Fic: "The Romantic Trails of TODD", Criminal Intent
I can't believe I wrote this. I blame the sickness and familyarchives's insistance I do so.
TITLE: The Romantic Trials of TODD
FANDOM: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf's, not mine.
The Romantic Trials of TODD
by Piecesof
NOTES: This was supposed to be funny. Huh. DAMN YOU, TODD, FOR HAVING A SOUL.
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For familyarchives.
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The first time Todd was kissed, it was by Sharon Peters in third grade.
"TODD!"
Smack.
Somehow, he didn't think their heads cracking together and the black eye he had afterwards made it the most successful of attempts.
---
The second time Todd was Frenched, he initiated it.
Under the bleachers, six years after his first. Kelly Branson, whose bra he'd snapped in an attempt to show his affection, let him put his tongue in her mouth like his next door neighbour had shown him.
It was awesome, until she told the teacher and he had detention for a week.
---
The third time Todd got laid, he ended up marrying the girl.
Elizabeth Spears, with hair down to her waist and a figure like a pear. She'd taken him on, in a haze of drunkeness, and for the first time he remembered the climax in the morning.
He gulped and sweated in his tux, as he stood at the alter and tried not to look at her six-month bulging stomach.
---
The fourth time Todd got married, it was to someone else's wife.
Deidre Ross. He'd met her at work, as she sat crying in her cubicle with a phone in her hand because her husband was off catching bad guys.
He can't remember when coffee turned to sex, or sex turned to "I'm leaving my husband for you", but he remembers the fist of Captain Danny Ross, and he remembers the black eye.
As he pressed cold peas to his face in an attempt to stop the swelling, Todd couldn't help but think how everything comes full circle in the end.
---
Fin.
----
OH TODD. You're the greatest character since...uh...I'll get back to you on that.
TITLE: The Romantic Trials of TODD
FANDOM: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf's, not mine.
The Romantic Trials of TODD
by Piecesof
NOTES: This was supposed to be funny. Huh. DAMN YOU, TODD, FOR HAVING A SOUL.
-----
For familyarchives.
----
The first time Todd was kissed, it was by Sharon Peters in third grade.
"TODD!"
Smack.
Somehow, he didn't think their heads cracking together and the black eye he had afterwards made it the most successful of attempts.
---
The second time Todd was Frenched, he initiated it.
Under the bleachers, six years after his first. Kelly Branson, whose bra he'd snapped in an attempt to show his affection, let him put his tongue in her mouth like his next door neighbour had shown him.
It was awesome, until she told the teacher and he had detention for a week.
---
The third time Todd got laid, he ended up marrying the girl.
Elizabeth Spears, with hair down to her waist and a figure like a pear. She'd taken him on, in a haze of drunkeness, and for the first time he remembered the climax in the morning.
He gulped and sweated in his tux, as he stood at the alter and tried not to look at her six-month bulging stomach.
---
The fourth time Todd got married, it was to someone else's wife.
Deidre Ross. He'd met her at work, as she sat crying in her cubicle with a phone in her hand because her husband was off catching bad guys.
He can't remember when coffee turned to sex, or sex turned to "I'm leaving my husband for you", but he remembers the fist of Captain Danny Ross, and he remembers the black eye.
As he pressed cold peas to his face in an attempt to stop the swelling, Todd couldn't help but think how everything comes full circle in the end.
---
Fin.
----
OH TODD. You're the greatest character since...uh...I'll get back to you on that.