dude in my brain

[pico_the_great]

cross-posted to asexuality; posted here with a few more personal details.

So. Dudes, Ladies, and Everyone Else:

I've got a question for yous.

I am asexual. I know this. I've known it since I was nineteen, which believe me is a handful of years. I've been on the LJ asexuality comm since then, too, so I know people's stories. I don't have a problem with my

Comments

[historicula]

If your brain has remained this ridiculous about it then just flat out tell him. Get it over with, clear the air, and move on with your life. If he's truly interested in this other girl then I think we both know what his answer will be, but at least he'll have to make a clear decision that you can understand. I know that's not the answer you're hoping for, but your brain is emotionally compromised and being ridiculous. You need a straight answer. So make him give you one.

[pico_the_great]

Haha! When I read this I thought: yes, I can count on historicula to give it to me straight. I'm especially liking the "emotionally compromised" part, because it was :p and true.

Yeah, I'm but surprised things ended up the way they did; I would have in fact been seriously amazed if Le Feelings had been reciprocated (and also at a complete loss). This was is okay: I now know precisely where I stand, and can plan future brainstuff (IE, emotion-ignoring) accordingly.

Yes. I would far rather have a straight answer than float in ambiguity or run away from the question. And it worked out okay, so it'll all be figured out in the end.

[historicula]

[SEE ICON]

Also, I am glad that it worked out.

[boosette]

There's also Option D - make peace inside your own head about whether this is something you want to pursue and if not: sit back, enjoy the crush, and call it research.

[pico_the_great]

Naw, the ambiguity was driving me nuts. I'd rather know there's no chance than keep hoping for something that isn't there. Because, that way, I can put those feelings down* and not have them hanging over my brain.

*a chineseism; lit the chinese is "put your heart down", 放心， although I think here 放松 might be more appropriate and I'm going on a tangent aren't I?

Let me note also that this wasn't a crushthing I enjoyed. This was a "what the hell are my feelings doing and why won't they stop being pointed directly at him?" thing. I did indeed get experience/research/writingideas out of this, sure. But I don't really like being the person who stares at Le Boy from across the room constantly, because I did that in Beijing and it wasn't fun, it was embarrassing.

So. Rather figure things out and come clear than have weird feelings assailing me randomly.