Another Christmas in my clutches...
Another year come and gone. Another Christmas to add to the past. Another moment here, another there. A memory made, a memory forgotten. A love cherished, a love lost. It's amazing how much so little time can do. Who am I, right now? Right this very instant? Who am I? I'm KC. I'm Kevin Christian. I'm Kevin Christian Archer. I'm a member of the Archer Family, the Van Archers, etc. etc. What do I do? I study music, I compose, I'm a singer and a dancer. I work at Disneyland. I'm a character, mostly a show character, an Entertainment Host, a darn good one lately, and a puppeteer, barely a puppeteer anyway. I have a best friend that I love but worry about all the time. I have finally gotten closer to her, but every step closer makes me worry more for her. I love her dearly and don't want anything to happen to her. I've made new friends, finally. I might have screwed one of those up this past week, but we'll see. When the truth comes out. The truth...the truth is such a terrible and wonderful thing. So unavoidable and sometimes so promising...but at others ominous and threatening. Am I afraid of the truth? I am. I am afraid of the truth. I'm afraid of what it will do to me, my life, and those around me. I'm afraid that I might lose what I have, even if it's not that great. That's who I am. I'm afraid of the truth. I'm afraid of me, quite possibly. But then again, everyone is to an extent.
Another Christmas past...it was just like all the others, slightly different, but still consisted of church and family. It was nice to have what was familiar, since I've been forging in the unfamiliar for so long. Just like all the other years...every Christmas the same. Except for last year, that is. Last year, I think, was my favorite Christmas ever. It sounds silly, because I was so sick and all alone on Christmas morning...but it turned out to be the best Christmas I'd have had. I had someone come to my house, when I was all alone, and stay with me, just for a few hours, away from his family, but it made all the difference. It was real, it felt natural. It felt right, having him there. And now this knowing that I won't have that again is sometimes just too much to bear. I'm supposed to be over this now...I'm supposed to have moved on. I think it's just the time of the year that's making it hurt again. I'm trying, God, you know I'm trying. I'm trying not to be angry or upset. I'm trying to let things run their course. I just miss it.
I got two keyboards this Christmas...and I mean the piano kind. My family knows I'm studying music, and they're finally taking me seriously. Marne bought me a keyboard for Christmas, and so did my parents. Both were bummed to find out that the other had already got one. I shouldn't have said anything when I was getting the one from my parents. I should have waited and acted surprised and then afterwards have said something. Instead I watched both my mom and Marne get really mellow and kind of down while we were still opening up gifts. It hurt inside. I want to make it up to them. I love them both so much, I don't want to see either of them like that. Why do things always seem to be teetering on one or the other. Guilty, guilty is how I feel. I have to take care of something. Keyboards. I have to keep one.
This isn't getting me anywhere, and I have to be at work in the morning. I pray I don't have a sleepless night. Merry Christmas to all of you, and thanks for the love in all of your text messages that you all sent me. *Much Love*
KC
Another Christmas past...it was just like all the others, slightly different, but still consisted of church and family. It was nice to have what was familiar, since I've been forging in the unfamiliar for so long. Just like all the other years...every Christmas the same. Except for last year, that is. Last year, I think, was my favorite Christmas ever. It sounds silly, because I was so sick and all alone on Christmas morning...but it turned out to be the best Christmas I'd have had. I had someone come to my house, when I was all alone, and stay with me, just for a few hours, away from his family, but it made all the difference. It was real, it felt natural. It felt right, having him there. And now this knowing that I won't have that again is sometimes just too much to bear. I'm supposed to be over this now...I'm supposed to have moved on. I think it's just the time of the year that's making it hurt again. I'm trying, God, you know I'm trying. I'm trying not to be angry or upset. I'm trying to let things run their course. I just miss it.
I got two keyboards this Christmas...and I mean the piano kind. My family knows I'm studying music, and they're finally taking me seriously. Marne bought me a keyboard for Christmas, and so did my parents. Both were bummed to find out that the other had already got one. I shouldn't have said anything when I was getting the one from my parents. I should have waited and acted surprised and then afterwards have said something. Instead I watched both my mom and Marne get really mellow and kind of down while we were still opening up gifts. It hurt inside. I want to make it up to them. I love them both so much, I don't want to see either of them like that. Why do things always seem to be teetering on one or the other. Guilty, guilty is how I feel. I have to take care of something. Keyboards. I have to keep one.
This isn't getting me anywhere, and I have to be at work in the morning. I pray I don't have a sleepless night. Merry Christmas to all of you, and thanks for the love in all of your text messages that you all sent me. *Much Love*
KC