i'll pretend i'm healthy, that everything is fine - "The War at Home"
Only a week late - oh, no, actually, about five episodes late - but, ladies and gentlemen! It's the...
Law & Order: Criminal Intent Episode Round-Up!
(For the episode "The War at Home", or "The One with Fran Drescher and Goren's Mum")
I know I haven't done one of these since the season opener, but this little episode, in one forty-odd minute block, kindly took five and a bit seasons of canon and threw it in the air while yelling "WAHOO!" Thus, it gets recappage - and I promise, I'll go back and do the others (hello, 'Liza & The Blue Horsey' ep, anyone?), if only for atlashrugged. But to the recappage!
Previously on CI: Goren wandered around, Eames got kidnapped, Captain Bitch, Please was awesome and I ignored Chris Noth. Oh, and Ma Goren was crazy and Bobby hated his brother, fo' realz.
We open on a happy family playing house. It's Fran Fine! And Robocop! Married at last! Robocop then wanders upstairs to find his daughter, Amanda (!), is missing. (Okay, IMDB.com tells me he's not Robocop, but is Kyle from The Terminator and was in Aliens. Same diff.)
Captain Bitch, Please is having dinner with his wide-eyed children and hates Todd.
This is Todd.
The Captain hates him.
Luckily, he's saved from the WRATH OF TODD by his phone ringing, telling him Fran and Robocop's daughter is gone. Much like...
...Eames, who is surrounded by creepy children in costumes. HAY, there's the nephew she gave birth to. And I bet that long haired hippy kid is Carson Kinney-Erbe. She looks cranky, but resigned, because at least she doesn't have to spend the holiday listening to her sister bitch about how she's the "misunderstood" one who has love handles even though it was Alex who gave birth to her freakin' kid.
Same same at Casa de Goren, or Carmel Ridge. Ma G gives 'TUDE and Bobby slinks off to the crime scene.
After Goren arrives late, The Gang have some coffee with Fran and find out that Amanda, for all her clean, Army ways, was actually burning the affair candle bright. Oh, and Robocop? Is actually the Commissioner. Yo! People lie to The Gang, The Gang find out, then The Gang find the Major Giveaway Clue - Amanda's very new looking VW Beetle in the bush.
Can you say "MASSIVE MAN HUNT"?
Robocop refuses to believe his daughter is a "bitch or slut". She's engaged, dammit!
Goren's Ma's Doctor calls. Eames, annoyed by his ringtone, tells him to piss off.
Ma waffles on about how no-one wants to help her, that Bobby's a big liar and he doesn't care. Bobby's head explodes.
This maybe because Goren is on his phone trying to work. On a cellular phone. In a hospital. Needless to say, Ma nags some more. Bobby's neck explodes.
"OMG MOM." The remaining part of Bobby explodes.
Back at The Massive Man Hunt, Eames finds some knickers. These are a part of a trail of Amanda's clothing, including a bra that I'm pretty sure I own.
Captain Bitch, Please tries to hide from THE WRATH OF TODD, despite him being a million miles away and a weenie. He pretends to do work, by telling Eames to get her partner back here, LOL, he's needed.
Bored with the case, Goren and Eames go to marriage counselling.
EAMES: "You're an emotional sociopath, you put books in the toilet and you eat flowers!"
GOREN: "*STARES*"
COUNSELLOR: "How does that make you feel, Bobby?"
GOREN: "*DOUBLE STARES*"
They get stared at. This maybe because a) their zany theories, b) Goren's phone rings or c) they start making out.
You can bet it's coz Ma rings. What do you think this is, a real show with real, working relationships? God.
MA: "I hate hospital!"
GOREN: "Ma, I'm..."
MA: "I hate hospital! Where's your brother?"
GOREN: "Ouh. *sad face*"
OH THAT'S RIGHT, THERE'S A CASE. Huh. Well. They've called the Massive Man Hunt off.
Goren's Crazy Hair and Eames interview Amanda's fiance. He's no help.
Eames talks about her romantic, taser-buying, eight-years-dead husband Joe. Somewhere, Kathryn Erbe's celebrating her win over Balcer and Wolf by dancing around Vince D'Onofrio and singing, "I made something can-on, I made something can-on..."
Captain Bitch, Please is not impressed. He wishes he was playing Playstation 3 right about now.
The Gang interview some douche named Wesley. Goren shows some signs of life and pounces on Wesley's collection of radios. This means he's the killer. Oh, and the big ass, home-sewn cut on his noggin kinda gives him away, too.
"Are we on the right track?"
"Let's go and look in a car yard and randomly hope we find her body. Okay?"
HAY LOOK
Robocop and Fran are not happy. Neither's Amanda, or the people who are aware how long it would take to search the scrap yards, especially with only two people.
Captain BP is one of these people.
Needles in haystacks - found in seconds by Detectives Goren and Eames. After this, they go and have pizza, punctuated only by Captain BP and TODD going for a biff and Ma G. turning up to box Bobby's ears.
Some of that may not have happened.
I can't remember who this guy is. I think he's the fiance. He has nothing new to add, except some story about a cover up in Iraq and that's probably why Amanda was killed. INFORMATION OVERLOAD.
In Captain BP's office, Robocop expresses his grief and has a biff with Goren.
Goren, being the stressed little cookie he is, breaks his desk.
Everyone stares. Somewhere, Amanda's annoyed because her death isn't, y'know, being solved and shit.
Eamesy runs after Goren, but he gives her a "back off" across the cheek and YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ONLY PERSON ON THE PLANET WHO PUTS UP WITH YOUR SHIT, HELLO.
But that's okay, because when he comes back all puppy like and tries to make amends, someone goes and gets a knife from the kitchenette because everyone wants a piece of that thick, thick tension.
GOREN: "Prattle prattle prattle love me?"
EAMES: "DIE."
GOREN: "Ouh. *sad face*"
Remember poor, dead Amanda? And her case? Turns out Wesley did it.
Robocop feels like a bad dad. Captain BP can't deal with the man pain, so he decides to make his detectives do their paperwork.
"I WILL NOT DO YOUR PAPERWORK."
"I AM GOING. FIRE ME, EV. JUST FEAR MY MAN PAIN!"
Executive Producer
DICK WOLF
Le Fin.
Man, that recap was a lot longer than the season opener. Like whoa.
Things of Note:
♥ All joking aside, this was easily one of the best episodes for character development since, well, ever. May you be a 'shipper, a "it's all about the story!"-ite or an occasional viewer, the information that poured from this episode was rich and freakin' thick. Whether this will lead into bad, soapy territory? Only The Wolf Man and Rene know that. But for the moment, I'm willing just to take the episodes as they come and enjoy.
♥ Oh, man - the biff between Goren and Eames? Perfectly handled, perfectly executed. Thank YOU, Writer People, for letting Eames give some 'tude back, because, yo, Girl can only be pushed too far. I look forward to the patch up, but even more so if they play this out for a couple of episodes before doing so. Go there, Wolfy and Rene! Go there!
♥ Rita Moreno is perfect. The scenes with her and Vince were amazingly complex - there is years of tension and hurt just radiating between them, but it all comes down to the fact he's her little boy and he'll do anything. Interesting use of the brother - I wonder if we're going to see him? Let him be someone equally on par - Vince Vaughn, maybe?
♥ JOE JOE JOE! Well done, Katie - your dead husband is now canon. A taser for their anniversary? Kinda gives you a lot about his personality in one line. Katie, for the most part, is handling the transition into their personal lives so well - she's come alive, really working with the emotions Eames is feeling in face of Goren's slow, languid trip into Ma-you-made-me-crazy!Ville. Thank God they gave her something to do, and a family as well. ILU, Ms. Erbe. And you looked hot in your pimpin' boots and dress.
♥ LOL TODD. LOL Captain Bitch, Please's family in general. I totally went there with Captain/Fran fic bunnies when they kissed at the door.
♥ Part of me wonders why the hell they even bothered with the A-Plot (or should we say B-Plot?), but I guess something has to be sacrificed when you've got dramarama playing out front. That said - give me Eames and Ma Goren scenes, and I'll be a happy camper.
I am loving this season. I'm drawing "I♥SEASON SIX" all over my notebooks, man. How can I be expected to wait a month for the next episode, I DO NOT KNOW.
Law & Order: Criminal Intent Episode Round-Up!
(For the episode "The War at Home", or "The One with Fran Drescher and Goren's Mum")
I know I haven't done one of these since the season opener, but this little episode, in one forty-odd minute block, kindly took five and a bit seasons of canon and threw it in the air while yelling "WAHOO!" Thus, it gets recappage - and I promise, I'll go back and do the others (hello, 'Liza & The Blue Horsey' ep, anyone?), if only for atlashrugged. But to the recappage!
Previously on CI: Goren wandered around, Eames got kidnapped, Captain Bitch, Please was awesome and I ignored Chris Noth. Oh, and Ma Goren was crazy and Bobby hated his brother, fo' realz.
We open on a happy family playing house. It's Fran Fine! And Robocop! Married at last! Robocop then wanders upstairs to find his daughter, Amanda (!), is missing. (Okay, IMDB.com tells me he's not Robocop, but is Kyle from The Terminator and was in Aliens. Same diff.)
Captain Bitch, Please is having dinner with his wide-eyed children and hates Todd.
This is Todd.
The Captain hates him.
Luckily, he's saved from the WRATH OF TODD by his phone ringing, telling him Fran and Robocop's daughter is gone. Much like...
...Eames, who is surrounded by creepy children in costumes. HAY, there's the nephew she gave birth to. And I bet that long haired hippy kid is Carson Kinney-Erbe. She looks cranky, but resigned, because at least she doesn't have to spend the holiday listening to her sister bitch about how she's the "misunderstood" one who has love handles even though it was Alex who gave birth to her freakin' kid.
Same same at Casa de Goren, or Carmel Ridge. Ma G gives 'TUDE and Bobby slinks off to the crime scene.
After Goren arrives late, The Gang have some coffee with Fran and find out that Amanda, for all her clean, Army ways, was actually burning the affair candle bright. Oh, and Robocop? Is actually the Commissioner. Yo! People lie to The Gang, The Gang find out, then The Gang find the Major Giveaway Clue - Amanda's very new looking VW Beetle in the bush.
Can you say "MASSIVE MAN HUNT"?
Robocop refuses to believe his daughter is a "bitch or slut". She's engaged, dammit!
Goren's Ma's Doctor calls. Eames, annoyed by his ringtone, tells him to piss off.
Ma waffles on about how no-one wants to help her, that Bobby's a big liar and he doesn't care. Bobby's head explodes.
This maybe because Goren is on his phone trying to work. On a cellular phone. In a hospital. Needless to say, Ma nags some more. Bobby's neck explodes.
"OMG MOM." The remaining part of Bobby explodes.
Back at The Massive Man Hunt, Eames finds some knickers. These are a part of a trail of Amanda's clothing, including a bra that I'm pretty sure I own.
Captain Bitch, Please tries to hide from THE WRATH OF TODD, despite him being a million miles away and a weenie. He pretends to do work, by telling Eames to get her partner back here, LOL, he's needed.
Bored with the case, Goren and Eames go to marriage counselling.
EAMES: "You're an emotional sociopath, you put books in the toilet and you eat flowers!"
GOREN: "*STARES*"
COUNSELLOR: "How does that make you feel, Bobby?"
GOREN: "*DOUBLE STARES*"
They get stared at. This maybe because a) their zany theories, b) Goren's phone rings or c) they start making out.
You can bet it's coz Ma rings. What do you think this is, a real show with real, working relationships? God.
MA: "I hate hospital!"
GOREN: "Ma, I'm..."
MA: "I hate hospital! Where's your brother?"
GOREN: "Ouh. *sad face*"
OH THAT'S RIGHT, THERE'S A CASE. Huh. Well. They've called the Massive Man Hunt off.
Goren's Crazy Hair and Eames interview Amanda's fiance. He's no help.
Eames talks about her romantic, taser-buying, eight-years-dead husband Joe. Somewhere, Kathryn Erbe's celebrating her win over Balcer and Wolf by dancing around Vince D'Onofrio and singing, "I made something can-on, I made something can-on..."
Captain Bitch, Please is not impressed. He wishes he was playing Playstation 3 right about now.
The Gang interview some douche named Wesley. Goren shows some signs of life and pounces on Wesley's collection of radios. This means he's the killer. Oh, and the big ass, home-sewn cut on his noggin kinda gives him away, too.
"Are we on the right track?"
"Let's go and look in a car yard and randomly hope we find her body. Okay?"
HAY LOOK
Robocop and Fran are not happy. Neither's Amanda, or the people who are aware how long it would take to search the scrap yards, especially with only two people.
Captain BP is one of these people.
Needles in haystacks - found in seconds by Detectives Goren and Eames. After this, they go and have pizza, punctuated only by Captain BP and TODD going for a biff and Ma G. turning up to box Bobby's ears.
Some of that may not have happened.
I can't remember who this guy is. I think he's the fiance. He has nothing new to add, except some story about a cover up in Iraq and that's probably why Amanda was killed. INFORMATION OVERLOAD.
In Captain BP's office, Robocop expresses his grief and has a biff with Goren.
Goren, being the stressed little cookie he is, breaks his desk.
Everyone stares. Somewhere, Amanda's annoyed because her death isn't, y'know, being solved and shit.
Eamesy runs after Goren, but he gives her a "back off" across the cheek and YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ONLY PERSON ON THE PLANET WHO PUTS UP WITH YOUR SHIT, HELLO.
But that's okay, because when he comes back all puppy like and tries to make amends, someone goes and gets a knife from the kitchenette because everyone wants a piece of that thick, thick tension.
GOREN: "Prattle prattle prattle love me?"
EAMES: "DIE."
GOREN: "Ouh. *sad face*"
Remember poor, dead Amanda? And her case? Turns out Wesley did it.
Robocop feels like a bad dad. Captain BP can't deal with the man pain, so he decides to make his detectives do their paperwork.
"I WILL NOT DO YOUR PAPERWORK."
"I AM GOING. FIRE ME, EV. JUST FEAR MY MAN PAIN!"
Executive Producer
DICK WOLF
Le Fin.
Man, that recap was a lot longer than the season opener. Like whoa.
Things of Note:
♥ All joking aside, this was easily one of the best episodes for character development since, well, ever. May you be a 'shipper, a "it's all about the story!"-ite or an occasional viewer, the information that poured from this episode was rich and freakin' thick. Whether this will lead into bad, soapy territory? Only The Wolf Man and Rene know that. But for the moment, I'm willing just to take the episodes as they come and enjoy.
♥ Oh, man - the biff between Goren and Eames? Perfectly handled, perfectly executed. Thank YOU, Writer People, for letting Eames give some 'tude back, because, yo, Girl can only be pushed too far. I look forward to the patch up, but even more so if they play this out for a couple of episodes before doing so. Go there, Wolfy and Rene! Go there!
♥ Rita Moreno is perfect. The scenes with her and Vince were amazingly complex - there is years of tension and hurt just radiating between them, but it all comes down to the fact he's her little boy and he'll do anything. Interesting use of the brother - I wonder if we're going to see him? Let him be someone equally on par - Vince Vaughn, maybe?
♥ JOE JOE JOE! Well done, Katie - your dead husband is now canon. A taser for their anniversary? Kinda gives you a lot about his personality in one line. Katie, for the most part, is handling the transition into their personal lives so well - she's come alive, really working with the emotions Eames is feeling in face of Goren's slow, languid trip into Ma-you-made-me-crazy!Ville. Thank God they gave her something to do, and a family as well. ILU, Ms. Erbe. And you looked hot in your pimpin' boots and dress.
♥ LOL TODD. LOL Captain Bitch, Please's family in general. I totally went there with Captain/Fran fic bunnies when they kissed at the door.
♥ Part of me wonders why the hell they even bothered with the A-Plot (or should we say B-Plot?), but I guess something has to be sacrificed when you've got dramarama playing out front. That said - give me Eames and Ma Goren scenes, and I'll be a happy camper.
I am loving this season. I'm drawing "I♥SEASON SIX" all over my notebooks, man. How can I be expected to wait a month for the next episode, I DO NOT KNOW.