first star at work. Normally I could care less about the employee recognition programs of big companies, but I really like where I work. It's not the place as much as the people I work with. It's nice to have a reason to get out of bed everyday. For a while I was too depressed to move. It was strange, I would have days of restlessness where I couldn't sit still or go home. When my friends weren't around, I would drive aimlessly up and down interstate 89 until I was too tired to see the lines on the road. When I tried to sleep I couldn't. My head would be spinning from thoughts of Matt. I felt sick to my stomach constantly. Nothing could shake the indescribable pain I felt during those long months. I dropped to an unhealthy weight because I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. I cried constantly, it didn't matter where I was: a restaurant, at work, at the grocery store, in my car. The tears were frequent and uncontrollable. Then, I went through a phase where all I wanted to do was shut myself away and sleep. I didn't work for weeks. I decided after a while to try medication. I realized I needed something to help me get through the days. Nothing worked. I found something to take the edge off my anxiety, but nothing was helping with the incessant feelings of despair. Even now, as I am going off the pills, I'm starting to feel like myself again.