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[dawnie_thekey]

So it was a beautiful day outside, one that makes me want to be anywhere else but school. And that's where I am, sitting in a boring classroom as the teacher goes on and on about math or something...strange considering this is an English class. Oh well, doesn't matter anyway, I have lunch next period and I decided, and firmly stick with my

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[oneeyed_zeppo]

Still in the surreality that is my life my heart dropped to the ground as Buffy's face was covered up. I sank down into a chair, my hands holding my face as I quietly wept. I looked up and Buffy's body was gone.

I slammed into the glass window and looked frantically because dead bodies never walked away. Well, not usually. I pounded on the glass and saw a doctor I recognized. "Where is she?!" I yelled knowing full in advance the answer.

He calmed me down, or attempted to and got paged on another floor. I cursed at him as he ran and I walked backwards towards my chair. I'd wait for them to arrive. It would be hardest on- I was bumped and pushed pack a little.

"Watch where the fuck you're-" I looked at her. She was shorter then I was and splattered in blood. "Dawn?!" She collapsed into my arms and I half held her and tried not to drop her.

Something else had happened. "Did Warren come after you?" I asked but then remembered. There were two shots. One at Buffy and one up. And Dawn wasn't home but... "Oh God." I turned back to see Tara being wheeled into another room on a stretcher and another form in a body bag heading to the morgue.

My voice ran away and left me with a raspy low murmur. "Dawn, where's Willow?"

[dawnie_thekey]

When I knew it was Xander I collapsed into his arms, crying so hard. Why he was here, I don't know, nor do I probably want to know. Tears were streaming down my face and I was shaking, not only shaking because I was crying, but every muscle in my body was trembling.

"Dawn, where's Willow?"

I heard his voice, it sounded so distant, so low and unlike Xander. I just stared at him, my eyes full of such sorrow, I didn't know if I could find the words.

Taking a deep breath I tried to speak, and it ended up coming out rushed and frantic. "I...I cut school early...wanted to hang out with the scoobies...and and I saw an ambulance leaving the house...I ran around l-looking for someone...anyone...and then...then I went into Willow's room and...oh Xander...they were shot and and bleeding...and her eyes were just staring...so cold and blank and..."

I tried to breathe deeply...my breaths were short... "We...we need to tell Buffy."

[oneeyed_zeppo]

Then I wept. The very mention of Buffy. It was too much. I pulled away and sort of sat her in that horrid chair I was sitting in almost moments before.

"Dawn, that's the thing. Buffy isn't here to tell." Great. Just give me cryptic guy of the year award. That sounds like she left. "I mean, she, Warren came and shot her and I guess Will and Tara but Buffy, Buffy didn't..."

I couldn't say it. For all the times I had to say it now was an exception. I could not deal with the fact that my best friend is dead. I broke out into tears again and Dawn's eyes filled with sadness, overwhelming sadness but also...rage. Loving rage or...Warren.

[dawnie_thekey]

He spoke to me and it was still distant, all I heard was that Buffy was shot and...no...no no no, she can't be...because Willow is and...

"Xander...Will...Willow is...and Buffy? Why...I-I can't...can't do this." I spoke now, more frantically and slightly angry and confused. "Xander...make them come back! They always come back...please..."

Getting up I try to storm away...away from here, away from the sadness...I needed to be somewhere else. I was halfway to the door when my legs gave out, everything went dark.

[oneeyed_zeppo]

Dawn didn't want to believe it. But I had to get past denial because I was the adult here. The only one. God damnit! Why leave the most immature one in charge of everything?! I backed off and composed myself but Dawn went running.

She didn't get far though. She tripped or...fell from the pain and hit the ground. "Dawn!" Big brother powers kicking in I ran and knelt down and picked her body up. Her forehead was bleeding. "Dawn?"

Her eyes fluttered and I knew she wasn't dead. I had known before hand but now it was confirmed. "Dawn...is Will?" I asked, getting choked up again. "Is...Tara?"

[dawnie_thekey]

My eyes barely opened and my head hurt, I must have hit it when I went down. Xander was all muffled but I understood him well enough.

"Willow is...and her eyes...I-I can't...everytime I close my eyes I see them...staring." My body still trembled in his arms. "Tara...was alive and I called for help...I don't know if she's still...Xander why? Why us? Our family...my whole family...I-I have no one left."

I wrapped my arms around him and cried on his shoulder. My life will never be the same. All I really had left was Buffy, but now, now I don't have her and I never got to say good bye. They go so quick...I never get to say good bye...not to Mom, Willow...or Buffy...they're all gone now. I'm alone.

[oneeyed_zeppo]

Dawn rambled and fixed her gaze at that damn glass window. As she mumbled things about Oh God, Willow's eyes and Tara's still being alive. I held her and she rose back up. "It's okay."

Even though we both know it wasn't. She then went on and really broke my heart in two. She was at her lowest and sinking rapidly.

"No, you're not the only one. Tara could pull through this, and I'I'm here." I kissed her forehead. "And Giles, we can bring him back from England, you'll be okay."

But the worst part about all of this was that feeling in the pit of my stomach.The feeling that this was only the begginning.

[dawnie_thekey]

Trying to sort everything out, it was all a blur and a big nothing in my head...all I could see is Willow. I shuddered and tried to focus.

"We...we need to call Giles...and Anya...and arrangements and we have to check on Tara...she can't go too Xander, make them save her."

Pulling away from him I stand up, a little wobbly but ok enough. "We have to kill Warren." I said that with the calmest tone imaginable, it sacred even me.

[oneeyed_zeppo]

I stood up with her and supported her as she stood straight up. She said many valid points that I hadn't even thought of. There see? Back to her even being more mature then me.

Then she just said in the most careless and carefree tone imagineable the words I had been thinking from minute 1.

"No Dawn. Don't say that. He needs jail yes, but not death. Nobody deserves to die."

This was the reasoning adult talking. I sat her down. "Sit here while I go up to the desk to check on Tara."

I walked up to the desk and to a stout woman in a nurses' uniform that reminded me of my old school nurse. "Can you please tell me where Maclay, Tara is residing here?"

She nodded and looked down. I grabbed Dawn and headed through those marked double doors and as the nurse looked up we were gone. "Now to find Tara."

[dawnie_thekey]

Normally I would agree,jail is better than death, but Warren needed to die a slow painful death...over and over again for the rest of eternity, but I kept that to myself I didn't want Xander to think I had completely lost it...though I think I have.

He went over and talked to the lady at the desk and my tears finally stopped, though I still chook pretty badly. After about a minute he came back and grabbed me and pulled me into the hospital further. I hate hospitals and this didn't make it much better.

I didn't talk I just followed, I don't think I could talk if I tried, I felt numb, and lost and I would never come back home again. I just took Xander's hand and squeezed it. I needed someone to tell me everything was ok...though I knew it wasn't and never will be.

[oneeyed_zeppo]

I pulled her along the endless hallway and then let go to look in a room. I motioned for her to do the same. She did with the opposite door.

Finally I found her on a surgical table with doctors all around her and all I thought was, "She better not be dead asshole."

I sighed and looked back. "She, she's in there but she's in surgery. Let's go back."

I put my arm around her shoulders and walked her back down the now funhouse like hallway. This sucked. No, this didn't just suck, this blew. It blew hard and nothing would make it ok. NOTHING.

We walked back through right as the nurse who had conveniently stepped away was returning. She looked at us. "You two didn't go in there did you?" I shook my head.

"No, just went to the window for a look." Half the truth there we go. I walked Dawnie to the chairs. "Do you want candy or something?"

[dawnie_thekey]

"Do you want candy or something?"

I was kind of lost...lost in my own world, lost in this hospital...just lost. Nothing I saw was clear, everything and everyone was one big blur. Xander sat me back down and asked me if I wanted candy? Candy? What the heck is wrong with him?

But furthermore what's wrong with me? I turned to him and spoke very very quietly. "No thank you." I wasn't hungry, I never thought I would ever be hungry again. Tara's in there, and if they can't fix her then...then I don't know what I will do...I know it won't be pretty.

I stood up wearily, my body was trembling. "We...we need to call Giles...he'll know what to do. He alwyas know what to do. We can fix this...Buffy's died before...she'll get better. She always gets better." I looked to Xander with a desperate look in my eyes. He needed to fix this...we can fix this.

I started ror the door. "Th-the Magic Box...it must have a, a book or something." Xander just looked at me. My voice got frantic. "Xander please!"

[oneeyed_zeppo]

I got up to go but she started ranting on about Giles and then the Magic Box. I knelt down and held her shoulders still. "Dawn, Buffy died. Naturally. By a gun. We can't do anything."

I held her close to me and cried into her shoulder. "Willow too..." But Tara, she could be saved and that's what we should concentrate on. Tara alive and Warren dead.

No. No, not funny. I grimaced and pulled back. "Giles, he's sleeping now. " I smiled and wiped away her tears with my thumbs. "All we can do is wait."

[dawnie_thekey]

We cried together. And it felt like this day would never be over. Why are we being punished? We save the damn world and we get punished for it. None of this is fair.

My tears were in torrents as I thought how I never got to say good bye to either of them. If only I cut out a class sooner maybe I would have been able to do something, anything, to change what happened.

"I don't like waiting. And none of this is...natural. He needs to be punished Xander...we have to make him pay for...this." Ok so maybe I should stop talking, the little gaspy breath talking doesn't make me sound very convincing.